Love in the Phi - Hand 3: Last Tile

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own the JE boys (duh!), but OCs are mine and I created the story
Warnings: Bad language mainly
Multi-Chapter


Notes: I'm so sorry, I took forever and I've been away entirely for days. My working schedule was killing me. Basically I got home for sleeping. As long as I could keep my eyes open, I wrote this little something. Except for Tuesday when I had my night off with B.A. ^^ Anyway, I'm so happy this is finally finished. I hope lilly0 will forgive me for taking so long and being away. *gives lilly big hug* But it's really yukitsubute 's fault, because thanks to her the story had to be re-written in my head. *hugs yuki for lending me her muse* Well, I hope you'll like it.


Intro: Kajima doesn't get anywhere with his investigation and decides to try a new path. Koichi doesn't exactly like that, but he's much too busy with his issue concerning Uchi to really attend to that. But then, maybe Koichi's got a secret of his own?

Koichi felt like the top attraction in a freak show. The man with two heads, or something like that. People were staring at him as he walked by, eyeing him interestedly, or turned away slightly to whisper something to the person next to them. He braced himself, walking stoically on until he had finally crossed the main building. Once outside he sighed in relief. Little did he know that the worst was yet to come. He’d almost forgotten about the weirdness already – people tended to be weird when it was about him, after all. However, when he arrived at his rehearsal room, the world came crushing down on him. The first glance in Matsuzaki’s face told him everything.

They know…

Koichi all but shrunk back in terror. Matsuzaki was looking at him as though his pet must have died, the other’s kept a creepy kind of respectful distance.

“Good morning,” Matsuzaki said in a sympathetic voice that Koichi wanted to wince at.

“Morning,” he stated flatly.

He wanted to turn around and run as fast as he could. Not because he wanted to flee the scene (okay, maybe that too, just a bit), but to find Kajima and rip out his throat. It seemed that the rest of the group saw his casual greeting as a kind of cue to get back to every-day activities, as their tension subsided visibly.

“Say,” Matsuzaki spoke up again, “how about… we have dinner today after we’re done?” the boy suggested with a smile. “Or a drink?”

Aw, sweet Matsu. Koichi wanted to rip out his throat too. And in the corner of his eye he could see Machida approaching.

If you dare to even touch me, I’ll…

“Macchin,” Koichi pressed out, “let go. You’re cutting off my air.”

“Sorry,” Machida said apologetically, loosening his grip on Koichi. “Listen, if there’s…”

“Okay,” Koichi decided, raising his voice. “Since all of you seem to know, let’s just call the child by name. I have no idea what happened the other night. Police suspects rape. Since I have no memory of the incident I cannot say anything about that. But I’m not sick, or anything. Nothing much really happened. I don’t need any special kind of support, or reassuring words, or other gay stuff like that. So, the next person to do something pathetic like bringing me a muffin, or something, will leave this room within an instant. We’ve got work to do. And I’d rather do that than dwell on things I can’t change, or even recall. So, can we get back to business?”

“Sure,” Yonehana nodded with a smile.

The first smile that Koichi got that day that said “here’s our little geek” and Koichi was more than happy to see it.

“Ah,” Yonehana made when Koichi made to get changed.

“What?” the older man asked.

“It’s 100 yen.”

Koichi blinked. “What?”

“100 yen,” Yonehana repeated. “You made the rule,” he shrugged. “Abusive use of the word gay is sanctioned with 100 yen.”

Koichi blinked again. Then he groaned. “Oh, come on.”

“He’s right,” Matsuzaki pointed out. “And you just said yourself that you don’t want special treatment.”

Koichi looked at Matsuzaki, not sure whether he should hit or hug him. Then he sighed, pulling out his wallet.

“Fine,” he dragged out. “Here goes. And now let’s get started.”




____________________________________________________________________________________________

Jin stirred in his cocktail agitatedly, making the ice cubes cling against the glass. Luckily the room was dark. He didn’t want to be recognised. The setting was still a bit unusual, but the light music in the background was low enough to catch your own words. His mind was still spinning, even though the big bomb was dropped on him two days ago already.

“I mean, he literally jumped me,” Jin complained. “What do I make of this now, huh?” He sighed miserably. “All this time I thought it was… well, something different. He likes me?! Likes me?! I mean, even if I liked him – not saying that I do – but if I did, should I simply accept him? I mean, maybe I’m a bit touchy, but I’m really mad at him. Lying to me all this time and…”

“Hiro’s having an affair,” Ryo suddenly blurted out.

Jin stopped, staring at his friend. “What?!”

Ryo sighed, pushing his own glass away. “Hiro’s having an affair,” he repeated. “So, sorry if I’m not a very good consultant right now, but I’ve got some issues of my own to deal with.”

“Hold on,” Jin demanded. “How… no way,” he decided, shaking his head. “Uchi wouldn’t. Who told you?”

“The one he’s sleeping with,” Ryo stated flatly.

“And who would that be?” Jin asked, sneering. “I bet that guy is just jealous. Maybe he wants you to break up so he can have Uchi.”

“He’s not the type,” Ryo sighed. “He didn’t look very happy to tell me about it.”

“Then, why tell you?” Jin asked, taking a sip from his drink.

“Conscience?” Ryo shrugged.

“Who is it?” Jin wanted to know.

The other merely shrugged.

“Hey, come on,” Jin encouraged him. “It’s okay. It’s me, you can tell me.”

“I don’t even want to think about it myself,” Ryo bit out aggressively, not mad at Jin, but rather once again roaring up in the imagination. “Just to think that I…” he groaned in frustration.

“What on earth is going on?” Jin asked, frowning.

“I totally adored him,” Ryo blurted out. “I mean, he’s like… he’s way cool and he always treats me well. He gave me comfort when we had so much trouble in our group and… now he did this. And believe me, he wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.”

“Who is it?!” Jin pressed yet more urgently.

“Koichi,” Ryo burst out, glaring at his friend.

Jin halted yet again. “Okay, is it April’s fool, or something? You don’t want to tell me that one of your most-admired elders and your lover are…”

“Fucking?” Ryo asked sarcastically.

“When did he tell you?” Jin kept inquiring instead of following Ryo’s line.

“Doesn’t matter,” the smaller man waved him off. “I’ve known for a while.”

“A while?” Jin asked, raising a brow. “Then why did you never talk to him?”

Ryo laughed bitterly. “What to say? `Hi, honey? How was your sex-date?´ That’s gonna be hilarious.”

“Well, don’t you want to know… what happened? Why Koichi? Why… he did it in the first place?”

“Have you ever,” Ryo paused, licking his lips, “feared to voice something? Or more like… refused to voice? Because so long as you don’t say it you can still deny it’s there? I just don’t want to know. I wish I didn’t know.”

“You do, though,” Jin cut in. “And you should really ask him about it.”

“What if he breaks up?” Ryo asked, sounding really worried.

“You’d rather stay with someone who cheats on you than discuss the issue for fear he would leave you? What kind of love would that be?”

“Who do you think you are to talk like that?” Ryo suddenly bit back. “You and Kame… if you really never noticed how he felt about you, you’re the biggest idiot in the world. And yet you pretended you didn’t know… how is it different?!”

Jin gulped. “I… I thought he wasn’t for real,” he explained.

“Talk about voicing things,” Ryo said sarcastically, taking a sip from his glass.

“So we’re both fucked,” Jin decided, following suit.

“And now?” Ryo asked miserably.

Jin straightened up a bit, swishing his head around, inspecting. “Hey,” he called out to the waitress. “Another two.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________

“Uchi-kun, will you stay a while?” Koichi asked, while everybody was packing up.

“Eh?” the younger man blinked.

“If you don’t mind, I think it would be good if you memorised your path on the field – without anybody else there,” Koichi explained.

“Okay,” the other merely shrugged, getting himself some water.

It took another fifteen minutes until everybody else had given their good-byes and left. Once they were alone Uchi smiled at Koichi, approaching him and snaking his arms around him suggestively.

“So…” he crooned in a low voice, “what do you think the two of us should practice now, boss?”

Just as he was about to attack the other’s neck, Koichi pulled back in both shock and annoyance.

“What’s that?” he demanded. “Don’t tell me you broke up” He shook his head. “At any rate, this cannot continue?”

“Why, all of a sudden?” Uchi wanted to know.

“Why?!” Koichi gasped out. “Well, he didn’t seem like he doesn’t mind.”

Uchi eyed him warily.

“Actually, I thought you’d be really mad with me,” Koichi continued, “because you couldn’t tell him yourself.”

“What… happened?” Uchi finally asked.

Koichi merely blinked at him. “Don’t tell me… you still didn’t talk?”

“With whom?” the younger man wanted to know.

“With Nishikido, of course,” Koichi said intensely. “Did he not talk to you? Or did he not even go home?”

“Yeah, he came home,” Uchi retorted. “He… wait… you talked to him?”

Koichi could see how the other tensed as a horrid thought hit him. He sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Koichi said with a sad smile. “I… because of what happened the other day I was forced to… they really made me talk to him. I didn’t want to. I rather would have at least called you to tell you that he has to learn…”

“You told him about us?!” Uchi demanded, eyes growing wide.

“It seems that I didn’t tell him anything he didn’t know already,” Koichi quickly threw in, hoping to distract the other.

The statement hit. Uchi blinked several times.

“Wait,” he dragged out after a moment. “Are you saying…?”

“He knew all about it,” Koichi confirmed.

“That’s… impossible,” Uchi demanded. “How would he…? And if he did, why would he never say anything?”

“I really don’t know,” Koichi shrugged helplessly. “He still didn’t talk to you?”

The other merely shook his head.

“Maybe he’s in denial,” Koichi suggested. “Or he’s afraid you’ll break up as soon as he mentions it.”

“That totally doesn’t make sense,” Uchi scoffed out.

“You’re the type who would break up over being embarrassed,” Koichi analysed.

“How would you know?” Uchi bit back.

“Well… okay,” Koichi dared him, “then finally tell me why you even started all of this, when you have Nishikido, who loves you? What is your reason for doing something like this? Starting an affair? And with me?”

Uchi kept shifting nervously, not looking at Koichi. He bit his lip.

“I… I really think I should go,” he finally stuttered.

The moment he wanted to rush past Koichi, the latter grabbed his arm and held him back with a force Uchi had not expected to dwell in him.

“What?” Koichi asked at Uchi’s surprised face. “I do the flying scene on cloths – twice a day. You get a tight grip from that. At any rate, I rest my case.”

Uchi winced slightly and Koichi released him again. The boy rubbed his arm soothingly.

“And what about you?” Uchi asked daringly. “You were so desperate for a fuck, you gave in almost too easily, even though you know I’m with Ryo.”

“I… I’m not proud of what I did,” Koichi admitted. “And maybe I was desperate, yes. But you were the one touching me, making me hot…” He sighed. “It’s no good, making excuses.” He looked at the younger man sternly. “I regret it. Really.”

Uchi bit his lip. Then he lowered his head, starting to shake. Koichi sighed inwardly. What a time to break down. He wasn’t good with people in the first place. Comforting was a skill he was definitely not trained in.

“Where is he now?” Uchi mumbled miserably.

Koichi blinked.

“What does he do? Who is with him? When will he get home? Why… doesn’t he pick up the phone? Why is his shirt smeared with lip-gloss? Why does he smell like perfume? I keep asking myself these questions over and over, trying to calm myself, trying to deal. Until three o’clock in the morning when he gets home I run in circles, wondering when he’ll be back. When he gets home he’s drunk and… He keeps saying it’s for us. He says he’s doing it for me, so we can be together. Then… why can’t I take it? Is it wrong that it makes me feel… like this? It’s like if I tell him to stop, I’ll be the one putting everything in danger. But… I really don’t want him to…”

“Then tell him,” Kochi said evenly.

“But how can I?” Uchi sobbed out, tears shining in his eyes as he looked back up.

“Oh, for goodness sake,” Koichi barked out. “Get a grip. And… think about what you’re doing. Are you… are you seriously telling me that you had those feelings inside of you and instead of telling your lover about them, you retreated and over feeling rejected you got your own little bit of revenge by fucking me?”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Uchi insisted. “I really don’t want it.”

“Then why did you do that? I mean, it’s like you picked me specifically for that purpose,” Koichi demanded.

The other merely shook his head in denial. “No. No, that’s not true.” He was crying hard by then. “I don’t want to hurt him. I love him. It just… hurts so much…”

Koichi sighed, looking at the miserable figure in front of him.

“Uchi-kun, I’m not a very… sympathetic person, but I guess you’ve learned that by now, so please forgive me for saying this, but… you’re an idiot.”

Uchi merely kept shaking his head in denial. Watching him aggravated Koichi somehow. He walked up to the younger man, forced his head up to look at him and started to shake him, as though he thought the boy was asleep and needed a decent waking up.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” he demanded harshly.

“You don’t know how much it hurts,” Uchi cried out. “What do you know? You never… loved someone like that.”

“Oh no? Guess what, I have feelings too. I feel love. And I know that it can hurt so much you want to stab a fucking knife into your guts, because that must cause a more pleasant feeling.”

Uchi gulped. Koichi’s eyes were burning. For a second he seriously feared the other might actually slap him, but then Koichi merely continued to yell at him. “I know all of that. And I’m not saying I’m any smarter than you – but at least I don’t blame other people for my decisions. At least, if I feel the grudge coming up, I direct it at the one person that’s to blame – myself.

If you can’t live with it on your own, go and talk to your lover. You’re a grown man, dammit, you’ve got to deal with your own decisions. If you don’t talk to him, you decide to tolerate what’s going on. And what’s that shit about feeling `ungrateful´ if you confront him? He decided on it for himself, right? He might think it’s a good idea too. So what?! It’s still your right as his partner to at least tell him that you never asked him for that kind of `deed´ to your relationship and that he can go and fuck himself if he thinks that it’ll improve anything.”

Uchi merely stared at him, unable to speak, or move. He didn’t know what to do. Koichi was an impulsive character, he knew that much. He’d felt it during rehearsals. But he’d never seen such an out-break of the other man before.

“What…” he finally stuttered, “do you blame yourself for?”

Koichi gave him a weak smile that lay somewhere between sarcastic and sad. “For… giving into you,” he finally stated.

“Why did you?”

“Because I’m an idiot too.”

“That’s not really answering…”

“I’m not telling you,” Koichi interrupted. “I won’t tell you. It’s my own decision and I have to deal with it. Now go home and settle things with Nishikido. Please tell him that I’m sorry.”

With that Koichi left the scene and even though he was in no visible hurry, he still felt like he was the one running away. Even though he could always argue that he still had a little issue to settle…




_____________________________________________________________________________________________

“What did you do?” Koichi barked out as soon as he spotted the detective in a silent corner of the entrance hall.

“Relax,” Kajima said, smiling wickedly. “It’s a trap.”

“A what?” Koichi asked in disbelief.

“It’s a trap. I’m expecting that the criminal will get nervous if the entire agency is looking for him. He’ll make a mistake, for sure.”

“You,” Koichi pressed out, then bit his lip.

“Yes?”

“I can’t afford to tell you what you are,” Koichi bit at him.

“I beg your pardon?” Kajima blinked.

“It’s 100yen for abusive use of the word gay. I’d lose a lot of money if I simply ranted about you.”

“I see,” Kajima nodded. “Well, if there’s nothing you want to say, how about we talk about something different?”

“Like what?”

“Tsuyoshi-san,” Kajima suggested.

“What about him?”

“Well… he told me quite some interesting things. You’ve been together for a very long time.”

“So?”

“He likes you very much. Really.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes.”

“And… what about you?”

Suddenly Koichi flew at the detective, grabbing him by the shirt and shaking him a bit.

“Never ask me about Tsuyoshi,” he hissed into the other’s face. “And if you even dare suggest that he did this to me, I swear I’ll do things to you you’ll get to arrest me for.”

Kajima merely kept looking at him. Once Koichi let go of him with a disgusted sound the detective rearranged his clothing. Then he looked back at Koichi.

“Do you know why emotions are so interesting? They are totally irrational. You cannot foresee them, or make them happen. They are completely chaotic, spontaneous and just totally illogical. And sometimes you’ll think it’s stupid. Close to impossible. But yet, you’ll get the most amazing situations. How come, that even though you both love each other so much, you never dared to make that last move?”

Koichi stiffened visibly. “Of course I love Tsuyoshi,” he said dismissively. “We’ve been together for such a long time, spending so much time together, we’ve grown close…”

“I’m not talking about that kind of love, Koichi. I know passion when I see it.”

“It’s because I hate you with a passion.”

“You can keep telling yourself that. Or you face the truth that you don’t want to look at and ask yourself how it came to be like this. While you love him, there’s always this distance between the two of you. Desperation, longing…”

“And what do you know about it?” Koichi burst out. “You fucking ignorant bastard. You think you understand? You think by just looking into someone’s face for a few moments you can catch their entire story? What do you know about me and Tsuyoshi?”

“I know you’ve both been lying to each other.”

“Sometimes people lie to protect what’s precious to them.”

“Do you think this situation makes him happy? Are you happy with it?”

“Stop butting into my affairs,” Koichi demanded. “I’m through with you.”

With that Koichi turned around and left.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________


Finally a new chapter. I apologise for taking so long. Life is so busy. @_@ At any rate, this is it for now. Next will finally reveal a bit about Macchin's story-line and Akame will go into theri next round. As well as Ryo and Uchi, of course. Oh, and I have to bring Tsuyoshi back as well. He didn't appear in here at all. Guess next chap will be long. ^^ Please look forward to it. :D

Hand 2

Null Round 1

Comments

[unyiel.livejournal.com]

I hope you continue writing this story
Im corious how tsu and ko next who the culprit
Ganbatte ne
Sankyuu
Waiting for next chapter