Kagen no tsuki - Part 7: Love and marriage

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids (AU characters)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: bad language, mentions of sex, some violence
Setting: AU
Multi-Chapter


Note: I. Am. BACK!!!!!!!! And boy, am I back. I am so back, I can't even post everything that I have finished tonight, because it would take until tomorrow. So, be perpared for update tomorrow as well. As it is, here are my first treats. Hope you'll like them.


Intro: Okay, you guys had better be prepared for big drama and philosophical chaos. Of course, Go and Hikaru have to face some new very bothersome difficulties that will not only put their relationship at stake, but it will also come to be that their relationship will put their safetly at stake. Now they have to find a way to deal with their problems and with who they are, as people and as a couple. (See, philosophical chaos already begins. @_@ ) Hope you'll like.

Hikaru winced, shifting uncomfortably. His “treat” the previous night had been particularly nasty and had left him sore and hurting. Sadly Katsumi hadn’t shown ever since he had left him at the festival to see Go. Not that he was surprised, or blamed his friend in any way. He figured it must be hard for the other to accept that there was a guy Hikaru liked and… well, slept with. Something he had always and repeatedly denied Katsumi, after all. Hikaru sighed. Go hadn’t been around either. Not that this was more of a surprise. He had to stick with his family, after all. Not to mention that they had to be careful about being seen outside of the theatre.

Hikaru’s stomach grumbled, but he felt too tired to get up to find something to eat, so he simply flopped down onto the floor. It had been six days since his fateful encounter with the Kurakawa son. Saito had scolded him for being too careless, for letting “one of those people” close, because in the end “he will be one of those who’ll have your head for an apple”. Arguing with Saito was tiring. His hatred of the Samurai class and the Daimyos was fundamental and his views were as rigid as… well, as those of the Daimyos, who claimed that their reign was a rightful thing.

Hikaru didn’t care much about power, or even money. In his world there were certainly some people who were fit to supervise others and those who needed supervision. He never could quite figure out, though, how the “who is who” in that concern should be determined by your family name. It seemed too utterly random and totally illogical to determine a ruler by who gave birth to them. Responsibility, effort, wisdom and kindness should be treasured by everybody and also evaluated in everybody. The world would be a much better place. Not to mention…

Hikaru started up as he heard the door to his room being crushed open.

“There you are,” Katsumi panted, completely out of breath.

“Ka-tsumi,” Hikaru stuttered out.

The other boy sighed in relief. “Saito said you left early last night and you didn’t look well. Then you didn’t show today and so he got worried and came to the temple. I ran over here immediately.”

“Katsumi,” Hikaru sighed out, a grateful smile gracing his lips. “Thank you… for being worried.”

Katsumi merely shook his head. “It’s in part my fault too. I just left without a word and didn’t bother to check on you. I’m…”

“You really don’t have to apologize,” Hikaru interrupted him softly, but firmly. “I… I practically dumped you out in public just when I was about to run off to see my lover.” He blinked for a moment. “When I sum it up like that, it sounds absolutely despicable. Why did you even come back now?”

“Because I was worried,” Katsumi said intensely. “Because I… Because you’re important to me and I never should have left like that.” Hikaru wanted to cut in again, but Katsumi would have none of it. “No, Hikaru, listen to me. You… you made it perfectly clear that you did not want me like that.”

“I never said,” Hikaru tried to argue.

Katsumi cut him off again, though. “I am not an idiot, Karu. There was no need for you to say anything. I could tell. Always. From the very first time I tried to… touch you. The need in your eyes and the guilty glint whenever you kept me at a comfortable distance. I understood right then that you weren’t interested in me. I guess at first I kept hoping that maybe I could win your heart and make you look my way. But in the end… I guess I was just being selfish, greedily latching onto everything you would offer me and even finding some sort of weird comfort in the fact that you battled with yourself in that inner conflict.” Katsumi’s eyes were shining brightly, his breath coming in short puffs.

“Hikaru, I…” He stared at the boy he loved so much, still fighting back tears. His body was shaking slightly and he bit his lip. Then a light seemed to fade in his eyes, as though he had just given up on something vitally important. His voice sounded broken when he spoke again. “I love you,” he simply whispered out.

Hikaru just stared at him. “There… was no need for you to say that,” he mumbled uncomfortably.

“Mh, I just wanted to… say it. Just once.”

Hikaru sighed. “Katsumi, listen, if you want to find a new place, then…”

“What are you talking about?” Katsumi interrupted him. “I’m not leaving you. You can’t afford this place on your own. And I don’t expect you’ll get that Kurakawa guy to buy you into his house any time soon. Just because I love you doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. Unless you’re throwing me out. Perhaps your lover doesn’t want me here?”

Hikaru had to laugh a bit at that. “I randomly sell my body to strangers, he can deal with a room mate. By the way, how do you know? I mean…”

“Oh, Saito gave me quite a rant,” Katsumi told him. “According to him you’ve cut back on your `randomness´ as of late and he thinks it’s not good altogether.”

Hikaru rolled his eyes. “Fantastic. Now he starts giving you speeches too. He just doesn’t like Go, is all.”

“Because he is sleeping with you?” Katsumi mused.

“Well, first I think it’s because he is… well, who he is. And then, maybe, a little bit because he’s sleeping with me, yeah.”

The two boys chuckled a bit. Hikaru felt a lot lighter inside. It felt good to have Katsumi around again. As a matter of fact, now that the other boy was there standing with him again, he thought that he hadn’t even allowed himself to miss the other boy as much as he had truly felt it. An unexpectedly comfortable silence followed. After a while Katsumi got back to the topic, though.

“Why did you not show at the theatre today?” he asked his friend.

“Saito again,” Hikaru sighed. “As if I had ever missed a single show. I’m… not feeling well, so I skipped the meeting. I’ve done it before, why does he make such a fuss about it now?”

“Rough job last night?” Katsumi asked directly, but carefully.

Hikaru merely nodded and winced again, being reminded of his body’s current state.

“Okay,” Katsumi said with a nod, clapping his hands together. “You rest. I’ll prepare a bath for you. That’ll ease the pain.”

Hikaru smiled gratefully at his friend. “Thank you so much.”

“What friends are for,” Katsumi offered with a wink before he flew out the door.

______________________________________________________________________________________

“Go-kun,” Endo said softly.

Even the soothing voice startled him, though and ripped Go out of his thoughts.

“Oh, Endo-san. What is it?” the boy wanted to know.

“Go-kun… your father wishes to see you.”

Go was already about to get up, but a gesture from the other man made him halt.

“Before you go to see him, I think it would be good if we had a little chat,” Endo explained, already seating himself on the floor.

“Okay, what is it?” Go asked, straightening up.

“Go-kun… the charm that you brought the other night,” Endo began carefully and Go already stiffened at the older man’s tone.

“Y-yes?” thy boy stuttered.

“I was worried,” Endo informed him. “About Kuma. He is not used to sleeping outdoors. And in a heavy storm.”

Go nodded warily. “Yeah, well… he was scared, that’s why I thought I should wait until the storm was over and… ride home the next morning instead.”

Endo nodded. “I am sure that you calculated your decision carefully.” He looked intensely at Go. “I am also very sure that you have learned that… storms are something to be very careful about. It is certainly a good thing that your horse recovered so quickly and without any difficulties. But you certainly want to make sure not to get caught in a storm again. They can be dangerous.”

“Well,” Go said licking his lips nervously. “It’s not like you can foresee…”

“Certainly not,” Endo agreed, but at the same time cut Go off. “But you can certainly avoid… trouble. You have to think… of your family, Go-kun. You are a son of this family and you have to accept the responsibility that comes with that.”

“That doesn’t quite sound like you,” Go stated, a slight frown coming to his face.

“Well,” Endo continued, ignoring Go’s thought, “the thing about storms is that they come unexpectedly and wildly into your life, rumble it up and then they just dissolve and move on again just like that, leaving no trace on your person.” Another intense look, then Endo’s eyes softened, turned almost comforting. “I think it’s time now that you see your father.”

Go looked at him nervously. “Ano… Endo-san. Does father… does he know about the storm?”

There was a short pause, then Endo blinked, as though confused. “Well, he knows certainly. Haven’t you told him about it yourself?”

“Well, yeah. But I mean…”

“Go-kun, your father doesn’t spare a lot of thoughts on storms that do not shake his own grounds. That is how he and I are different. I thought you would have learned that by now.”

Go nodded, smiling in relief. He nodded and made his leave, only starting to consider what to do about his situation when he had closed the door behind him. That would have to wait until later, though. He made his way through the grounds and then finally knocked on his father’s working room.

“Do come in,” he heard his father’s voice.

Taking a deep breath, Go opened the door and slid inside the room. His father considered him for a moment, then made a gesture for him to sit.

“Come here. I have something important to talk to you about.”

“What is it?” Go asked, seating himself.

“Go, you are now a man of 21 years. You are a good boy and you have always made me proud. You have learned a lot and you will be a good head of your family when the day comes.”

Go simply nodded his respect and thanks, but felt a bit confused. In addition to that he also felt a knot starting to build and twist in his guts.

“It is time for you now to take over the responsibility you have been taught and educated to take.”

“I’m sorry, father, I don’t quite understand,” Go said carefully.

His father merely nodded. “It is time for you to become a respectable man, a head of your own family and a leader of our clan.”

“And… how would you wish for me to do that?” Go asked, starting to feel really uncomfortable.

“You will marry,” his father stated simply.

Go could do nothing but stare at his father in disbelief. He tried to keep his composure, but couldn’t quite manage and gasped.

“I… what?! But… when? Who? … Why?”

“You are 21, Go. It seems to me that it’s actually about time you took that step.”

“But you never said anything,” Go tried to argue.

“You mean you are not happy that I have found you a bride?” his father asked, sounding a bit irritated.

“I…” Go shook his head, trying to clear it. “It’s just… so sudden. I didn’t expect, I mean… getting married… to whom?”

“To Kamachi Mariko. I expect you remember her,” his father stated bluntly.

Go’s eyes grew wide. “I certainly… do remember her. If I remember correctly I used to babysit her when your friend came over to our house not too long ago. Why… I mean, it’s not like I am displeased with your choice,” Go stated carefully, “I just don’t understand…”

“Atsushi is dying,” his father stated evenly.

Go stiffened at that. “What?! Wha- what happened?”

“He got hurt during an ambush,” his father related. “They are treating him, but the doctor expects that he will not survive the weekend.”

Go gulped at that. “That… oh my god, I… I don’t know what to say…”

His father nodded. “That’s okay. But, Go… Atsushi is my best friend.”

“I know.”

“And he leaves his family completely unguarded. His wife and daughter will be lost. So, naturally, as his friend I must step up to help him protect his family. You will marry Mariko and be the head of their house. Your own house, when the time comes. Everything will be arranged as quickly as possible.”

“But… father…” Go muttered out. “Mariko… she… I mean, she is really cute, but… she is still a child. Not even 14, if I remember correctly.”

“Not yet,” his father agreed, “but almost. She is fit to get married to you. She is healthy, she is of our class and she is bleeding.”

“But really…” Go tied to argue again.

“I will hear no more about this,” his father cut in, voice rising. “She is a fit woman to marry and the Kamachi family needs a new head.”

“But… what about Anju-san?”

His father’s eyes narrowed. “That’s Endo’s ideas in your mouth again. Even when I told him to refrain from giving you those ridiculous ideas.”

“What’s so ridiculous about it? It’s not like Anju-san is stupid. She knows how things are running on her grounds, after all. She is a very smart woman too.”

“That is completely off the point,” his father told him. “A woman can never be a head over male workers. They cannot handle the responsibility that comes with it and they are weak with decisions.”

“Talk about ridiculous,” Go mumbled angrily.

“I will hear no more about it,” Kurakawa roared out, startling his son. “You are going to be head of the family and that’s final.”

“But… don’t you see that this is… it’s just wrong. Mariko will be devastated, Anju-san is mourning and at the same time she will have to deal with me cutting into her life and business. Having lost her husband in such a… pointless fight over power. Really, if the commoners were given more freedom, those stupid ravaging acts wouldn’t happen and then Kamachi-san wouldn’t have b…”

A harsh sound had Go stop his fierce speech. He hadn’t even intended to speak so daringly, but as he went, his temper got the better of him. Go blinked. He thought the room was spinning a bit. Shaking it in an effort to try and clear it, Go noticed that his head hurt somewhat, and as he grasped it, he felt that his right side was slightly swollen. His eyes went to his father again, who had gotten up and glared down at him in rage. His right hand was shaking and lightly smeared with blood. Go’s eyes grew wide as he realised what had just happened.

“You can leave now,” his father told him, his voice icy. “You have been told everything you need to know. Go now.”

Go almost jumped up and made for the door, stumbling backwards and still staring at his father in disbelief. He fled the room and ran as fast as he could. The moment he closed the door to his own room, he broke down on the floor crying.

“So you know your fate now.”

Go started up. He hadn’t even realised that Endo was there, apparently having waited for him. The old man frowned at the sight of the boy, but didn’t voice, or ask any questions. Go just shook his head.

“It’s madness. Pure madness.” He looked at Endo, as though hoping for the other to agree. “Why doesn’t he see? Why can’t he… understand?”

“He understands your feelings very well,” Endo told the boy. “You should consider his feelings too. He is losing a very dear friend.”

“From the looks of it, he doesn’t care about that in the slightest. All he kept talking about was how the family needs a head.”

“You know that your father is not a heartless man,” Endo stated firmly. “He is certainly hurting from the loss. And he tries to do what is right. What he can do to help his friend.”

“And it doesn’t matter how I feel about it,” Go analysed miserably.

“I would hardly think so,” Endo retorted. “It seems, though, that you will have to accept your place in this world and take up the responsibility that is burdened on you.”

“And thus be slain in my sleep some day as well,” Go answered bitterly. “The revolting will continue, you said so yourself.”

“The situation is far from relaxed, I agree, but even so you cannot simply deny your family your devotion.”

“He hit me,” Go choked out, tears coming to his eyes again. “He has never hit me. Not once.”

“It seems that your father’s composure is really a bit out of hand,” Endo gave him. “He loves you no end and he wants you well, but there are things that come with being a Daimyo’s son.”

“But you said that I could help to make the world a better place,” Go argued. “Was all of that just lies?”

“No, Go-kun,” Endo said, shaking his head. “They certainly were not lies. You can make a difference in this world. But you are mistaken if you think that you can change the world over night. Or even during a life-time. Things that you do can influence other people’s actions, views and opinions and some day that will lead to gradual change. The world is a complex thing, Go-kun, and you cannot re-form it easily.”

“So, what can I do now?” Go asked, sounding broken.

“You can accept your place and act your part in this world and if you do it well you will leave it a better place.”

“Somehow that doesn’t sound very encouraging,” Go sighed.

“It’s but what you can do,” Endo said sympathetically. “On your own grounds, you will be able to do things according to your own beliefs. Work with that. There is a lot that you can do, you will see.”

“How?” Go asked. “If like you just said I won’t even live to notice any changes? How can my views be of importance if they die with me?”

“Oh, they will not,” Endo told him. “Views are thoughts. And thoughts are a powerful thing. If there is one thing in this world that you can absolutely not kill, it’s an idea. Once a thought it born, it will inevitably spread into the world and affect it in whatever way. Always be aware that the things you do and the way in which you do them hold great power, one that you might not even be able to estimate.”

Go kept sitting there, considering Endo’s words very carefully for quite a while. In the end, he simply nodded, the light in his eyes growing stronger again.

“So I will get married, then,” he stated with a nod, still trying to get used to the idea, but not feeling as lost anymore as he had before.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Done. Mah, why can I never just let my characters be happy? Poor Go-kun. Poor Hikaru too. What will happen when he learns about this? I feel really bad about this. Omg, I am dreading the second post...

Chapter 6

Chapter 8