Kagen no tsuki - Part 5: Tears of happiness

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids (AU characters)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: bad language, mentions of sex, some angst
Setting: AU
Multi-Chapter


Intro: What will happen to Hikaru and Go when they want to be together, but they have so many odds against them? They are both daring in their advances, although Hikaru find himself still wary. And then there are so many people around them, who can never learn. And others, who know and have to keep their secret...


Note: Nothing much this time. I would have loved to develop the story even further with this, but I don't want to rush it, so it'll have to wait until the next time. Again, no sex. And it's all Hikaru's fault. He's already behaving like a little prince again. XD  Hope you like. ^^

“Omg, what happened?” Katsumi demanded in horror, immediately rushing to Hikaru’s side and checking out his ankle.

Hikaru sighed, but smiled warmly at the other. “Please, calm down. It’s nothing much,” he assured. “I can even play tomorrow.”

“What – play?” Katsumi gasped out in disbelief. “No, no, no. No way.”

“It’s okay,” the older boy assured him. “The doctor even said it’s okay.”

“Really?” Katsumi asked, looking at him sceptically.

“Really,” Hikaru nodded in confirmation.

“But really,” the younger boy insisted with a pout, “you should have sent for me to bring you home. Walking by yourself like this.”

“Well…” Hikaru mumbled uncomfortably.

Katsumi blinked at him. “What?”

“Well, honestly… someone brought me home. And to the doctor too.”

Hikaru inspected his friend closely to see his reaction. The younger boy merely stared at him. He didn’t seem to understand at first, and then he was plainly confused.

“Someone brought you?” he asked, scratching his head. “But who? How?”

“It was…” Hikaru licked his lips nervously. “When this happened there was by chance… well, one of my customers was there.”

Katsumi’s eyes grew wide. “What – a customer of yours? And he attended to you? Out on the street?”

“Well, he covered me up,” Hikaru explained. “And then he let me ride on his horse so I wouldn’t have to walk.”

“Well, it’s good that you weren’t on your own,” Katsumi decided, sighing in relief. “And then he even took you back?”

The older boy merely nodded. “And… he was worried for me, so he bought food,” he continued warily.

At that the other blinked. “Wow, that guy must really… fancy you…”

“I guess so,” Hikaru shrugged.

Katsumi just kept staring at him, then his eyes widened again and he got overly worked up.

“Oh my god, Hikaru,” he called out. “Do you think…?”

“Ano… what?” Hikaru asked innocently.

“Do you think he wants to get you exclusively?” the younger boy blurted out excitedly.

At that Hikaru blinked. He hadn’t expected the other to make that connection, but it certainly worked in his favour.

“Well… who knows? Maybe,” he shrugged.

“Of course,” Katsumi exclaimed. “Why else would he take care of you and even buy food?”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Hikaru mused.

“Well, that’s really good for you, isn’t it? So, that’s why you want to perform by all means, right? He’ll come to see you.”

“Katsumi,” the older boy sighed with a smile. “Don’t get too worked up already. Nothing’s settled just yet.”

“It’s looking good, though,” Katsumi insisted, smiling. “It would be good for you to cut back on your second job.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Hikaru sighed. “Well, let’s hope I get lucky.”

“I do,” the younger boy chirped. “He’s a kind person, right?”

“Oh, yes he is,” Hikaru answered with a smile.

“That’s good then,” the younger boy smiled back. “And since we have this at home, I’ll now cook for you.”

“I feel bad about you always doing this for me,” Hikaru mumbled.

“Nonsense,” Katsumi waved him off. “It’s nothing. Now, let me work.”

With that the boy got up and made to get his cooking utensils. Then he stopped, blinking.

Where is my big knife?

________________________________________________________________________________________

“Where on earth have you been?” Kurakawa demanded harshly. “You should have been home hours ago.”

“I know,” Go mumbled out miserably. “I’m sorry, I… I got lost,” he tried helplessly.

“Lost?” his father asked, his voice suspicious.

“Uhn, yes, I… I went looking for a horse and I tried sitting on some of them,” the boy related, trying to think up something suitable as he went.

His father, however, interrupted him. “Why would you look for a horse? You have a good one,” Kurakawa said dismissively.

“Yeah, well,” Go stuttered, “it’s just that… he’s growing old. I’ve been thinking maybe it would be better to leave him here for light work and such, rather than ride with him all the way to Kyoto.”

“Kyoto,” his father mused. “Is that all you’re thinking about as of late?”

“What – no,” Go objected, knowing he sounded weak. “That’s not… that’s not it. It’s generally… for farther places. He’d have trouble. So I thought about getting a new one.”

“I see,” Kurakawa sighed. “Just be sure you don’t lose your head in that Kabuki theatre. Those boys may be pretty, but they’re vicious and cunning and they know exactly how to appeal and extract whatever they might want. Hikaru is just a minor. But you’ve met Saito-kun, I believe? He lives in a very good house, way up the road from the theatre, his clothing is neat and his rhetorical skills are remarkable. He doesn’t have any problems when it comes to money, even though he has no status, or proper job. Most of his achievements and belongings are gifts made by customers. So, just be aware that what they want is to get by as best they possibly can. They will take whatever you offer without question and then maybe demand even more.”

“Father,” Go dragged out, rolling his eyes, “please, I am not an idiot. What – just because I go to Kyoto a bit more means I’m losing my head? Today there wasn’t even a performance. I just went to buy the tea that mother wanted,” he explained, producing a small box.

“And then?” his father asked, moving back to the earlier issue.

“Well, I saw the horses standing there and I thought I’d have a look,” Go explained again. “And then one of them suddenly leaped up and ran off and there was nothing I could do. When I could finally calm it enough to slow the pace, I already had no idea where I was anymore. And so I tried to find people who could help me find my way back. Eventually I came by a smaller farm and asked for directions there. But it sure took a while.”

His father sighed, still eyeing him suspiciously. But then he simply shook his head.

“Well, next time you want to buy a horse, you should take me along,” he decided. “And I’ll tell that low-life peasant what awaits him, if something like this should happen again.

Go sighed inwardly in relief, a grin now easily slipping onto his face.

“That won’t be necessary,” the boy assured his father. “I really think I did a fair job of that. He even locked himself into his little hut.”

At that Kurakawa laughed. “Why, that’s my boy,” he said proudly, patting his son’s shoulder. “Well done. Now, check in with your mother and tell her that we can finally have dinner.”

“Yes, sir,” Go nodded and ran off.

________________________________________________________________________________________




“Sorry, kiddo, Hikaru’s not in tonight,” Saito told Go with a dismissive gesture.

Go blinked at that, feeling rather surprised, but mainly disappointed. “But…”

“No buts,” Saito cut in. He sounded rather harsh, but then he sighed before he continued. “He said that he won’t see customers tonight. Don’t know what hit him. He just ran off, said something about ramen and left me here to explain his moods. Really…”

Go first bit his lip, then he looked firmly at the other boy again. “Ramen?” he asked carefully.

“Yes, that’s what he said,” Saito said, giving him a pointed look.

“Oh, okay, then,” Go said with a short nod. “Well, thank you. See you again.”

“Kurakawa-san,” Saito called out to him. “Be sure to take care on your way. One never knows who might be out there watching, or listening. You really don’t want to get into trouble. Or cause other people trouble, for that matter. Watch out.”

The moment Go turned around once more the other boy had already disappeared, closing the back door of the theatre. Go blinked for a moment, then shrugged and decided to set out. His father was busy drinking with his friends, so he had at least a good hour to find Hikaru and… well, whatever came then. He felt flushed with happiness.

He wants to see me. Just me. He even had Saito give me a clue. Gotta run…

Not even five minutes later Go was at the ramen store where he had eaten the other day. Sadly, he couldn’t find Hikaru there. The store was closing down too. He sighed. He looked around the place and saw people hurrying up and down, most probably trying to get home quickly. Some drunk men, who were stumbling by, laughing madly. Go made a face and turned the other way and he halted. He tilted his head, wondering, then set out, moving up the road. He got to the little side lane Hikaru had dragged him into the other day. Biting his lip, he dared a little glimpse down the lane.

“You’re not nearly as smart as I expected,” he heard a teasing voice and saw Hikaru standing in the frame of the barber shop’s side door. “You took forever,” Hikaru told him with a grin.

“Well, it’s not my fault if all of a sudden you have to act all mysteriously,” Go grumbled out.

Hikaru chuckled at that. “Well, it’s not like I could safely meet you out there,” the younger boy pointed out.

“I was at the theatre,” Go explained helplessly.

“I know,” Hikaru sighed, stepping out of the shadow and a bit closer. “But I didn’t want to meet there. The theatre is business. And… I don’t want this to be business.”

Go grinned at the soft blush he made out on the other’s face. “You have issues telling people you like them, right?”

“Whatever, take it, or leave it,” Hikaru shot back defensively.

“Well, I’ll take it then,” Go said amusedly. “At least I’m not business.”

“Good,” Hikaru sighed in relief. “You should have heard Saito bitching at me. How I put my career at stake by hanging with you rather than appealing to… guests…”

“Ah, I see,” Go nodded. “He seemed a bit unsettled.”

“He’s really just jealous,” Hikaru explained with a grin.

“Jealous?”

“Yeah. Actually… he has offered me to take me in repeatedly.”

“Take you in? What does that mean?” Go asked.

“Well,” Hikaru explained. “He can’t buy me as his personal toy. He’d have to be of a higher rank than me. Instead he has offered me to come stay in his house as… well, a kind of servant.”

“Sex servant?” Go asked, voice pressed.

Hikaru smiled, pleased that the other would find such an idea outrageous. “Having sex with him would not be a service. But I guess it would be expected. He kind of has a thing for me.”

“Him too?” Go asked sceptically.

“I can’t help being popular,” Hikaru shrugged. “But he’s not… He just thinks I’m hot. I mean, with him, there’s no feeling in it. But that’s not what it would be in the first place. I’m talking about house matters, cooking, cleaning and stuff like that.”

“And you refused that?” Go asked. “Why?”

“I’ll rather be my own man than someone else’s wife,” Hikaru stated firmly.

At that Go looked at the other, trying to assess that statement. Then he nodded.

“I understand that,” he finally decided.

“Thanks,” Hikaru answered with a smile.

“And Nakao-kun?” Go asked, thinking it might be the best time to bring that topic up and settle it once and for all.

Hikaru sighed. “He’s madly in love with me. But… he’s really just after my body too. Well, I believe him that he likes me. Which is why I keep refusing him, because somehow I have the feeling that if I let him… well, `in´ I’d disappoint him, because… I simply don’t love him. And I like him, so I don’t want to hurt him.”

“But you never tell him that, but keep him close for `friendly´ touches whenever you feel like them?” Go asked, his voice betraying too much of his being upset.

“What – you wanna judge me?” Hikaru asked bitingly. “I admit that sometimes I… just use it to my advantage that he likes me. But I don’t do anything he doesn’t want. And in return I always live with the risk that one day he won’t be able to hold himself back anymore and just…”

“If he loves you, he won’t do that,” Go objected, still feeling uneasy.

“Oh, really?” Hikaru asked sarcastically. He shook his head. “You’re so naïve. Or should I say you just have some sweet double-morals there?”

“What?!”

“Then tell me, why did you come to Kyoto, to the play, here tonight?” Hikaru dared the other, eyes flickering dangerously.

Go stared at him, “Wha-…” he broke off, thinking for a while. Then he looked at the other again. “I came to see you,” he stated simply.

“Oh, just to see me?” Hikaru asked, raising a brow. “Nothing more?”

“I… how’s your foot?” Go suddenly asked, all of a sudden really worried, when he had wanted to tell the other that he was.

“I’ll live,” Hikaru shrugged him off. “But you really did not come by in hopes for sex?”

Go bit his lip, glaring at the other. But then he sighed, defeated.

“Well,” he mumbled out, “maybe I was thinking about that,” he admitted.

“Ah,” Hikaru made with a nod.

“But…” Go immediately continued, “I mean, that’s not why… I came… I don’t know how to explain that. I mean, I can’t deny that I want to – that I want you… but still, the fact that I want to see you… has nothing to do with that.”

There was a longer pause in which the two boys inspected each other, trying to read the other’s mind and assessing what exactly they were dealing with. It was risky for both of them to meet outside the theatre. And what would be worth that risk. In the end it was Hikaru, who broke the silence, deciding that he was far enough into it to try to go for it all.

“Prove it,” he demanded, crossing his arms.

The older boy blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not after… my body, you say," Hikaru analysed. “Prove it.”

“H-how?”

“Don’t sleep with me tonight,” the younger boy requested. “I want you to kiss me, hold me, but no more.”

“That’s it?” Go asked.

The other nodded. “Well… the thing is… it’s hard to explain… I don’t want you to want it.”

“Okay, I totally don’t get that,” the older boy told him.

“Well… I don’t know how to say it… Like, when Katsumi touches me, I can tell. It’s like I can feel his greed for more. The way he restrains himself… I want you to kiss me… and be utterly pleased by just that.”

Go first stared at him, then tilted his head inspecting the other and finally a grin spread on his lips, that looked playful and predatory at the same time.

“Tasting your lips is the utmost pleasure,” Go told him, stepping closer. “If you will allow me, I will definitely love it and need nothing more.”

Hikaru smiled at the declaration and nodded. However, just as Go strode forward to capture him, Hikaru pushed him back again.

“Not here,” the younger boy whispered. “If you move back to the main road, cross the square and move back and towards the outskirt. On your right hand side you will find a small house with a big lantern at the front and two shisa at the main entry. Move around the house on the left and you’ll find an open door inside.”

“Eh? What kind of house is that?”

“It’s a friend’s…” Hikaru explained mysteriously. “But he’s not in at the moment. So, go there.”

With that Hikaru turned around and ran off back into the lane.

“Hey, where are you going?” Go wanted to know.

“Taking a different road,” Hikaru explain with a smile. “Better be careful. But you had better hurry – I won’t wait so long again,” he teased with a wink and the next moment was already around the next corner.

Go grinned and set out into the direction Hikaru had given him. He still had time. And if he was a few minutes late, he could always claim that he had taken home some drunk lad. A good ten minutes later he found the house he thought Hikaru must have talked about. It wasn’t exactly the highest standard, but definitely no low-class hut. He stepped onto the grounds, made his way to the left side of the building and sure enough found a door there. Standing there he hesitated for a moment. He could just as well have been set-up and be about to get ambushed, robbed, raped, and/or killed. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and sure enough found Hikaru already inside, lighting a few candles.

“Oh, you came,” Hikaru said happily.

“Why would I not?” Go asked. “My orientation isn’t that rotten.”

“Well, I thought maybe you’d change your mind after my face isn’t there to mesmerise you anymore,” Hikaru explained with a shrug. “Or are you here to take what you want anyway?”

“You have an issue trusting people too, huh?” Go returned, sitting down on the floor. “I didn’t come for anything. I mean, anything you don’t want and enjoy to share.”

“I might not be a trusting person,” Hikaru admitted. “But you still have to make your point about loving me, with or without sex.”

“Well, come here, then,” Go offered, “and I’ll make my point.”

“Eager already?” the younger boy asked pointedly.

“I just don’t like being bitched at for nothing,” Go shot out.

At that Hikaru blinked. Then his eyes softened.

“Ah,” he made, “I’m sorry. You’re right. You were kind to me and all I do is… you know, I’ve never met anyone… like you… and I think I can’t quite believe it, so I’m trying to find something that’s off about you.” He halted, considering that thought. “Oh my god, that’s awful,” he assessed his own mind.

Go chuckled at that. “Well, it’s not nice,” he agreed. “But well, considering what you might have had in your life, I guess trust is something you can’t afford easily.”

A longer pause followed that felt a bit awkward.

“I talk to my bonsai,” Go finally stated.

Hikaru blinked at him. “Sorry, what?”

“Well, you said you wanted to find something that’s off about me,” Go explained with a shrug. “And my friends keep saying it’s off that I talk to my bonsai.”

Another blink, then Hikaru burst out laughing heartily. The other smiled at the reaction.

“Okay,” Hikaru still giggled, “if that’s the best thing you can think of, I might be quite safe wit-“

Suddenly his air was cut off. He hadn’t even noticed how Go had gotten up, moving in on him, but now he felt the other grabbing him and pressing their lips together. He gasped at the unexpected touch. He felt hands on his body and a tongue on his lips. It didn’t really feel demanding, more like desperate, or maybe something right in between, like the other wanted him to see, to understand what he meant by kissing him. And Hikaru let him, trying to fit the other’s movements, but feeling strangely off. He pushed back a little.

“Go-kun,” he said silently. “You don’t have to try so hard… Please, just… just this…”

With that he leaned forward again, slowly, carefully touching their lips together again. The calmer touch enticed Go and he adjusted his own pace and feeling to the things he received. A slow, but deep kiss developed that had Hikaru sigh in pleasure. A glint of doubt rose in him as Go settled them down on a meekly prepared futon, but the other kept his promise and did nothing to initiate further moves. They were just moving around on the floor, half-sitting, half-lying, changing positions, kissing and giving light touches. Hikaru smiled, enjoying the closeness, feeling free of all the demands and expectations he usually had to meet. He could feel it in the way the other touched him that he had not lied before. Go seemed to be delighted, totally losing himself in the play of lips and teasing fingers.

At a certain point he wanted to be closer and pressed himself more tightly against the other and Go readily answered the call, closing his arms around him and holding him warmly. Some more time into that the kiss was broken by a sharp intake of breath. Then Go frowned, noticing that the other was shaking in his arms. He drew back to look at the other carefully and found him in tears.

“What… what’s wrong?” he asked, panic rising in him. “Did I do anything?”

Hikaru chuckled lightly at that, shaking his head.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, angrily wiping the offending drops away. “I don’t usually… fuck,” he cursed sitting up.

Go followed immediately, rubbing his back affectionately.

“You’re not really helping, you know,” Hikaru sighed with a week grin.

At that the other gave him a quizzical look.

“I think you’re the first person I ever met who really is kind and honest to me – just like that,” Hikaru explained. “And I thought such a thing didn’t exist and if it did, I would never get to see, let alone live it. And now you’re here,” he explained, a warm smile on his lips, “and I still can’t believe it and yet I feel so… happy.” New tears welled up and he cursed again. “Sorry,” he mumbled again. “Now you think I’m a corny sissy.”

“Hardly,” Go chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “When was the last time you cried?”

Hikaru mused on that for a while and in the end just shrugged.

“I see,” Go sighed. “Well, I’m glad I can make you this happy with just kissing you.”

“It’s because you really only wanted to kiss me,” Hikaru explained.

“I’d love to kiss you some more,” the older boy admitted, “but I’m now unsure. I don’t want you to return home with your eyes all red. Nakao-kun would get a wrong idea of me.”

Hikaru laughed at that. “Not to worry,” he assured. “I won’t cry anymore.”

With that he closed the distance between them once more and resumed their kiss where they had left off. Go was only too willing to engage in the intimacy again, returning the kiss and moving closer to the other again.

It was about an hour later – or so Go mused from how much of the candles had burnt – when they separated again.

The older boy sighed. “I have to run. My father will be waiting.”

Hikaru merely nodded and Go thought he saw a slight glittery wetness in the other’s eyes again, this time because he knew they had to part.

“I’ll be back soon,” Go promised.

“You can’t come every day,” Hikaru opposed. “People are gonna get suspicious.”

“Then… when do we meet again?”

“Hm…” Hikaru mused. “Ah, I know. Okera-Mairi festival’s coming up. You’re coming, right?”

“Yeah, we come every year. It’s huge.”

Hikaru nodded. “I’ll be there too. If you can… lose your company?” he asked carefully.

“I think I’ll manage,” Go nodded.

“Okay, then we can meet here. Let’s say at about seven?”

“I’ll be here,” the older boy declared.

“Good,” Hikaru said with a grin. “I’ll be here too. And then we can…”

“Whatever you want,” Go assured him.

“Thanks. I think I’ll want to have sex.”

“If that’s your wish…”

With that Go leaned in once more and pecked the other’s lips lightly before finally getting up.

“I’ll see you on Friday, then,” Go confirmed once more.

“At seven,” Hikaru nodded. “Now go. We don’t want you to get grounded for the weekend, do we?”

With a grin Go moved out the door and ran off to meet his father in the bar.


_____________________________________________________________________________________

Yay, done! Aw, I think they're too cute! *loves* And it's cute, they're already falling into their "KinKi" pattern. I told you that would happen. XD Next chapter will be interesting, I'm very much looking forward to it. I should post it soon, Hikaru's already bitching at me why I'm going to bed now rather than writing some good smut with him. ^^

Chapter 4

Chapter 6