Easing the pain
Jan. 11th, 2013 04:56 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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authors_paradisePairing: KinKi Kids
Other Characters: Mainly Nagase and Tackey
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just love them. ^^
Warnings: Language, sex, angsty
One-shot
Notes: I haven't done a KinKi one-shot in forever. So, here it is now. I hope you'll like it. :D
Intro: Koichi turns to Tsuyoshi whenever he feels heart-broken. While the latter is always willingly of help, he has to deal with his own feelings for Koichi. What will happen if there's a spark in a moment of weakness? And how will they deal with it later?
The second Tsuyoshi opened the door many things happened in his head. First, recognition. He knew the person standing outside. He knew the posture the person was in. He knew the items the person was holding. Second, understanding. He combined the elements thrown at him and the situation crashed on him immediately. Third, there’s a big explosion of emotions and impressions – sadness, a sad smile flashing at him, fear, a helpless expression in reddened eyes, sympathy, a silently mumbled apology, reluctance, guilt, wariness, love… back to fear, guilt… He pulled the emergency stop on that train of thought. No matter what he might have thought or felt, he knew the situation could only continue one way.
“Koichi,” he said evenly with a slight nod of his head.
He pushed the door open, offering the other a narrow trace to follow into his apartment.
Koichi merely nodded back, slipping right in. He sighed, shaking his head slightly. Even though, or maybe rather because they’ve been there more than once, he felt somewhere between weak and ridiculous. But then, in a situation like that, he was glad to have some kind of routine he could run. As embarrassing as it was, he knew how to play the game. They knew how to play their game. An awkward, mentally stinging game. One that had its first round so many years ago – by a mere coincidence…
*flashback*
“Na, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi addressed his partner as they changed back into their casual clothes.
“Hm?”
“Wanna go for some dinner tonight?” Tsuyoshi suggested.
Koichi smiled at the other but shook his head. “Thanks, really. It’s a nice idea, though. Let’s do that soon, okay? Tonight I’m going out with Erika.”
“Oh, Tsuyoshi nodded. “Special occasion, or just because?”
“Ah, I’m not sure,” Koichi admitted with a grin. She insisted we meet absolutely tonight, so I checked the calendar. I couldn’t find anything, but I’m guessing that there’s something behind it.”
“Do you suppose…” Tsuyoshi mused, but broke off.
“What?” Koichi asked, blinking.
“Well, maybe she wants to introduce you to her family?” Tsuyoshi shrugged.
At that Koichi’s eyes grew wide, but then he waved the other off. “Nah, we’re not all that serious just yet. Not that I would mind…”
Tsuyoshi snickered at that. “Yeah, you’re traditional when it comes to these things.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” Koichi shrugged. “Well, I’ll know what it is in about an hour. See you tomorrow.”
“Sure, tomorrow,” Tsuyoshi agreed, waving after Koichi.
With a sigh he finished dressing himself. His lips were pressed together as he tried to suppress upwelling emotions. Emotions that he knew were no good and simply would keep him up all night for no reason. Not that he could really actually help it. He’d been infatuated with Koichi ever since they had spent their first night in a hotel room together. Sharing a big matt on the floor, Koichi had been cuddled up against him, making them feel warm together. Tsuyoshi could still feel Koichi’s soft hair against his cheek, his comforting smell engulfing him and his slightly cold fingers brushing his small slightly…. and he was lost to his memories. His stomach started fluttering, as though Koichi were still lying in his arms.
He tried to shake off the feelings, but it was to no avail. He knew how his evening would go and so a good hour later he was sitting at home, a can of beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, the TV running with some stupid game show, but he didn’t really look at it. He just needed the noise to distract himself. Silence was like a haunting demon, that held his fear, his agony and his tears and he refused to be consumed by darkness again. His thoughts went to Koichi for a moment. He tried to feel happy for his partner, but he simply couldn’t find it in him. He also very irrationally loathed the girl Koichi was dating, even though he was pretty sure that Erika was a nice enough girl. He jumped, startled, when his phone started ringing. With a frown he set down his can of beer and grabbed for the item. His frown deepened as he saw the number calling him.
“Hey, Koichi,” he spoke as he picked up, “what’s up?”
There was silence at the other end. Tsuyoshi already started to think that the phone had somehow dialed his number without Koichi even noticing it, when finally he heard a silent voice.
“Hi, Tsuyoshi.”
Tsuyoshi held his breath. Koichi sounded broken.
“Ah,” Koichi continued, trying to sound vivid, but failing miserably, “I was wondering… if you’d still be up for dinner?”
Tsuyoshi didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he thought it wouldn’t be wise to push.
“Ah…”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have called,” Koichi apologized. “Just… you said you were free tonight and wanted to eat together, so…”
“What about the dinner you had planned?” Tsuyoshi asked before he could chicken out again. He supposed the question was vague enough to leave Koichi a way to escape.
“Didn’t exactly go as planned,” the other merely answered.
“I see,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Well, I’m kind of already settled in here now,” he mused.
“Oh, okay,” Koichi blurted out. “Well, then, have a nice…”
“You can drop by, though,” Tsuyoshi suggested. He cursed himself for saying it, but his urge to comfort his friend was stronger than his reluctance. “If you feel like it,” he added when no answer came for several long seconds.
“Well,” Koichi finally mumbled, “if you don’t mind…”
“Not at all,” Tsuyoshi assured him, although his insides already started to twist.
“Okay, then,” Koichi accepted, sounding a bit more vivid and that alone was worth anything, Tsuyoshi decided. “I’ll be over in about half an hour. Anything I should bring?” Koichi asked.
Tsuyoshi thought about that for a second. “Well… I’m running out of beer, so if you’d fancy a drink…”
“Gotcha,” Koichi answered immediately. “Right, see you in a few.”
It was more than an hour later that Tsuyoshi finally heard his door bell ringing.
“Where were you, dammit?” he scolded once he opened the door for Koichi to get it.
“Sorry,” Koichi grinned helplessly. “Got lost along the way. I haven’t exactly been here too often.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, come on in,” he offered opening the door for Koichi to step in.
It turned out to be a long night. First Koichi told Tsuyoshi all about his dinner with Erika, how she had told him that she was looking for something different and, while not being mean or cruel, had actually left him right there to deal with his feelings. They drank together and some time into it Koichi too grabbed for the cigarettes. They stayed up like that until the early morning hours, talking about this and that, Koichi going from depressed to determined to booze-cheerful to booze-depressed to insomnia euphoric until at some point they both got so tired they fell asleep right on the living room floor.
*end flashback*
Koichi had often remembered that night, gone through several scenes, replayed some of their conversation. So many things had happened that night. He’d learned how a broken heart felt. He’d learned that Chinese food and alcohol wasn’t exactly a good mix. He’d learned a number of more things too. But most of all one impression was burnt into his memory. He had learned something about his partner that night. Something he rather would not have known, but that had been unmistakably clear as he had felt soft lips pressing against his own unmoving pair. He had not moved, pretending to be asleep as Tsuyoshi must have had thought. It had lasted only for a few seconds, but that single move changed everything. Tsuyoshi was in love with him…
Even so Koichi had found himself at his partner’s door step repeatedly, always with the same issue on his mind – heartache. He knew that it was a cruel ritual, but he couldn’t help thinking that in some weird way Tsuyoshi too found some kind of ease in their meetings. Which brought him back to the current situation in which he flung himself on his “misery spot” on Tsuyoshi’s sofa waiting for the other to follow.
“No beer tonight?” Tsuyoshi asked curiously.
“Ah, I brought you a pack last time we… met,” Koichi retorted.
Tsuyoshi laughed slightly at that. “Ah, so tonight’s on me?” he joked, playfully grabbing at Koichi’s hair as he went by.
“You bet it is,” Koichi answered. He pouted slightly, but did nothing to stop the fingers that were still playing with his hair.
“Okay, then, I’ll go and raid the fridge,” Tsuyoshi announced, leaving the room.
Koichi chuckled lightly. It was strange, just being in that place always made him feel better already. He wondered whether it was the familiar smell, or maybe the memories that came to his mind, even though the majority of them wasn’t exactly pleasant, or actually Tsuyoshi. His presence was kinda calming. Koichi’s musing was interrupted when Tsuyoshi came back in with two bottles of beer in hand. Koichi frowned as he saw that Tsuyoshi’s other hand was holding something too, a smaller item. Once he recognized what it was he burst out laughing.
“Cigarettes?” he heaved out. “Wait, when was the last pair we had?”
“A good five years ago,” Tsuyoshi answered evenly, throwing the package back into the kitchen as it was seemingly not wanted.. “Just… you look particularly miserable. And I know you were serious about her.”
Koichi’s mood changed immediately, his face falling, showing a sad expression.
“Not that serious,” he mumbled.
Tsuyoshi sighed, handing Koichi his beer. “What’s that?” he asked. “If you don’t want to talk honestly, why do you even show up here?” Koichi merely blinked at him. “I saw your application,” Tsuyoshi explained. “Approval for marriage. You handed it in several weeks ago.”
Koichi stiffened visibly at that. “That… I was just thinking… it takes forever anyway, so… I thought it would be good to just…”
“Let them know you’re thinking about it,” Tsuyoshi finished the sentence. “It’s okay,” he assured his partner, giving him a sympathetic smile.
“It’s so stupid,” Koichi cursed.
“It’s not stupid,” Tsuyoshi opposed, taking his own seat next to Koichi.
He felt a sick kind of anticipation to have Koichi’s body close to his own, even though he knew that it would be shaking with sobs of his broken heart. In a way it felt like sharing a pain they both felt, if for different people.
“I’m stupid,” Koichi continued. “As if anyone would consider a serious relationship while I’m still part of this mess of a business.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled lightly. With only a light tug of his hand Koichi willingly settled into his arms, letting himself be petted lovingly.
“You love the business, though,” he whispered to his partner’s ear.
“I love the stage,” Koichi corrected him. “The business sucks.”
“I see,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “But still, anyone who has true feelings for you will put up with the odds. If she can’t handle it then she just wasn’t the one.”
“Oh, come on,” Koichi rolled his eyes, “that’s bull’s crap. If maybe I had some other… good qualities, maybe a girl would find true appeal in me.” He started to sob. “But I’m just a nerdy Johnny and I don’t even want to change anything about myself.”
“Oh Koichi…”
Tsuyoshi’s arms around him tightened as he tried to blink away the tears that formed in his eyes. It was so not fair. Why was it? Why couldn’t two people simply find each other in love? Without the pain, without the doubts, without discrimination and without compromises. He knew it couldn’t happen but in that moment he thought it was so unfair. He wanted to scream at Koichi, throw at him all the love that he held for him, just to make him see that ,yes, there was someone who loved him just the way he was, with all the odds and all the flaws.
“There’s nothing that needs changing. You are wonderful,” he whispered out. It was the only thing to say that felt safe enough.
Koichi snorted slightly. “Mushy,” he complained.
Tsuyoshi chuckled at that, stroking the other’s hair. He was feeling quite lost. He was used to consoling Koichi when he was feeling down like that. The lack of self-confidence was new, though. Koichi had never before voiced doubts about his own person after a break-up. It made him loath the woman who made Koichi feel like that and Tsuyoshi latched right onto that. Rage was something he could use to distract himself from his own pain. He kept soothing his partner with his hands and voice, trying to ease the pain as best he could.
Koichi, at the same time, felt like a jerk. He knew what he was doing to Tsuyoshi and yet he could not bring himself to pull away, let alone leave. He exploited to the last extend anything he was allowed. It was cruel, but then, he thought maybe he actually wanted to pull Tsuyoshi into his world of pain. Like sharing the feeling…
“Could you love me?”
The world seemed to stop. Only a few seconds after he had blurted the words out Koichi understood what he had just suggested. He felt the hand in his hair stopping. Tsuyoshi seemed to even hold his breath. Koichi cursed inwardly. Why did he have to say something so stupid? What if Tsuyoshi felt scared over such a statement? In his panic he went for back-pedaling.
“I mean,” Koichi stuttered, pulling back enough to look into the other’s eyes, noticing that they were slightly wet, “I mean, if you were a girl. And… and not in the entertainment world. And meet me by chance. And…” he bit his lip. “Would you…?”
“Oh god, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi moaned out.
Why was fate so cruel to him? He couldn’t take it for another second. And it didn’t matter anymore. If Koichi was fully broken, maybe it was only fair to follow him. Maybe that was his punishment for selfishly stealing all the little pleasures of body contact from his partner while he was feeling miserable. Maybe it was time for it to end.
“Koichi, I…” he sobbed out. “You have no idea. I love you so much. I love you so much it fucking hurts. But even that is something I cherish. I want to slap that stupid bitch for not seeing how wonderful you are. For not understanding the fantastic paradox that is you. For making you feel that it’s your fault. No matter what she said, Koichi, it’s not your fault. Because I love you. With all my heart and soul. I love the bitchy, nerdy you. And I wouldn’t want to change a thing about you.”
Koichi listened to the entire confession, part in wonder, part in shock. He couldn’t believe Tsuyoshi had actually come out to him like that. He didn’t understand it. Why, after so many years? He’d held it all in for such a long time. Why did he throw all these things at him in a situation like that?
“Why…?” Koichi frowned as he mumbled the word.
At the same time Tsuyoshi’s words worked a strange kind of magic. They eased the pain in his chest. He had never gotten a confession like that. He’d had girls telling him that they loved him, but not like this. And it was true. Tsuyoshi knew him inside out, every tiny little thing. They had shared many situations that could be considered domestic and there Tsuyoshi was, declaring his undying love for him. At the same time he thought it was totally unfair. Why couldn’t he have it? There was someone who loved him like that and after hearing it out loud he wanted it even more. Just that feeling. For him. Just once. Just that one time…
Before he could even finish his thought – or maybe his thoughts were interrupted? – he felt something that was strangely familiar, even though he hadn’t felt it in a very long time. Warm lips against his were nipping playfully, trying to coax a response. Fireworks exploded in Koichi’s head, setting off an alarm. That was the line. He knew it. If it didn’t stop in that very moment they were headed right for the abyss. However, as it was he couldn’t imagine a hole deeper and darker as the one he was already sitting in. And Tsuyoshi seemed like a ray of sunlight. Just for a moment he thought what it would mean for him if the world ended after their lips parted and even though it was irrational, because, naturally, the world wouldn’t end with their kiss, he only found that if it were the case he would rather die having kissed those lips, the lips of the one person that loved him. Him. Koichi. And so he headed for the abyss, ready to jump off the cliff by himself.
He started to return the kiss, meeting happy surprise as they indulged in the intimate moment. All doubts, all questions, logics, physical laws, everything was simply gone. Maybe the world would end, after all, with just a kiss. Koichi felt a hand fumbling with his shirt and suddenly thought that it would actually be better that way. They would share a perfect moment together. It would be a wonderful last experience. One last thought was rushing through his head…
It’s going to ruin everything.
…before that too was squashed.
_______________________________________________________________________
Their first night together was exciting, inexperienced, awkward in several places, but satisfying all the way. Koichi never would have thought he would enjoy sharing like that, but he found that they were both pretty cool about it afterwards, agreeing that they didn’t have to rush into anything they didn’t even have a name for. Koichi was more than relieved when Tsuyoshi assured him that he didn’t have to worry about any commitments. His conscience had been nagging at him, but seeing how Tsuyoshi was happy enough with a loose one-night thing, he felt more at ease.
_________________________________________________________________________
Soon enough everything went pretty much back to normal. They worked together basically, sometimes they would meet for a snack after work and Tsuyoshi kept pampering Koichi as bad as before.
“There you go,” Tsuyoshi offered casually.
Koichi blinked at the bag handed at him, putting down his notes. “What’s that?”
“Your lunch,” Tsuyoshi told him. “Curry rice with chicken. Eat up.”
“I just had a sandwich,” Koichi explained.
“Just. Eat. It.”
Koichi gave a sigh, but accepted the bag. “Thank you,” he chirped.
“And no feeding the dog with it,” Tsuyoshi frowned.
At that Koichi sighed again. “Look, I’m eating according to my plan. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” Tsuyoshi argued. “They’re starving you.”
“I don’t need much,” Koichi shrugged.
“The fuck you don’t,” the other burst out.
“Look,” Koichi bit back at him, getting up from his seat. “I have to meet the requirements. If I don’t, they’ll cut my salary. And my index has gone up lately. The manager already talked to me about it.”
Tsuyoshi’s eyes narrowed. “They sent someone to actually freak you out about it? Fucking weirdos.”
“It’s the market,” Koichi shrugged. “As I said, have to meet the requirements. If I want to sell, I have to be just the way the industry wants me.”
“So much pressure,” Tsuyoshi muttered, shaking his head.
“It’s not a bad thing to stay in shape, you know,” Koichi frowned.
At that Tsuyoshi stared. “You don’t… You don’t really think that you need improvement, do you? Don’t tell me they got to you.”
“I keep up with the news,” Koichi threw at him. “They’re everywhere, young idols, aiming for the top. They’re hot, firm butts, witty attitude and quite the notch younger than myself. If I don’t keep up… I disappear. And I’m not ready for that.”
“Koichi,” Tsuyoshi breathed out, approaching him slowly. “I can’t believe they made you feel that way. You are… in no such need,” he told his partner.
“Thanks,” Koichi smiled at him. “You’re always… somehow… sweet like that.”
Tsuyoshi just shook his head. “It’s not me. I mean, obviously…” he blushed, “I think you’re hot. But that’s beside the point. Trust me, I’m not the only person worried for your health rather than about your weight. You don’t have to keep up. You’re way ahead of them all.”
Koichi bit his lip. “I… thank you.”
Finally satisfied Tsuyoshi nodded at him, flashing a bright smile. “Anything, anytime.”
“You…” Koichi dragged out warily. “You think I’m hot?”
Tsuyoshi smiled at the soft blush gracing his partner’s cheeks. “Of course,” he answered readily. “You know I do.”
“How?” Koichi asked with a frown.
The other merely chuckled. “Since you’re not convinced,” he tried carefully, but with intent, “maybe I have to show you again?”
Koichi couldn’t believe that was happening. His stomach was doing backflips with eager anticipation. He was actually happy that Tsuyoshi latched on so quickly. What was more, he had opened the door for Tsuyoshi. So, obviously, somehow he was asking for it. It was weird, but it was just too tempting. Tsuyoshi, worshipping his body with his words and he couldn’t help wanting more. More than words. And sure enough he felt warm breath against his lips and he absolutely wouldn’t fight. On the contrary, he was already thinking of all the things he wanted to do with those tempting lips.
“Mh,” he hummed out, “I’m the kinesthetic learning type. Physical experience… is what I keep best.”
Tsuyoshi grinned against his lips. “Is it?”
Next Koichi felt the other’s plush warm lips against his own. He sighed happily. Just what he was longing for. His arms went around Tsuyoshi’s neck pulling him close. It was comforting to be so close and Tsuyoshi did not disappoint him. The slightly younger man worshipped every inch of his body, making it sing and vibrate with an entirely new song of which he secretly thought that he would like to perform it with Tsuyoshi many more times.
__________________________________________________________________________
Their second time together was full of curiosity, vague caresses, for they dared not venture too boldly, and hot wet kisses that made Koichi lose his mind.
____________________________________________________________________________
“What?!”
“Woah,” Tsuyoshi almost shrieked out at the harsh voice in his ear.
He held the phone away from his ear to ease the pain. Only when he felt like it was safe he held the item back to his ear again.
“Ah, Koichi, I was wondering if…”
“Make it quick,” Koichi kept yelling, “I’m in the middle of battle.”
Tsuyoshi blinked. “What?!” Then he rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re playing that stupid game again.”
“It’s not stupid,” Koichi told him, “and I play whenever the fuck I want. Now, why did you interrupt me?”
“Ah, I was wondering,” Tsuyoshi muttered. “Tsubasa-kun called me. He said he’s got some extra tickets for his show and… well, do we want to go?”
Koichi rolled his eyes. “Do we? Honestly, it’s bad enough that I have to visit all the agency’s shows.”
“Aw,” Tsuyoshi crooned, “but you love the stage, remember?”
“Yeah,” Koichi shot back, “standing on the stage – you stupid crack-shit whore!!!”
Tsuyoshi frowned. “What?”
“Nah, not you,” Koichi explained, “the stupid crack-shit whore that just took all of my items. Look, I have to finish.”
“So, are we going?” Tsuyoshi asked again.
“Oh, yeah, whatever,” Koichi quickly retorted.
“Cool,” Tsuyoshi chirped out. “So, we’re meeting at the venue. Tsubasa will get us through the artist’s entrance. Be there half past six, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Koichi muttered absentmindedly. “See you there.” With that he hung up and flung his phone back onto the floor. “Okay and now you’re dying, bitch.”
It was ten minutes to six when Koichi arrived at the venue.
“Where on earth have you been?” Tsuyoshi hissed at him.
“Sorry,” Koichi hissed out. “I… I kind of… ah, the traffic?” he tried. When Tsuyoshi merely gave him a pointed look he sighed. “Okay, I kind of lost track of time. Sorry. But I’m here, aren’t I? And I got my level up.”
“Yeah, well,” Tsuyoshi groaned out. “Fine then, let’s get inside. We still have to go backstage and say hi to everybody.”
“Right,” Koichi nodded with a sigh. “Why did we come again?”
“Because Tsubasa-kun so kindly invited us,” Tsuyoshi sing-songed as he set out towards the door to the backstage area.
“Right,” Koichi muttered again.
“Koichi, if you’re going to be in this kind of mood, better get back home,” the other told him.
“No way,” Koichi decided. “Now that I’m here I want to see the whole thing.”
“Well, let’s go then.”
And so they did the full program. Short tour around the area, meeting the crew and wishing them luck, finding their seats together, watching the show, which was really impressive, and going for a drink with everybody afterwards. It was already in the early morning hours when the two of them decided to share a taxi and get home.
“Uhn,” Koichi sighed out, “I think I’m drunk.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled in the seat next to him. “What a rare sight.”
“Shut up,” Koichi groaned out. “You’re drunk too.”
“I am,” Tsuyoshi agreed with a nod. Then he laughed again. “It’s quite an enticing sight,” he crooned, crawling closer to Koichi. “You look cute like this. All flustered and flushed up…”
“Tsuyoshi, stop it,” Koichi hissed. “We’re out in public…” He chuckled silently when he felt venturing lips against his neck. “Mh, naughty,” he breathed into Tsuyoshi’s ear.
“You have no idea,” Tsuyoshi mumbled back.
“Tsuyoshi?”
“Hm?”
“I think I… don’t have any more money with me,” Koichi admitted, biting his lip. “Mh, do you think I could crash at your place?”
“Sure,” Tsuyoshi grinned.
____________________________________________________________________________
Their fifteenth night together was a bit helpless, clumsy and gave neither of them actual release, but it didn’t really matter. In their clouded minds they were happy to simply be together.
____________________________________________________________________________
“So,” Nagase dragged out. “Is this serious now?”
“What do you mean?” Koichi blinked.
He quickly grabbed for Tsuyoshi’s ass to pinch it lightly as a payback from when Tsuyoshi had gotten him in the line of the cafeteria earlier, but missed it. Tsuyoshi grinned over his shoulder, sticking out his tongue at Koichi before he left for studio work.
“Well,” Nagase explained, his eyes following Tsuyoshi for a moment before focusing back on Koichi, “you and Tsuyoshi.”
At that Koichi frowned. “What do you mean serious?”
“Oh come on,” his friend pressed the point, “you know what I’m talking about. I mean you and Tsuyoshi, you’ve been dating for months now.”
Koichi laughed out at that. “Don’t be stupid. We’re not dating. It’s just… well, it’s nothing much.”
“But it seems to work well enough,” Nagase winked at him.
Koichi groaned. “Oh god, why did I even tell you about it?”
“Because you can’t hide well,” the other shrugged.
Koichi pouted, but let it go. “At any rate, we’re not dating. It’s just… you know, an occasional thing.”
“Ah,” Nagase nodded in understanding, “so you’re exploiting Tsuyoshi’s feelings for you whenever you feel like a little action.”
Koichi’s face paled. He had shoved the guilt far away and hadn’t felt it in a long time, but it was still there, welling up at the larger man’s words. He knew that Tsuyoshi felt more for him and he knew it wasn’t right to just turn to him whenever he felt like it. Even so he simply glared at his friend.
“Oh, what do you know?” Koichi bit at him. “Besides, it’s not like Tsuyoshi’s complaining.”
“Why would he?” Nagase asked pointedly. “He gets your attention alright. But really, Koichi, do you honestly want to keep messing around like that?”
“I’m not messing around,” Koichi denied.
“Oh, then what are you doing?” Nagase dared him.
“I’m… sharing,” Koichi decided. “I’m sharing with my partner.”
“Oh, call it whatever you want,” Nagase waved him off. “Just make sure you don’t hurt him. He’s such a sweet guy and he really likes you a lot.”
“Yes, mother,” Koichi bit sarcastically. “Come on, now. Let’s finish work quickly. Meet you at the front door later.”
“Sure.”
Koichi spent that evening with his friend. They sat together, chatted and enjoyed a few video games. It wasn’t too late when they ended their session, though. Nagase had to catch up one some much-needed sleep. So instead of going home Koichi decided on another track. A good fifteen minutes later he grinned at Tsuyoshi, holding a six pack in front of his face.
“Koichi,” Tsuyoshi blinked, surprised. “Ah… you’re not broken-hearted, are you?”
“I am,” Koichi told him. “My best friend threw me out.”
Tsuyoshi laughed at that. “I see. Well, do you… want to come in?” he offered.
Koichi nodded eagerly and slid into the by now familiar apartment. The moment the door closed, Koichi basically threw himself at the other.
“Tsuyoshi?” he breathed against wet lips.
“Mh?”
“Make me happy?”
And Tsuyoshi did… make him happy.
___________________________________________________________________________
Their forty-third night together was filled with sighs of pleasure, groping hands and the thumbing sound of the bed banging against the wall.
After they got cleaned up and made to get some sleep Koichi felt an arm snaking around his waist, making him smile. Soft lips nipped at his neck, making it tingle softly in their afterglow.
“Cuddly tonight?” he asked playfully.
“Do you mind?” Tsuyoshi asked.
“No,” Koichi mumbled. “I’m fine.”
“Good.” There was a longer pause, then, “Koichi?”
“Hm?”
“I… I love you.”
Koichi smiled softly. “I know,” he answered, craning his neck to kiss Tsuyoshi’s cheek. “You’re sweet.”
Then he settled back down to sleep. Tsuyoshi sighed, resting his body too, trying to sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________
Tsuyoshi looked up from the magazine he was reading as Koichi walked through the room, stark naked but for the towel on his head.
“Looking for something?” he asked, amused.
“Yeah,” Koichi frowned. “I… didn’t I leave my white v-neck here the other day?”
“You did,” Tsuyoshi told him. “It was a bit greasy, so it went into the laundry. It should be done, though. Check through the fresh towels, maybe I put it there by accident.”
“Oh, okay,” Koichi chirped.
Tsuyoshi bit his lip. It was the perfect opportunity. The best chance he’d ever get. Even though their… arrangement was more than established, he was still wary about approaching Koichi for sex. He couldn’t complain, Koichi kept coming regularly and eagerly, which was more than satisfying. It still felt like there was a kind of restraint on him that kept him from making the first step. That situation was perfect for him, though, and the sight more than inviting. He decided to go for it.
“Although,” he mused, getting up from his seat, “you look quite appealing like this.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Koichi shook his head, retreating from the other. “I offered before. I said you could go into the shower with me. Now I’m nice and clean and you’re not going to get me dirty again.”
“Mhm,” Tsuyoshi agreed with a grin, “all nice and clean and tasty.”
Koichi laughed at that. “What, you want to eat me?”
“I will,” the other offered, pulling up his brows, “if I get the rest too.”
“What’s this?” Koichi asked playfully, finally letting himself be pulled against the other’s body. “Horny Tsuyoshi is a rare thing. Comes on nicely, though,” he grinned.
“What is that shampoo?” Tsuyoshi asked, nuzzling into Koichi’s towel-wet hair. “Raspberry?”
“With lilies,” Koichi added.
“Ah,” Tsuyoshi nodded, but he was already losing himself in his partner’s scent, his still slightly wet skin, the warmth of his body. “God, you’re hot,” he whispered against his shoulder before kissing it.
Koichi smiled. “No getting dirty,” he reminded.
“How about this,” Tsuyoshi offered. “Now I get you dirty and afterwards I’ll clean you again.”
“Will you do my hair?” Koichi asked.
“Anything,” Tsuyoshi assured him.
“Well, then…”
___________________________________________________________________________
Their two-hundred-and-sixty-seventh night was full of affectionate caresses, sensual kisses and slow love-making. Close to perfect.
___________________________________________________________________________
Koichi cursed loudly. His shoulder hurt like hell.
“It’s not all that bad,” the doctor analyzed.
Koichi thought about telling that guy just how soothing those words were when his body flared in white-hot pain.
“We can handle this right here,” the doctor continued, “but since we don’t have any of your data, you have to call someone to identify you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Koichi ground out. “I’m in pain, dammit.”
“You’ll get some pills,” the doctor told him. “But before we can treat you, we need to verify your data.”
Koichi sighed, but thought it was futile to argue and only prolonging his torment. So he pulled out his phone. Then he bit his lip, wondering whom he should be calling. Tsuyoshi was visiting his family, Nagase on tour and not in town either. Takami… no, not a good idea. He tried Ken-san, but sadly only got the voice mail. Then another thought hit him and even though he was reluctant he then called the one person he knew would definitely come running.
__________________________________________________________________________
“Nice,” Tackey stated evenly. “You blew your most important scene. How long will you be unable to perform the falling down the stairs stunt?
“I didn’t blow it,” Koichi bit at him. “I’ll be doing it again tomorrow, relax.”
“I don’t think so,” the other retorted.
“Well, you can come and watch,” Koichi offered. “God, you’re so annoying.”
“Then why did you call me if I’m so annoying?” Tackey asked rising a brow. Then he frowned. “Come to think of it, why did you really? More importantly, why isn’t Tsuyoshi-kun here?”
Koichi blinked at that. “Why would he be?” he asked.
“Ah, because he’s your lover?” Tackey offered.
“First off, Tsuyoshi’s with his family right now,” Koichi told him. “As for second, he is not my lover.”
At that Tackey stared. “Eh? Did I miss something? You guys were dating for years. What happened?”
Koichi sighed. “Why does everybody think we’re dating? And how come everybody knows we’re… meeting anyway?”
“The agency is one big bulge of gossip, Koichi-kun,” Tackey laughed. “You tell one single guy, it’ll be at Johnny’s office by the end of the week.”
Koichi’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my god, really?”
“Absolutely,” Tackey nodded. “But let’s get back to that thing between you and Tsuyoshi. So you two are still meeting?”
“Well, yes,” the other muttered. He didn’t really feel like talking about it.
“But, you’re saying you’re not lovers and not dating,” Tackey analyzed.
“That’s right,” Koichi nodded. “Why does everybody make it such a big deal? We’re friends and we… grew close. He knows I like girls and he said it’s okay to have this… arrangement.”
“Koichi-kun,” Tackey stated, looking his straight in the eye, “you’re an idiot.”
Koichi glared at him. “Oh, what do you know about it?”
“Later,” Tackey waved him off. “First we’ll get you that treatment,” he decided.
With that Tackey took care of all the paper work and stuff and made sure that Koichi would get treatment as quickly as possible. Once the major things were dealt with and Koichi patched up, Tackey returned to him, sitting on a chair next to the other.
“Okay, they’ll get us back to the agency,” he sighed.
Koichi merely nodded. He bit his lip. “Ano… thank you. For coming.”
“It’s fine,” Tackey assured him. “But really… what kind of person runs through the streets without any kind of papers?”
“I wasn’t running through the streets,” Koichi retorted. “I was only going to rehearsals and straight back again.”
“As you can see, it’s still careless to go like this,” Tackey pointed out.
“Hai, senpai,” Koichi dragged out, sounding annoyed.
Tackey sighed. “You know, you can’t be helped if you won’t listen. And you will keep making crucial mistakes if you keep missing the little things.”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” Koichi frowned.
“Back to your issue with Tsuyoshi…”
“It’s not an issue,” Koichi barked out. “Why won’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because you don’t deserve him,” Tackey yelled at him, “and if I can’t make you see anything else I want you to know at least that.”
Koichi stared at him wide-eyed.
“So,” Tackey pierced him with his look, “you’re saying you’re not dating Tsuyoshi?”
“No, we’re not dating.”
“When was the last time you dated anybody, Koichi?”
At that the other blinked. “Well…”
“And you two aren’t lovers?” Tackey continued sarcastically. “How long have you been sharing one bed with him now? Four years? But I suppose you’ll deny that you’re living together too?”
“We’re not living together,” Koichi insisted, shaking his head. “I… okay, I sleep over at Tsuyoshi’s every so often, but I have my own apartment, if you care to remember.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Tackey nodded. “It’s approved too that you keep it. But Koichi, do you have one single full set of clothes in that apartment that you can change into after taking a shower?”
At that Koichi stared. It felt like all blood was draining from his face as he realized that he indeed did not have such a thing.
“Koichi, no matter what you call it,” Tackey told him, “you’re sleeping with him, you’re not seeing anyone else and you’re living in his apartment. That makes him your lover. You might think it’s not important… but sometimes these little things make all the difference. Just like with your license today. So, stop being an idiot, okay, and just live with it like the rest of us.”
Koichi kept his eyes on Tackey, but he couldn’t say a single word. The reality the other had just forced on him was too shocking. He was really happy when the other finally dropped the subject. They didn’t really talk much after that, but Koichi couldn’t get Tackey’s words out of his head. Once he and Tackey had parted he moved back to… Tsuyoshi’s apartment only to resume his musing. After another good hour he groaned in frustration. Then a thought hit him. He quickly grabbed for his phone and dialed a number.
“Hai, what’s up?” sounded from the other end.
“Tomo, are Tsuyoshi and I a couple?”
Silence on the other end.
Koichi frowned. “Tomo?”
“Are you drunk?” Nagase asked.
“No, dammit, just answer my question,” Koichi growled out. “Are Tsuyoshi and I a couple?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Nagase asked back. “I mean, I’m not there with you, so I’m kind of relying on your word there. You keep saying that…”
“Yeah, forget my word,” Koichi sighed. “Look, what I mean is… how do you define a relationship? You know, a… love relationship. What are the qualities?”
“Well,” the other mused. “Basically you kiss and sleep together. You’re not dating other people and after a while I guess you’ll be living together.”
Koichi took a side-ways glance at Pan lying peacefully in her “second” basket.
“Oh my god,” Koichi gasped out. “I… I’m in a relationship.” He frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Now hold on a second,” Nagase argued. “How am I supposed to tell you that you’re in a relationship?”
“Well, you can take lessons from Tackey-kun,” Koichi offered. “He did a fair job of it.”
“Wow, so… so you’re seeing it now?”
“I guess,” Koichi sighed. “Oh dear, what am I gonna do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m in a gay fucking relationship,” Koichi demanded. “What… when did that happen?”
Nagase laughed at that. “Those are the things that happen along the way.”
“So, everybody knows that I’m in a relationship with Tsuyoshi… but me?”
“Basically.”
“That’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Relax, mate. Now that you realized it, it’ll be fine. If you and Tsuyoshi both know this now, you’ll be alright.”
“Tsuyoshi,” Koichi mumbled. He screwed his eyes shut in despair. “Oh god, I can’t believe I… I kept him at a distance.”
“That guy must love you big time,” Nagase teased, “when he’s still with you despite it all.”
“That much would be true,” Koichi nodded. “Ah, Tomo, thanks for being honest. If it’s okay, I want to go and… get something done.”
“Sure thing, Kou,” Nagase chuckled. “See you around.”
“Yeah, I’ll be in touch.”
“Tell me how your first sex with your lover was.”
“Oh, shut it, asshole.”
____________________________________________________________________________
“I’m home,” Tsuyoshi called out.
“Welcome back,” Koichi called right back.
He rushed into the hallway and hugged his… lover.
“I missed you,” he chirped out, giving the other a quick peck to his lips.
“Okay,” Tsuyoshi dragged out, “that’s... weird. Are you okay, Koichi?”
“I am… Tsuyoshi, I… there’s something I have to tell you.”
“Okay,… what is it?”
“I don’t quite know how to,” Koichi admitted. He looked at the other, feeling a bit helpless. “Can I just…”
For lack of words, he decided he would show the other what he wanted to say. He leaned in, this time for a long sensual kiss that Tsuyoshi soon picked up happily, pulling Koichi into his arms.
“Didn’t you want to say something?” he asked, his lips still touching Koichi’s.
“We can talk later,” Koichi suggested, quickly occupying their lips again.
Tsuyoshi was more than happy with that turn of events. He hadn’t even been sure if he would find Koichi still in his apartment as he came back, but there the other was, not only waiting for him, but obviously already aching for him too. For a second he wished that Koichi would also miss him with his heart, not just his body, but he decided that it wouldn’t help him to be greedy, so he simply enjoyed was Koichi was willing to give him. He sighed in delight as he found practiced fingers roaming over and teasing his skin, making it prickle with excitement.
“I’ve missed you too,” he whispered to Koichi, who kissed his neck in appreciation.
Tsuyoshi’s hands easily found their way under his lover’s clothing, removing it with ease. He couldn’t deny that he too had missed being close to Koichi, their intimate moments in bodily pleasures. By then he knew the body offered to him by heart, every sensitive spot, every hidden secret, every mole, every scar he’d taken from his stupid stunts and he was so in love with it. He showered Koichi with his love, kissing and caressing his body, indulging in every reaction he got from pleasure-filled sighs to shaking fingers digging into his flesh.
Koichi at the same time felt an entirely new experience. Thinking that he did this with the person he truly loved made it all the more intense an experience. Tsuyoshi was so attentive, so keen to pleasure him, it made him love the other even more. And having his feelings on the surface like that he finally couldn’t keep them in anymore. He wanted Tsuyoshi to know what he was feeling, wanted to finally rid him of the pain he still must have been feeling.
“I love you.”
There it was. A whispered confession. It seemed like such a trivial thing. After years of being together, sharing a bed and their lives too, it felt almost ridiculous to say it – but it also felt good. Like it had been weighing on his chest as well and finally he could be at ease. The words worked an instant magic. Tsuyoshi stopped his movements, which certainly did not meet Koichi’s approval, but he let the other pull back to look at him.
“What?” Tsuyoshi asked, frowning.
“I said… I love you,” Koichi repeated. He bit his lip. “Tsuyoshi… I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot, okay? I didn’t want to admit that this thing between us is real. It’s ridiculous, of course, but I just couldn’t…”
“But…” Tsuyoshi shook his head. “Why? Why all of a sudden? You never…”
“I know,” Koichi nodded, an apologetic smile on his face. “Can you forgive me? For making you long for me, thinking that you could not truly have me?”
“You mean it?” the other asked in wonder.
“I most certainly do,” Koichi nodded. “Tsuyoshi, I love you. I have for a while and I’m so sorry I made you wait to hear this for such a long time. And I want to thank you for waiting… and loving me all along the way.”
Tsuyoshi laughed nervously. “I… I’m not sure I can handle this,” he admitted.
“It’s okay,” Koichi assured him. “Take your time. I took four years, after all. So, you’re good on reaction time.”
“I… okay,” Tsuyoshi nodded.
“Mh, Tsuyoshi?”
“Hm?”
“Make love to me now?” Koichi requested, moving his hands over his partner’s body again, reminding him that they’d been in the middle of something.
“Anything you want,” Tsuyoshi assured him.
They engaged in a kiss that had both of them moan. It was like diving into an entirely new world. Even though they’d done it so many times before, if felt so utterly different. They were both feeling worked up, in need of that special feeling. And so they moved on quickly. Koichi offered himself willingly. There were hot fingers on and in him, making him lose his mind. Somehow the world faded out. He just felt the touch he was longing for so bad, heard himself moan and sigh, but the world was one big blur. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing anymore. However, he did recognize the feeling of his lover inside him as they finally became one, moving together as they worked their way towards completion.
Hot breath.
“Oh god, Tsuyoshi…”
Thighs rubbing hips, urging them.
“Yes.”
Foreheads touching.
“Mh, it feels good.”
Wet lips brushing.
“You coming?”
A vague nod.
“Me too…”
The world was completely lost to them as their bodies shared that one moment, muscles straining, breath hitching, moaning, shuddering, cursing, shouting, pounding, pushing towards the edge of white-hot pleasure, trembling and aching until the world faded out completely, blanking out everything but the feeling of their joint bodies in their release as they rode through it together, eyes screwed shut, mouths open, moving ungraciously in mindless bliss – until that feeling faded out too, leaving them a heaving heap of flesh on their bed.
__________________________________________________________________________
“Say it again,” Tsuyoshi demanded playfully.
Koichi chuckled, his fingers delicately teasing his lover’s small.
“I love you,” he confessed again.
“Again.”
“I love you,” the answer came readily.
“You know,” Tsuyoshi mumbled against willingly offered lips, “you shouldn’t have told me. Now I can’t get enough of it and I’ll make you say it a million times.”
“I’ll say it as often and then some,” Koichi promised, kissing the other’s forehead.
“Somehow I still can’t believe it,” Tsuyoshi muttered as he settled against Koichi’s chest.
“Hm?”
“It just feels… unreal,” Tsuyoshi explained. “After such a long time.”
“Want me to say it again?” Koichi asked playfully. “You know, just so you can be sure.”
“It’s fine,” Tsuyoshi snickered.
He gave a quick peck to Koichi’s chest, before settling down for real, drifting off to sleep. Koichi kept holding him in his arms, watching his lover some more, enjoying the feeling of being complete and thinking about the way they’d come and where they would be going.
_____________________________________________________________________________
After their five-hundred-and-seventy-fifth night together Koichi stopped keeping count – because it was fine if it simply kept going on forever.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Nah, no good, I’ve been there before, the Soba is hideous,” Tsuyoshi insisted.
“Mou, Tsuyoshi’s being such a pain,” Nagase complained.
“Hey, stop bad-mouthing my lover,” Koichi demanded.
“Why do you make it so much of a point now?” his friend frowned. “It’s not like you cared before.”
“Exactly,” Koichi nodded. “I’ve got quite some catching up to do.”
“Well, if nothing else,” Tackey grinned, “you’ve got to give Koichi that he is one determined guy.”
“Oh, shut up, you,” Koichi glared at him. “I didn’t even want to take you along, but Tsuyoshi insisted – because you helped me out the other day.”
“Now, now, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi chuckled. “Be nice.”
Koichi grumbled something, but dropped the topic.
“How about Sukiyaki?” Tackey finally suggested. “I know a really good place.”
“Oh, is it your treat?” Nagase asked. “Because not all of us want to afford fancy food like that.”
“Fine,” Tackey sighed, “I’ll treat you. I’m just really hungry, so can we finally decide on something?”
“Sukiyaki’s fine with me,” Koichi shrugged.
“Well, then I had better line in now, before someone will take my head off,” Tsuyoshi decided.
“Finally,” Nagase dragged out. “Okay, let’s go, then.”
As they headed towards the main door, they walked past rehearsal rooms, dressing rooms and studios. Quite a few eyes turned their way, for they were a rarely seen group. Tackey didn’t show any sign of insecurity, though, merely greeting everybody politely.
Suddenly a door was smashed loudly, making all of them turn their heads.
“Yeah well, see if I care,” Kame shouted as he strut off. “I’m outa here.”
Koichi blinked. What…?
Next the door was flung open again, showing an enraged Ryo.
“Yeah well, get lost, then,” he yelled after the other. “And you don’t have to show your face to me again. Asshole!”
The group had stopped at the scene. As Ryo turned around he saw them standing in the hallway and blushed.
“Ah… Takki-kun,” he said awkwardly. “Koichi-kun, Tsuyoshi-san… Nagase-kun.” His face turned a deep shade of red. “I… good to see you.” He bowed slightly. “Ano… sorry,” he muttered and with that quickly clicked the door closed again.
“What… was that?” Koichi blinked.
Tackey chuckled. “Lover’s quarrel,” he explained. “They’ve been dating for a while now.”
“Oh, really?” Koichi’s brows shot up.
“Yes,” Tackey sighed. But don’t talk to either of them about it. They’re both denying it.”
Koichi couldn’t help a chuckle. “Stupid,” he grinned.
“Do you think you’re someone to judge that?” the other grinned back.
“I am, definitely,” Koichi nodded. “Stupid me.” With that he gave a quick peck to his lover’s cheek. “Come on, now, let’s let going, I’m hungry too.”
“Ought to follow the Prince’s orders, ne?” Tackey teased.
“You’d better,” Koichi agreed and set out again, getting their group into movement once more.
“Say, Tsuyoshi,” Tackey addressed the younger of the pair, “is he demanding like that in bed too?”
“Oi,” Koichi complained, blushing. “What do you think you’re asking?”
“What – scared of the answer?” the other grinned.
“No,” Koichi scoffed. His pout was almost unbearably cute. “It’s just none of your business what we do in bed.”
“Hm…” Tackey mused, “or maybe you suck and you don’t want anyone to know.”
“That’s not it,” Koichi shot out, his face beet red.
“You’re not the one who is supposed to answer that, though,” the other pointed out. “Tsuyoshi-kun?”
Tsuyoshi merely shook his head. “I’m enjoying my love-life privately, thank you. But if I’m to choose, I’d rather have a demanding lover than someone, who merely lets me do all the work.”
“Oh, there’s a piece,” Tackey cheered.
“Yeah, one that I wouldn’t have needed, thank you very much,” Nagase groaned.
“Enough of this now,” Koichi demanded.
“Seconded,” Tsuyoshi nodded. “Oh and Takki-kun, could you please finally explain to Koichi that you actually really like him and that your stupid teasing is merely a way to get his attention? He doesn’t really understand subtle hints, so he simply doesn’t get it. We’ll be much more at ease if this is finally solved too.”
Tackey blushed slightly at that. “That… Tsuyoshi-kun, really, you’re embarrassing me.”
“Just as you embarrassed my lover just now,” Tsuyoshi merely shrugged back. “It’s not a bad thing to like Koichi, you know. And I think he will appreciate it, if only he’ll finally understand it.”
“There’s no way he wouldn’t know,” Tackey demanded. He eyed Koichi next to him. “You… what do you think why I keep approaching you?”
“I don’t know,” Koichi shrugged. “To annoy the shit out of me?” he suggested.
“Why would I do that?” the other asked, shaking his head. “I mean, think about it. If I simply didn’t care for you, wouldn’t it be so much easier to simply ignore you for the main part?”
Koichi blinked at that. He inspected Tackey doubtfully. “So… what are you saying?”
“Tackey sighed. “I’m saying that I do indeed like you and I wish we would be closer. You’re a cool guy and I learned a lot about stage play watching you. Just… somehow I don’t know how to approach you. Plus, you don’t like me, so…”
“I don’t like anyone,” Koichi shrugged.
The statement had both Nagase and Tsuyoshi laugh.
Tackey merely blinked, though. “Eh?”
“Somehow I just… I’m wary of people,” Koichi shrugged. “So, I don’t like anybody upon seeing them.”
“Agreed,” Nagase threw in.
“That’s why I keep saying he’s having such difficulties making friends,” Tsuyoshi explained. “And he can’t talk well either – well, but about the stuff he enjoys. But that reduces topics to Pan, F1 and science.”
“I do like other things,” Koichi pointe out with a wink. Then he shifted his attention back to Tackey. “So, what you mean to say is that you actually… wanted to become friends?”
“I guess I’m not really good with that either, huh?” Tackey chuckled. “It just felt like you were always particularly cold towards me. Like, you talk easily with Nagase and Tsuyoshi.”
“Not for a first time,” Nagase growled. “Stupid kid almost broke my nose.”
“I said I was sorry,” Koichi pouted, blushing.
“It’s okay,” the other grinned.
“You’re always nice to Ryo,” Tackey kept musing.
“Oh, that…” Koichi bit his lip. “I don’t know how to say it. Since he acted in my play… I don’t know, somehow I felt like I had to watch out for him.”
“So… you’re saying you’re not particularly biting at me?” Tackey asked.
“Of course not,” Koichi shook his head. “It’s not like I dislike you, I just don’t like you.”
“I see,” Tackey laughed. “Well… maybe we can do something about that?” he suggested with a smile.
“Depends,” Koichi mused.
“On what?”
“Do you mind a nerd’s enthusiasm? Because when I get casual with people I tend to force my love of my interests on them. And most of the time people only tell me it’s annoying,” he explained, “but I can’t help being that way. So…”
“We can give it a try,” Tackey suggested. “I’d really like to get to know the casual you.”
“Well, okay then,” Koichi nodded. “There’s a tournament tonight, you can come and watch, if you like.”
Tackey blinked. “Watch?”
“Oh no,” Tsuyoshi moaned out. “I swear, if you make another guy from the agency play that stupid online game, the computer goes right into the basement.”
“Mou, Tsuyoshi…”
______________________________________________________________________________
Finished. :D I hope you all liked it. ^___^
Other Characters: Mainly Nagase and Tackey
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just love them. ^^
Warnings: Language, sex, angsty
One-shot
Notes: I haven't done a KinKi one-shot in forever. So, here it is now. I hope you'll like it. :D
Intro: Koichi turns to Tsuyoshi whenever he feels heart-broken. While the latter is always willingly of help, he has to deal with his own feelings for Koichi. What will happen if there's a spark in a moment of weakness? And how will they deal with it later?
The second Tsuyoshi opened the door many things happened in his head. First, recognition. He knew the person standing outside. He knew the posture the person was in. He knew the items the person was holding. Second, understanding. He combined the elements thrown at him and the situation crashed on him immediately. Third, there’s a big explosion of emotions and impressions – sadness, a sad smile flashing at him, fear, a helpless expression in reddened eyes, sympathy, a silently mumbled apology, reluctance, guilt, wariness, love… back to fear, guilt… He pulled the emergency stop on that train of thought. No matter what he might have thought or felt, he knew the situation could only continue one way.
“Koichi,” he said evenly with a slight nod of his head.
He pushed the door open, offering the other a narrow trace to follow into his apartment.
Koichi merely nodded back, slipping right in. He sighed, shaking his head slightly. Even though, or maybe rather because they’ve been there more than once, he felt somewhere between weak and ridiculous. But then, in a situation like that, he was glad to have some kind of routine he could run. As embarrassing as it was, he knew how to play the game. They knew how to play their game. An awkward, mentally stinging game. One that had its first round so many years ago – by a mere coincidence…
*flashback*
“Na, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi addressed his partner as they changed back into their casual clothes.
“Hm?”
“Wanna go for some dinner tonight?” Tsuyoshi suggested.
Koichi smiled at the other but shook his head. “Thanks, really. It’s a nice idea, though. Let’s do that soon, okay? Tonight I’m going out with Erika.”
“Oh, Tsuyoshi nodded. “Special occasion, or just because?”
“Ah, I’m not sure,” Koichi admitted with a grin. She insisted we meet absolutely tonight, so I checked the calendar. I couldn’t find anything, but I’m guessing that there’s something behind it.”
“Do you suppose…” Tsuyoshi mused, but broke off.
“What?” Koichi asked, blinking.
“Well, maybe she wants to introduce you to her family?” Tsuyoshi shrugged.
At that Koichi’s eyes grew wide, but then he waved the other off. “Nah, we’re not all that serious just yet. Not that I would mind…”
Tsuyoshi snickered at that. “Yeah, you’re traditional when it comes to these things.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” Koichi shrugged. “Well, I’ll know what it is in about an hour. See you tomorrow.”
“Sure, tomorrow,” Tsuyoshi agreed, waving after Koichi.
With a sigh he finished dressing himself. His lips were pressed together as he tried to suppress upwelling emotions. Emotions that he knew were no good and simply would keep him up all night for no reason. Not that he could really actually help it. He’d been infatuated with Koichi ever since they had spent their first night in a hotel room together. Sharing a big matt on the floor, Koichi had been cuddled up against him, making them feel warm together. Tsuyoshi could still feel Koichi’s soft hair against his cheek, his comforting smell engulfing him and his slightly cold fingers brushing his small slightly…. and he was lost to his memories. His stomach started fluttering, as though Koichi were still lying in his arms.
He tried to shake off the feelings, but it was to no avail. He knew how his evening would go and so a good hour later he was sitting at home, a can of beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, the TV running with some stupid game show, but he didn’t really look at it. He just needed the noise to distract himself. Silence was like a haunting demon, that held his fear, his agony and his tears and he refused to be consumed by darkness again. His thoughts went to Koichi for a moment. He tried to feel happy for his partner, but he simply couldn’t find it in him. He also very irrationally loathed the girl Koichi was dating, even though he was pretty sure that Erika was a nice enough girl. He jumped, startled, when his phone started ringing. With a frown he set down his can of beer and grabbed for the item. His frown deepened as he saw the number calling him.
“Hey, Koichi,” he spoke as he picked up, “what’s up?”
There was silence at the other end. Tsuyoshi already started to think that the phone had somehow dialed his number without Koichi even noticing it, when finally he heard a silent voice.
“Hi, Tsuyoshi.”
Tsuyoshi held his breath. Koichi sounded broken.
“Ah,” Koichi continued, trying to sound vivid, but failing miserably, “I was wondering… if you’d still be up for dinner?”
Tsuyoshi didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he thought it wouldn’t be wise to push.
“Ah…”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have called,” Koichi apologized. “Just… you said you were free tonight and wanted to eat together, so…”
“What about the dinner you had planned?” Tsuyoshi asked before he could chicken out again. He supposed the question was vague enough to leave Koichi a way to escape.
“Didn’t exactly go as planned,” the other merely answered.
“I see,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Well, I’m kind of already settled in here now,” he mused.
“Oh, okay,” Koichi blurted out. “Well, then, have a nice…”
“You can drop by, though,” Tsuyoshi suggested. He cursed himself for saying it, but his urge to comfort his friend was stronger than his reluctance. “If you feel like it,” he added when no answer came for several long seconds.
“Well,” Koichi finally mumbled, “if you don’t mind…”
“Not at all,” Tsuyoshi assured him, although his insides already started to twist.
“Okay, then,” Koichi accepted, sounding a bit more vivid and that alone was worth anything, Tsuyoshi decided. “I’ll be over in about half an hour. Anything I should bring?” Koichi asked.
Tsuyoshi thought about that for a second. “Well… I’m running out of beer, so if you’d fancy a drink…”
“Gotcha,” Koichi answered immediately. “Right, see you in a few.”
It was more than an hour later that Tsuyoshi finally heard his door bell ringing.
“Where were you, dammit?” he scolded once he opened the door for Koichi to get it.
“Sorry,” Koichi grinned helplessly. “Got lost along the way. I haven’t exactly been here too often.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, come on in,” he offered opening the door for Koichi to step in.
It turned out to be a long night. First Koichi told Tsuyoshi all about his dinner with Erika, how she had told him that she was looking for something different and, while not being mean or cruel, had actually left him right there to deal with his feelings. They drank together and some time into it Koichi too grabbed for the cigarettes. They stayed up like that until the early morning hours, talking about this and that, Koichi going from depressed to determined to booze-cheerful to booze-depressed to insomnia euphoric until at some point they both got so tired they fell asleep right on the living room floor.
*end flashback*
Koichi had often remembered that night, gone through several scenes, replayed some of their conversation. So many things had happened that night. He’d learned how a broken heart felt. He’d learned that Chinese food and alcohol wasn’t exactly a good mix. He’d learned a number of more things too. But most of all one impression was burnt into his memory. He had learned something about his partner that night. Something he rather would not have known, but that had been unmistakably clear as he had felt soft lips pressing against his own unmoving pair. He had not moved, pretending to be asleep as Tsuyoshi must have had thought. It had lasted only for a few seconds, but that single move changed everything. Tsuyoshi was in love with him…
Even so Koichi had found himself at his partner’s door step repeatedly, always with the same issue on his mind – heartache. He knew that it was a cruel ritual, but he couldn’t help thinking that in some weird way Tsuyoshi too found some kind of ease in their meetings. Which brought him back to the current situation in which he flung himself on his “misery spot” on Tsuyoshi’s sofa waiting for the other to follow.
“No beer tonight?” Tsuyoshi asked curiously.
“Ah, I brought you a pack last time we… met,” Koichi retorted.
Tsuyoshi laughed slightly at that. “Ah, so tonight’s on me?” he joked, playfully grabbing at Koichi’s hair as he went by.
“You bet it is,” Koichi answered. He pouted slightly, but did nothing to stop the fingers that were still playing with his hair.
“Okay, then, I’ll go and raid the fridge,” Tsuyoshi announced, leaving the room.
Koichi chuckled lightly. It was strange, just being in that place always made him feel better already. He wondered whether it was the familiar smell, or maybe the memories that came to his mind, even though the majority of them wasn’t exactly pleasant, or actually Tsuyoshi. His presence was kinda calming. Koichi’s musing was interrupted when Tsuyoshi came back in with two bottles of beer in hand. Koichi frowned as he saw that Tsuyoshi’s other hand was holding something too, a smaller item. Once he recognized what it was he burst out laughing.
“Cigarettes?” he heaved out. “Wait, when was the last pair we had?”
“A good five years ago,” Tsuyoshi answered evenly, throwing the package back into the kitchen as it was seemingly not wanted.. “Just… you look particularly miserable. And I know you were serious about her.”
Koichi’s mood changed immediately, his face falling, showing a sad expression.
“Not that serious,” he mumbled.
Tsuyoshi sighed, handing Koichi his beer. “What’s that?” he asked. “If you don’t want to talk honestly, why do you even show up here?” Koichi merely blinked at him. “I saw your application,” Tsuyoshi explained. “Approval for marriage. You handed it in several weeks ago.”
Koichi stiffened visibly at that. “That… I was just thinking… it takes forever anyway, so… I thought it would be good to just…”
“Let them know you’re thinking about it,” Tsuyoshi finished the sentence. “It’s okay,” he assured his partner, giving him a sympathetic smile.
“It’s so stupid,” Koichi cursed.
“It’s not stupid,” Tsuyoshi opposed, taking his own seat next to Koichi.
He felt a sick kind of anticipation to have Koichi’s body close to his own, even though he knew that it would be shaking with sobs of his broken heart. In a way it felt like sharing a pain they both felt, if for different people.
“I’m stupid,” Koichi continued. “As if anyone would consider a serious relationship while I’m still part of this mess of a business.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled lightly. With only a light tug of his hand Koichi willingly settled into his arms, letting himself be petted lovingly.
“You love the business, though,” he whispered to his partner’s ear.
“I love the stage,” Koichi corrected him. “The business sucks.”
“I see,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “But still, anyone who has true feelings for you will put up with the odds. If she can’t handle it then she just wasn’t the one.”
“Oh, come on,” Koichi rolled his eyes, “that’s bull’s crap. If maybe I had some other… good qualities, maybe a girl would find true appeal in me.” He started to sob. “But I’m just a nerdy Johnny and I don’t even want to change anything about myself.”
“Oh Koichi…”
Tsuyoshi’s arms around him tightened as he tried to blink away the tears that formed in his eyes. It was so not fair. Why was it? Why couldn’t two people simply find each other in love? Without the pain, without the doubts, without discrimination and without compromises. He knew it couldn’t happen but in that moment he thought it was so unfair. He wanted to scream at Koichi, throw at him all the love that he held for him, just to make him see that ,yes, there was someone who loved him just the way he was, with all the odds and all the flaws.
“There’s nothing that needs changing. You are wonderful,” he whispered out. It was the only thing to say that felt safe enough.
Koichi snorted slightly. “Mushy,” he complained.
Tsuyoshi chuckled at that, stroking the other’s hair. He was feeling quite lost. He was used to consoling Koichi when he was feeling down like that. The lack of self-confidence was new, though. Koichi had never before voiced doubts about his own person after a break-up. It made him loath the woman who made Koichi feel like that and Tsuyoshi latched right onto that. Rage was something he could use to distract himself from his own pain. He kept soothing his partner with his hands and voice, trying to ease the pain as best he could.
Koichi, at the same time, felt like a jerk. He knew what he was doing to Tsuyoshi and yet he could not bring himself to pull away, let alone leave. He exploited to the last extend anything he was allowed. It was cruel, but then, he thought maybe he actually wanted to pull Tsuyoshi into his world of pain. Like sharing the feeling…
“Could you love me?”
The world seemed to stop. Only a few seconds after he had blurted the words out Koichi understood what he had just suggested. He felt the hand in his hair stopping. Tsuyoshi seemed to even hold his breath. Koichi cursed inwardly. Why did he have to say something so stupid? What if Tsuyoshi felt scared over such a statement? In his panic he went for back-pedaling.
“I mean,” Koichi stuttered, pulling back enough to look into the other’s eyes, noticing that they were slightly wet, “I mean, if you were a girl. And… and not in the entertainment world. And meet me by chance. And…” he bit his lip. “Would you…?”
“Oh god, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi moaned out.
Why was fate so cruel to him? He couldn’t take it for another second. And it didn’t matter anymore. If Koichi was fully broken, maybe it was only fair to follow him. Maybe that was his punishment for selfishly stealing all the little pleasures of body contact from his partner while he was feeling miserable. Maybe it was time for it to end.
“Koichi, I…” he sobbed out. “You have no idea. I love you so much. I love you so much it fucking hurts. But even that is something I cherish. I want to slap that stupid bitch for not seeing how wonderful you are. For not understanding the fantastic paradox that is you. For making you feel that it’s your fault. No matter what she said, Koichi, it’s not your fault. Because I love you. With all my heart and soul. I love the bitchy, nerdy you. And I wouldn’t want to change a thing about you.”
Koichi listened to the entire confession, part in wonder, part in shock. He couldn’t believe Tsuyoshi had actually come out to him like that. He didn’t understand it. Why, after so many years? He’d held it all in for such a long time. Why did he throw all these things at him in a situation like that?
“Why…?” Koichi frowned as he mumbled the word.
At the same time Tsuyoshi’s words worked a strange kind of magic. They eased the pain in his chest. He had never gotten a confession like that. He’d had girls telling him that they loved him, but not like this. And it was true. Tsuyoshi knew him inside out, every tiny little thing. They had shared many situations that could be considered domestic and there Tsuyoshi was, declaring his undying love for him. At the same time he thought it was totally unfair. Why couldn’t he have it? There was someone who loved him like that and after hearing it out loud he wanted it even more. Just that feeling. For him. Just once. Just that one time…
Before he could even finish his thought – or maybe his thoughts were interrupted? – he felt something that was strangely familiar, even though he hadn’t felt it in a very long time. Warm lips against his were nipping playfully, trying to coax a response. Fireworks exploded in Koichi’s head, setting off an alarm. That was the line. He knew it. If it didn’t stop in that very moment they were headed right for the abyss. However, as it was he couldn’t imagine a hole deeper and darker as the one he was already sitting in. And Tsuyoshi seemed like a ray of sunlight. Just for a moment he thought what it would mean for him if the world ended after their lips parted and even though it was irrational, because, naturally, the world wouldn’t end with their kiss, he only found that if it were the case he would rather die having kissed those lips, the lips of the one person that loved him. Him. Koichi. And so he headed for the abyss, ready to jump off the cliff by himself.
He started to return the kiss, meeting happy surprise as they indulged in the intimate moment. All doubts, all questions, logics, physical laws, everything was simply gone. Maybe the world would end, after all, with just a kiss. Koichi felt a hand fumbling with his shirt and suddenly thought that it would actually be better that way. They would share a perfect moment together. It would be a wonderful last experience. One last thought was rushing through his head…
It’s going to ruin everything.
…before that too was squashed.
_______________________________________________________________________
Their first night together was exciting, inexperienced, awkward in several places, but satisfying all the way. Koichi never would have thought he would enjoy sharing like that, but he found that they were both pretty cool about it afterwards, agreeing that they didn’t have to rush into anything they didn’t even have a name for. Koichi was more than relieved when Tsuyoshi assured him that he didn’t have to worry about any commitments. His conscience had been nagging at him, but seeing how Tsuyoshi was happy enough with a loose one-night thing, he felt more at ease.
_________________________________________________________________________
Soon enough everything went pretty much back to normal. They worked together basically, sometimes they would meet for a snack after work and Tsuyoshi kept pampering Koichi as bad as before.
“There you go,” Tsuyoshi offered casually.
Koichi blinked at the bag handed at him, putting down his notes. “What’s that?”
“Your lunch,” Tsuyoshi told him. “Curry rice with chicken. Eat up.”
“I just had a sandwich,” Koichi explained.
“Just. Eat. It.”
Koichi gave a sigh, but accepted the bag. “Thank you,” he chirped.
“And no feeding the dog with it,” Tsuyoshi frowned.
At that Koichi sighed again. “Look, I’m eating according to my plan. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” Tsuyoshi argued. “They’re starving you.”
“I don’t need much,” Koichi shrugged.
“The fuck you don’t,” the other burst out.
“Look,” Koichi bit back at him, getting up from his seat. “I have to meet the requirements. If I don’t, they’ll cut my salary. And my index has gone up lately. The manager already talked to me about it.”
Tsuyoshi’s eyes narrowed. “They sent someone to actually freak you out about it? Fucking weirdos.”
“It’s the market,” Koichi shrugged. “As I said, have to meet the requirements. If I want to sell, I have to be just the way the industry wants me.”
“So much pressure,” Tsuyoshi muttered, shaking his head.
“It’s not a bad thing to stay in shape, you know,” Koichi frowned.
At that Tsuyoshi stared. “You don’t… You don’t really think that you need improvement, do you? Don’t tell me they got to you.”
“I keep up with the news,” Koichi threw at him. “They’re everywhere, young idols, aiming for the top. They’re hot, firm butts, witty attitude and quite the notch younger than myself. If I don’t keep up… I disappear. And I’m not ready for that.”
“Koichi,” Tsuyoshi breathed out, approaching him slowly. “I can’t believe they made you feel that way. You are… in no such need,” he told his partner.
“Thanks,” Koichi smiled at him. “You’re always… somehow… sweet like that.”
Tsuyoshi just shook his head. “It’s not me. I mean, obviously…” he blushed, “I think you’re hot. But that’s beside the point. Trust me, I’m not the only person worried for your health rather than about your weight. You don’t have to keep up. You’re way ahead of them all.”
Koichi bit his lip. “I… thank you.”
Finally satisfied Tsuyoshi nodded at him, flashing a bright smile. “Anything, anytime.”
“You…” Koichi dragged out warily. “You think I’m hot?”
Tsuyoshi smiled at the soft blush gracing his partner’s cheeks. “Of course,” he answered readily. “You know I do.”
“How?” Koichi asked with a frown.
The other merely chuckled. “Since you’re not convinced,” he tried carefully, but with intent, “maybe I have to show you again?”
Koichi couldn’t believe that was happening. His stomach was doing backflips with eager anticipation. He was actually happy that Tsuyoshi latched on so quickly. What was more, he had opened the door for Tsuyoshi. So, obviously, somehow he was asking for it. It was weird, but it was just too tempting. Tsuyoshi, worshipping his body with his words and he couldn’t help wanting more. More than words. And sure enough he felt warm breath against his lips and he absolutely wouldn’t fight. On the contrary, he was already thinking of all the things he wanted to do with those tempting lips.
“Mh,” he hummed out, “I’m the kinesthetic learning type. Physical experience… is what I keep best.”
Tsuyoshi grinned against his lips. “Is it?”
Next Koichi felt the other’s plush warm lips against his own. He sighed happily. Just what he was longing for. His arms went around Tsuyoshi’s neck pulling him close. It was comforting to be so close and Tsuyoshi did not disappoint him. The slightly younger man worshipped every inch of his body, making it sing and vibrate with an entirely new song of which he secretly thought that he would like to perform it with Tsuyoshi many more times.
__________________________________________________________________________
Their second time together was full of curiosity, vague caresses, for they dared not venture too boldly, and hot wet kisses that made Koichi lose his mind.
____________________________________________________________________________
“What?!”
“Woah,” Tsuyoshi almost shrieked out at the harsh voice in his ear.
He held the phone away from his ear to ease the pain. Only when he felt like it was safe he held the item back to his ear again.
“Ah, Koichi, I was wondering if…”
“Make it quick,” Koichi kept yelling, “I’m in the middle of battle.”
Tsuyoshi blinked. “What?!” Then he rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re playing that stupid game again.”
“It’s not stupid,” Koichi told him, “and I play whenever the fuck I want. Now, why did you interrupt me?”
“Ah, I was wondering,” Tsuyoshi muttered. “Tsubasa-kun called me. He said he’s got some extra tickets for his show and… well, do we want to go?”
Koichi rolled his eyes. “Do we? Honestly, it’s bad enough that I have to visit all the agency’s shows.”
“Aw,” Tsuyoshi crooned, “but you love the stage, remember?”
“Yeah,” Koichi shot back, “standing on the stage – you stupid crack-shit whore!!!”
Tsuyoshi frowned. “What?”
“Nah, not you,” Koichi explained, “the stupid crack-shit whore that just took all of my items. Look, I have to finish.”
“So, are we going?” Tsuyoshi asked again.
“Oh, yeah, whatever,” Koichi quickly retorted.
“Cool,” Tsuyoshi chirped out. “So, we’re meeting at the venue. Tsubasa will get us through the artist’s entrance. Be there half past six, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Koichi muttered absentmindedly. “See you there.” With that he hung up and flung his phone back onto the floor. “Okay and now you’re dying, bitch.”
It was ten minutes to six when Koichi arrived at the venue.
“Where on earth have you been?” Tsuyoshi hissed at him.
“Sorry,” Koichi hissed out. “I… I kind of… ah, the traffic?” he tried. When Tsuyoshi merely gave him a pointed look he sighed. “Okay, I kind of lost track of time. Sorry. But I’m here, aren’t I? And I got my level up.”
“Yeah, well,” Tsuyoshi groaned out. “Fine then, let’s get inside. We still have to go backstage and say hi to everybody.”
“Right,” Koichi nodded with a sigh. “Why did we come again?”
“Because Tsubasa-kun so kindly invited us,” Tsuyoshi sing-songed as he set out towards the door to the backstage area.
“Right,” Koichi muttered again.
“Koichi, if you’re going to be in this kind of mood, better get back home,” the other told him.
“No way,” Koichi decided. “Now that I’m here I want to see the whole thing.”
“Well, let’s go then.”
And so they did the full program. Short tour around the area, meeting the crew and wishing them luck, finding their seats together, watching the show, which was really impressive, and going for a drink with everybody afterwards. It was already in the early morning hours when the two of them decided to share a taxi and get home.
“Uhn,” Koichi sighed out, “I think I’m drunk.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled in the seat next to him. “What a rare sight.”
“Shut up,” Koichi groaned out. “You’re drunk too.”
“I am,” Tsuyoshi agreed with a nod. Then he laughed again. “It’s quite an enticing sight,” he crooned, crawling closer to Koichi. “You look cute like this. All flustered and flushed up…”
“Tsuyoshi, stop it,” Koichi hissed. “We’re out in public…” He chuckled silently when he felt venturing lips against his neck. “Mh, naughty,” he breathed into Tsuyoshi’s ear.
“You have no idea,” Tsuyoshi mumbled back.
“Tsuyoshi?”
“Hm?”
“I think I… don’t have any more money with me,” Koichi admitted, biting his lip. “Mh, do you think I could crash at your place?”
“Sure,” Tsuyoshi grinned.
____________________________________________________________________________
Their fifteenth night together was a bit helpless, clumsy and gave neither of them actual release, but it didn’t really matter. In their clouded minds they were happy to simply be together.
____________________________________________________________________________
“So,” Nagase dragged out. “Is this serious now?”
“What do you mean?” Koichi blinked.
He quickly grabbed for Tsuyoshi’s ass to pinch it lightly as a payback from when Tsuyoshi had gotten him in the line of the cafeteria earlier, but missed it. Tsuyoshi grinned over his shoulder, sticking out his tongue at Koichi before he left for studio work.
“Well,” Nagase explained, his eyes following Tsuyoshi for a moment before focusing back on Koichi, “you and Tsuyoshi.”
At that Koichi frowned. “What do you mean serious?”
“Oh come on,” his friend pressed the point, “you know what I’m talking about. I mean you and Tsuyoshi, you’ve been dating for months now.”
Koichi laughed out at that. “Don’t be stupid. We’re not dating. It’s just… well, it’s nothing much.”
“But it seems to work well enough,” Nagase winked at him.
Koichi groaned. “Oh god, why did I even tell you about it?”
“Because you can’t hide well,” the other shrugged.
Koichi pouted, but let it go. “At any rate, we’re not dating. It’s just… you know, an occasional thing.”
“Ah,” Nagase nodded in understanding, “so you’re exploiting Tsuyoshi’s feelings for you whenever you feel like a little action.”
Koichi’s face paled. He had shoved the guilt far away and hadn’t felt it in a long time, but it was still there, welling up at the larger man’s words. He knew that Tsuyoshi felt more for him and he knew it wasn’t right to just turn to him whenever he felt like it. Even so he simply glared at his friend.
“Oh, what do you know?” Koichi bit at him. “Besides, it’s not like Tsuyoshi’s complaining.”
“Why would he?” Nagase asked pointedly. “He gets your attention alright. But really, Koichi, do you honestly want to keep messing around like that?”
“I’m not messing around,” Koichi denied.
“Oh, then what are you doing?” Nagase dared him.
“I’m… sharing,” Koichi decided. “I’m sharing with my partner.”
“Oh, call it whatever you want,” Nagase waved him off. “Just make sure you don’t hurt him. He’s such a sweet guy and he really likes you a lot.”
“Yes, mother,” Koichi bit sarcastically. “Come on, now. Let’s finish work quickly. Meet you at the front door later.”
“Sure.”
Koichi spent that evening with his friend. They sat together, chatted and enjoyed a few video games. It wasn’t too late when they ended their session, though. Nagase had to catch up one some much-needed sleep. So instead of going home Koichi decided on another track. A good fifteen minutes later he grinned at Tsuyoshi, holding a six pack in front of his face.
“Koichi,” Tsuyoshi blinked, surprised. “Ah… you’re not broken-hearted, are you?”
“I am,” Koichi told him. “My best friend threw me out.”
Tsuyoshi laughed at that. “I see. Well, do you… want to come in?” he offered.
Koichi nodded eagerly and slid into the by now familiar apartment. The moment the door closed, Koichi basically threw himself at the other.
“Tsuyoshi?” he breathed against wet lips.
“Mh?”
“Make me happy?”
And Tsuyoshi did… make him happy.
___________________________________________________________________________
Their forty-third night together was filled with sighs of pleasure, groping hands and the thumbing sound of the bed banging against the wall.
After they got cleaned up and made to get some sleep Koichi felt an arm snaking around his waist, making him smile. Soft lips nipped at his neck, making it tingle softly in their afterglow.
“Cuddly tonight?” he asked playfully.
“Do you mind?” Tsuyoshi asked.
“No,” Koichi mumbled. “I’m fine.”
“Good.” There was a longer pause, then, “Koichi?”
“Hm?”
“I… I love you.”
Koichi smiled softly. “I know,” he answered, craning his neck to kiss Tsuyoshi’s cheek. “You’re sweet.”
Then he settled back down to sleep. Tsuyoshi sighed, resting his body too, trying to sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________
Tsuyoshi looked up from the magazine he was reading as Koichi walked through the room, stark naked but for the towel on his head.
“Looking for something?” he asked, amused.
“Yeah,” Koichi frowned. “I… didn’t I leave my white v-neck here the other day?”
“You did,” Tsuyoshi told him. “It was a bit greasy, so it went into the laundry. It should be done, though. Check through the fresh towels, maybe I put it there by accident.”
“Oh, okay,” Koichi chirped.
Tsuyoshi bit his lip. It was the perfect opportunity. The best chance he’d ever get. Even though their… arrangement was more than established, he was still wary about approaching Koichi for sex. He couldn’t complain, Koichi kept coming regularly and eagerly, which was more than satisfying. It still felt like there was a kind of restraint on him that kept him from making the first step. That situation was perfect for him, though, and the sight more than inviting. He decided to go for it.
“Although,” he mused, getting up from his seat, “you look quite appealing like this.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Koichi shook his head, retreating from the other. “I offered before. I said you could go into the shower with me. Now I’m nice and clean and you’re not going to get me dirty again.”
“Mhm,” Tsuyoshi agreed with a grin, “all nice and clean and tasty.”
Koichi laughed at that. “What, you want to eat me?”
“I will,” the other offered, pulling up his brows, “if I get the rest too.”
“What’s this?” Koichi asked playfully, finally letting himself be pulled against the other’s body. “Horny Tsuyoshi is a rare thing. Comes on nicely, though,” he grinned.
“What is that shampoo?” Tsuyoshi asked, nuzzling into Koichi’s towel-wet hair. “Raspberry?”
“With lilies,” Koichi added.
“Ah,” Tsuyoshi nodded, but he was already losing himself in his partner’s scent, his still slightly wet skin, the warmth of his body. “God, you’re hot,” he whispered against his shoulder before kissing it.
Koichi smiled. “No getting dirty,” he reminded.
“How about this,” Tsuyoshi offered. “Now I get you dirty and afterwards I’ll clean you again.”
“Will you do my hair?” Koichi asked.
“Anything,” Tsuyoshi assured him.
“Well, then…”
___________________________________________________________________________
Their two-hundred-and-sixty-seventh night was full of affectionate caresses, sensual kisses and slow love-making. Close to perfect.
___________________________________________________________________________
Koichi cursed loudly. His shoulder hurt like hell.
“It’s not all that bad,” the doctor analyzed.
Koichi thought about telling that guy just how soothing those words were when his body flared in white-hot pain.
“We can handle this right here,” the doctor continued, “but since we don’t have any of your data, you have to call someone to identify you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Koichi ground out. “I’m in pain, dammit.”
“You’ll get some pills,” the doctor told him. “But before we can treat you, we need to verify your data.”
Koichi sighed, but thought it was futile to argue and only prolonging his torment. So he pulled out his phone. Then he bit his lip, wondering whom he should be calling. Tsuyoshi was visiting his family, Nagase on tour and not in town either. Takami… no, not a good idea. He tried Ken-san, but sadly only got the voice mail. Then another thought hit him and even though he was reluctant he then called the one person he knew would definitely come running.
__________________________________________________________________________
“Nice,” Tackey stated evenly. “You blew your most important scene. How long will you be unable to perform the falling down the stairs stunt?
“I didn’t blow it,” Koichi bit at him. “I’ll be doing it again tomorrow, relax.”
“I don’t think so,” the other retorted.
“Well, you can come and watch,” Koichi offered. “God, you’re so annoying.”
“Then why did you call me if I’m so annoying?” Tackey asked rising a brow. Then he frowned. “Come to think of it, why did you really? More importantly, why isn’t Tsuyoshi-kun here?”
Koichi blinked at that. “Why would he be?” he asked.
“Ah, because he’s your lover?” Tackey offered.
“First off, Tsuyoshi’s with his family right now,” Koichi told him. “As for second, he is not my lover.”
At that Tackey stared. “Eh? Did I miss something? You guys were dating for years. What happened?”
Koichi sighed. “Why does everybody think we’re dating? And how come everybody knows we’re… meeting anyway?”
“The agency is one big bulge of gossip, Koichi-kun,” Tackey laughed. “You tell one single guy, it’ll be at Johnny’s office by the end of the week.”
Koichi’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my god, really?”
“Absolutely,” Tackey nodded. “But let’s get back to that thing between you and Tsuyoshi. So you two are still meeting?”
“Well, yes,” the other muttered. He didn’t really feel like talking about it.
“But, you’re saying you’re not lovers and not dating,” Tackey analyzed.
“That’s right,” Koichi nodded. “Why does everybody make it such a big deal? We’re friends and we… grew close. He knows I like girls and he said it’s okay to have this… arrangement.”
“Koichi-kun,” Tackey stated, looking his straight in the eye, “you’re an idiot.”
Koichi glared at him. “Oh, what do you know about it?”
“Later,” Tackey waved him off. “First we’ll get you that treatment,” he decided.
With that Tackey took care of all the paper work and stuff and made sure that Koichi would get treatment as quickly as possible. Once the major things were dealt with and Koichi patched up, Tackey returned to him, sitting on a chair next to the other.
“Okay, they’ll get us back to the agency,” he sighed.
Koichi merely nodded. He bit his lip. “Ano… thank you. For coming.”
“It’s fine,” Tackey assured him. “But really… what kind of person runs through the streets without any kind of papers?”
“I wasn’t running through the streets,” Koichi retorted. “I was only going to rehearsals and straight back again.”
“As you can see, it’s still careless to go like this,” Tackey pointed out.
“Hai, senpai,” Koichi dragged out, sounding annoyed.
Tackey sighed. “You know, you can’t be helped if you won’t listen. And you will keep making crucial mistakes if you keep missing the little things.”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” Koichi frowned.
“Back to your issue with Tsuyoshi…”
“It’s not an issue,” Koichi barked out. “Why won’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because you don’t deserve him,” Tackey yelled at him, “and if I can’t make you see anything else I want you to know at least that.”
Koichi stared at him wide-eyed.
“So,” Tackey pierced him with his look, “you’re saying you’re not dating Tsuyoshi?”
“No, we’re not dating.”
“When was the last time you dated anybody, Koichi?”
At that the other blinked. “Well…”
“And you two aren’t lovers?” Tackey continued sarcastically. “How long have you been sharing one bed with him now? Four years? But I suppose you’ll deny that you’re living together too?”
“We’re not living together,” Koichi insisted, shaking his head. “I… okay, I sleep over at Tsuyoshi’s every so often, but I have my own apartment, if you care to remember.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Tackey nodded. “It’s approved too that you keep it. But Koichi, do you have one single full set of clothes in that apartment that you can change into after taking a shower?”
At that Koichi stared. It felt like all blood was draining from his face as he realized that he indeed did not have such a thing.
“Koichi, no matter what you call it,” Tackey told him, “you’re sleeping with him, you’re not seeing anyone else and you’re living in his apartment. That makes him your lover. You might think it’s not important… but sometimes these little things make all the difference. Just like with your license today. So, stop being an idiot, okay, and just live with it like the rest of us.”
Koichi kept his eyes on Tackey, but he couldn’t say a single word. The reality the other had just forced on him was too shocking. He was really happy when the other finally dropped the subject. They didn’t really talk much after that, but Koichi couldn’t get Tackey’s words out of his head. Once he and Tackey had parted he moved back to… Tsuyoshi’s apartment only to resume his musing. After another good hour he groaned in frustration. Then a thought hit him. He quickly grabbed for his phone and dialed a number.
“Hai, what’s up?” sounded from the other end.
“Tomo, are Tsuyoshi and I a couple?”
Silence on the other end.
Koichi frowned. “Tomo?”
“Are you drunk?” Nagase asked.
“No, dammit, just answer my question,” Koichi growled out. “Are Tsuyoshi and I a couple?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Nagase asked back. “I mean, I’m not there with you, so I’m kind of relying on your word there. You keep saying that…”
“Yeah, forget my word,” Koichi sighed. “Look, what I mean is… how do you define a relationship? You know, a… love relationship. What are the qualities?”
“Well,” the other mused. “Basically you kiss and sleep together. You’re not dating other people and after a while I guess you’ll be living together.”
Koichi took a side-ways glance at Pan lying peacefully in her “second” basket.
“Oh my god,” Koichi gasped out. “I… I’m in a relationship.” He frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Now hold on a second,” Nagase argued. “How am I supposed to tell you that you’re in a relationship?”
“Well, you can take lessons from Tackey-kun,” Koichi offered. “He did a fair job of it.”
“Wow, so… so you’re seeing it now?”
“I guess,” Koichi sighed. “Oh dear, what am I gonna do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m in a gay fucking relationship,” Koichi demanded. “What… when did that happen?”
Nagase laughed at that. “Those are the things that happen along the way.”
“So, everybody knows that I’m in a relationship with Tsuyoshi… but me?”
“Basically.”
“That’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Relax, mate. Now that you realized it, it’ll be fine. If you and Tsuyoshi both know this now, you’ll be alright.”
“Tsuyoshi,” Koichi mumbled. He screwed his eyes shut in despair. “Oh god, I can’t believe I… I kept him at a distance.”
“That guy must love you big time,” Nagase teased, “when he’s still with you despite it all.”
“That much would be true,” Koichi nodded. “Ah, Tomo, thanks for being honest. If it’s okay, I want to go and… get something done.”
“Sure thing, Kou,” Nagase chuckled. “See you around.”
“Yeah, I’ll be in touch.”
“Tell me how your first sex with your lover was.”
“Oh, shut it, asshole.”
____________________________________________________________________________
“I’m home,” Tsuyoshi called out.
“Welcome back,” Koichi called right back.
He rushed into the hallway and hugged his… lover.
“I missed you,” he chirped out, giving the other a quick peck to his lips.
“Okay,” Tsuyoshi dragged out, “that’s... weird. Are you okay, Koichi?”
“I am… Tsuyoshi, I… there’s something I have to tell you.”
“Okay,… what is it?”
“I don’t quite know how to,” Koichi admitted. He looked at the other, feeling a bit helpless. “Can I just…”
For lack of words, he decided he would show the other what he wanted to say. He leaned in, this time for a long sensual kiss that Tsuyoshi soon picked up happily, pulling Koichi into his arms.
“Didn’t you want to say something?” he asked, his lips still touching Koichi’s.
“We can talk later,” Koichi suggested, quickly occupying their lips again.
Tsuyoshi was more than happy with that turn of events. He hadn’t even been sure if he would find Koichi still in his apartment as he came back, but there the other was, not only waiting for him, but obviously already aching for him too. For a second he wished that Koichi would also miss him with his heart, not just his body, but he decided that it wouldn’t help him to be greedy, so he simply enjoyed was Koichi was willing to give him. He sighed in delight as he found practiced fingers roaming over and teasing his skin, making it prickle with excitement.
“I’ve missed you too,” he whispered to Koichi, who kissed his neck in appreciation.
Tsuyoshi’s hands easily found their way under his lover’s clothing, removing it with ease. He couldn’t deny that he too had missed being close to Koichi, their intimate moments in bodily pleasures. By then he knew the body offered to him by heart, every sensitive spot, every hidden secret, every mole, every scar he’d taken from his stupid stunts and he was so in love with it. He showered Koichi with his love, kissing and caressing his body, indulging in every reaction he got from pleasure-filled sighs to shaking fingers digging into his flesh.
Koichi at the same time felt an entirely new experience. Thinking that he did this with the person he truly loved made it all the more intense an experience. Tsuyoshi was so attentive, so keen to pleasure him, it made him love the other even more. And having his feelings on the surface like that he finally couldn’t keep them in anymore. He wanted Tsuyoshi to know what he was feeling, wanted to finally rid him of the pain he still must have been feeling.
“I love you.”
There it was. A whispered confession. It seemed like such a trivial thing. After years of being together, sharing a bed and their lives too, it felt almost ridiculous to say it – but it also felt good. Like it had been weighing on his chest as well and finally he could be at ease. The words worked an instant magic. Tsuyoshi stopped his movements, which certainly did not meet Koichi’s approval, but he let the other pull back to look at him.
“What?” Tsuyoshi asked, frowning.
“I said… I love you,” Koichi repeated. He bit his lip. “Tsuyoshi… I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot, okay? I didn’t want to admit that this thing between us is real. It’s ridiculous, of course, but I just couldn’t…”
“But…” Tsuyoshi shook his head. “Why? Why all of a sudden? You never…”
“I know,” Koichi nodded, an apologetic smile on his face. “Can you forgive me? For making you long for me, thinking that you could not truly have me?”
“You mean it?” the other asked in wonder.
“I most certainly do,” Koichi nodded. “Tsuyoshi, I love you. I have for a while and I’m so sorry I made you wait to hear this for such a long time. And I want to thank you for waiting… and loving me all along the way.”
Tsuyoshi laughed nervously. “I… I’m not sure I can handle this,” he admitted.
“It’s okay,” Koichi assured him. “Take your time. I took four years, after all. So, you’re good on reaction time.”
“I… okay,” Tsuyoshi nodded.
“Mh, Tsuyoshi?”
“Hm?”
“Make love to me now?” Koichi requested, moving his hands over his partner’s body again, reminding him that they’d been in the middle of something.
“Anything you want,” Tsuyoshi assured him.
They engaged in a kiss that had both of them moan. It was like diving into an entirely new world. Even though they’d done it so many times before, if felt so utterly different. They were both feeling worked up, in need of that special feeling. And so they moved on quickly. Koichi offered himself willingly. There were hot fingers on and in him, making him lose his mind. Somehow the world faded out. He just felt the touch he was longing for so bad, heard himself moan and sigh, but the world was one big blur. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing anymore. However, he did recognize the feeling of his lover inside him as they finally became one, moving together as they worked their way towards completion.
Hot breath.
“Oh god, Tsuyoshi…”
Thighs rubbing hips, urging them.
“Yes.”
Foreheads touching.
“Mh, it feels good.”
Wet lips brushing.
“You coming?”
A vague nod.
“Me too…”
The world was completely lost to them as their bodies shared that one moment, muscles straining, breath hitching, moaning, shuddering, cursing, shouting, pounding, pushing towards the edge of white-hot pleasure, trembling and aching until the world faded out completely, blanking out everything but the feeling of their joint bodies in their release as they rode through it together, eyes screwed shut, mouths open, moving ungraciously in mindless bliss – until that feeling faded out too, leaving them a heaving heap of flesh on their bed.
__________________________________________________________________________
“Say it again,” Tsuyoshi demanded playfully.
Koichi chuckled, his fingers delicately teasing his lover’s small.
“I love you,” he confessed again.
“Again.”
“I love you,” the answer came readily.
“You know,” Tsuyoshi mumbled against willingly offered lips, “you shouldn’t have told me. Now I can’t get enough of it and I’ll make you say it a million times.”
“I’ll say it as often and then some,” Koichi promised, kissing the other’s forehead.
“Somehow I still can’t believe it,” Tsuyoshi muttered as he settled against Koichi’s chest.
“Hm?”
“It just feels… unreal,” Tsuyoshi explained. “After such a long time.”
“Want me to say it again?” Koichi asked playfully. “You know, just so you can be sure.”
“It’s fine,” Tsuyoshi snickered.
He gave a quick peck to Koichi’s chest, before settling down for real, drifting off to sleep. Koichi kept holding him in his arms, watching his lover some more, enjoying the feeling of being complete and thinking about the way they’d come and where they would be going.
_____________________________________________________________________________
After their five-hundred-and-seventy-fifth night together Koichi stopped keeping count – because it was fine if it simply kept going on forever.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Nah, no good, I’ve been there before, the Soba is hideous,” Tsuyoshi insisted.
“Mou, Tsuyoshi’s being such a pain,” Nagase complained.
“Hey, stop bad-mouthing my lover,” Koichi demanded.
“Why do you make it so much of a point now?” his friend frowned. “It’s not like you cared before.”
“Exactly,” Koichi nodded. “I’ve got quite some catching up to do.”
“Well, if nothing else,” Tackey grinned, “you’ve got to give Koichi that he is one determined guy.”
“Oh, shut up, you,” Koichi glared at him. “I didn’t even want to take you along, but Tsuyoshi insisted – because you helped me out the other day.”
“Now, now, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi chuckled. “Be nice.”
Koichi grumbled something, but dropped the topic.
“How about Sukiyaki?” Tackey finally suggested. “I know a really good place.”
“Oh, is it your treat?” Nagase asked. “Because not all of us want to afford fancy food like that.”
“Fine,” Tackey sighed, “I’ll treat you. I’m just really hungry, so can we finally decide on something?”
“Sukiyaki’s fine with me,” Koichi shrugged.
“Well, then I had better line in now, before someone will take my head off,” Tsuyoshi decided.
“Finally,” Nagase dragged out. “Okay, let’s go, then.”
As they headed towards the main door, they walked past rehearsal rooms, dressing rooms and studios. Quite a few eyes turned their way, for they were a rarely seen group. Tackey didn’t show any sign of insecurity, though, merely greeting everybody politely.
Suddenly a door was smashed loudly, making all of them turn their heads.
“Yeah well, see if I care,” Kame shouted as he strut off. “I’m outa here.”
Koichi blinked. What…?
Next the door was flung open again, showing an enraged Ryo.
“Yeah well, get lost, then,” he yelled after the other. “And you don’t have to show your face to me again. Asshole!”
The group had stopped at the scene. As Ryo turned around he saw them standing in the hallway and blushed.
“Ah… Takki-kun,” he said awkwardly. “Koichi-kun, Tsuyoshi-san… Nagase-kun.” His face turned a deep shade of red. “I… good to see you.” He bowed slightly. “Ano… sorry,” he muttered and with that quickly clicked the door closed again.
“What… was that?” Koichi blinked.
Tackey chuckled. “Lover’s quarrel,” he explained. “They’ve been dating for a while now.”
“Oh, really?” Koichi’s brows shot up.
“Yes,” Tackey sighed. But don’t talk to either of them about it. They’re both denying it.”
Koichi couldn’t help a chuckle. “Stupid,” he grinned.
“Do you think you’re someone to judge that?” the other grinned back.
“I am, definitely,” Koichi nodded. “Stupid me.” With that he gave a quick peck to his lover’s cheek. “Come on, now, let’s let going, I’m hungry too.”
“Ought to follow the Prince’s orders, ne?” Tackey teased.
“You’d better,” Koichi agreed and set out again, getting their group into movement once more.
“Say, Tsuyoshi,” Tackey addressed the younger of the pair, “is he demanding like that in bed too?”
“Oi,” Koichi complained, blushing. “What do you think you’re asking?”
“What – scared of the answer?” the other grinned.
“No,” Koichi scoffed. His pout was almost unbearably cute. “It’s just none of your business what we do in bed.”
“Hm…” Tackey mused, “or maybe you suck and you don’t want anyone to know.”
“That’s not it,” Koichi shot out, his face beet red.
“You’re not the one who is supposed to answer that, though,” the other pointed out. “Tsuyoshi-kun?”
Tsuyoshi merely shook his head. “I’m enjoying my love-life privately, thank you. But if I’m to choose, I’d rather have a demanding lover than someone, who merely lets me do all the work.”
“Oh, there’s a piece,” Tackey cheered.
“Yeah, one that I wouldn’t have needed, thank you very much,” Nagase groaned.
“Enough of this now,” Koichi demanded.
“Seconded,” Tsuyoshi nodded. “Oh and Takki-kun, could you please finally explain to Koichi that you actually really like him and that your stupid teasing is merely a way to get his attention? He doesn’t really understand subtle hints, so he simply doesn’t get it. We’ll be much more at ease if this is finally solved too.”
Tackey blushed slightly at that. “That… Tsuyoshi-kun, really, you’re embarrassing me.”
“Just as you embarrassed my lover just now,” Tsuyoshi merely shrugged back. “It’s not a bad thing to like Koichi, you know. And I think he will appreciate it, if only he’ll finally understand it.”
“There’s no way he wouldn’t know,” Tackey demanded. He eyed Koichi next to him. “You… what do you think why I keep approaching you?”
“I don’t know,” Koichi shrugged. “To annoy the shit out of me?” he suggested.
“Why would I do that?” the other asked, shaking his head. “I mean, think about it. If I simply didn’t care for you, wouldn’t it be so much easier to simply ignore you for the main part?”
Koichi blinked at that. He inspected Tackey doubtfully. “So… what are you saying?”
“Tackey sighed. “I’m saying that I do indeed like you and I wish we would be closer. You’re a cool guy and I learned a lot about stage play watching you. Just… somehow I don’t know how to approach you. Plus, you don’t like me, so…”
“I don’t like anyone,” Koichi shrugged.
The statement had both Nagase and Tsuyoshi laugh.
Tackey merely blinked, though. “Eh?”
“Somehow I just… I’m wary of people,” Koichi shrugged. “So, I don’t like anybody upon seeing them.”
“Agreed,” Nagase threw in.
“That’s why I keep saying he’s having such difficulties making friends,” Tsuyoshi explained. “And he can’t talk well either – well, but about the stuff he enjoys. But that reduces topics to Pan, F1 and science.”
“I do like other things,” Koichi pointe out with a wink. Then he shifted his attention back to Tackey. “So, what you mean to say is that you actually… wanted to become friends?”
“I guess I’m not really good with that either, huh?” Tackey chuckled. “It just felt like you were always particularly cold towards me. Like, you talk easily with Nagase and Tsuyoshi.”
“Not for a first time,” Nagase growled. “Stupid kid almost broke my nose.”
“I said I was sorry,” Koichi pouted, blushing.
“It’s okay,” the other grinned.
“You’re always nice to Ryo,” Tackey kept musing.
“Oh, that…” Koichi bit his lip. “I don’t know how to say it. Since he acted in my play… I don’t know, somehow I felt like I had to watch out for him.”
“So… you’re saying you’re not particularly biting at me?” Tackey asked.
“Of course not,” Koichi shook his head. “It’s not like I dislike you, I just don’t like you.”
“I see,” Tackey laughed. “Well… maybe we can do something about that?” he suggested with a smile.
“Depends,” Koichi mused.
“On what?”
“Do you mind a nerd’s enthusiasm? Because when I get casual with people I tend to force my love of my interests on them. And most of the time people only tell me it’s annoying,” he explained, “but I can’t help being that way. So…”
“We can give it a try,” Tackey suggested. “I’d really like to get to know the casual you.”
“Well, okay then,” Koichi nodded. “There’s a tournament tonight, you can come and watch, if you like.”
Tackey blinked. “Watch?”
“Oh no,” Tsuyoshi moaned out. “I swear, if you make another guy from the agency play that stupid online game, the computer goes right into the basement.”
“Mou, Tsuyoshi…”
______________________________________________________________________________
Finished. :D I hope you all liked it. ^___^
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Date: 2013-01-11 06:54 pm (UTC)But okays. He's done well in your text and I hope we'll see him unfrozing faster again in a real life. Just saying that I've been on both sides in such a "relationship" and I know the risks and was nearly crying reading this until the very happy end.
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Date: 2013-01-12 08:15 am (UTC)Uh, "reports" - as in concert reports? *___* Do you have English translations? I'm being weird, aren't I? I was there on one day of the concert too, but I'd love to read more stuff, especially from other days. Meh, Koichi being distant again? >< Stupid kid. Well, I think he gets awkward very easily and doesn't know how to handle certain things and I'm guessing Tsuyoshi is being considerate in this respect. I still think it's a pity Koichi gets so wary about these things. Totally not necessary.
I'm glad you liked the turn of events in my story. ^^ I've had this among my files for a while and just now found the time to really finish and post it. :D I love how wonderful Tsuyoshi is. <3 Like, he's thinking even when Koichi doesn't call it by name, it's still a good thing, so he accepts it. And Koichi... well, he is someone of whom I can think that he will after something like four years suddenly realize that he is in a relationship. XD
It all turned out well in the end, didn't it? ^^ Trust Takki to burst in and set things right. He is the born problem solver. XDDD I'm happy with his and Koichi's story too. SOmehow I cannot really seperate them, even though they hardly see each other in real life. ^^"
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!!! <3<3<3
*hugs*
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Date: 2013-01-12 06:10 pm (UTC)Well, two moments. One with "exorcising an evil spirit" - my guess is that Koichi half-expected to be kissed right there, and would he ever make a fuss about it! But no, doesn't happen these days. And the second, with Koichi whining over the hug Yara got from a dancer. Tsuyoshi, why invite all the others to get in line to hug Koichi and making no move to be the first one?
I'm npt a mind reader but it seems to me that Tsuyoshi has grown really wary about approaching Koichi now. Even at the moments hat airhead all but asks for it. Well, yeah, Koichi WAS all stern and ill-humored about gay things between them in the past, but isn't it just an image now? Honestly, a guy who flirts with men naturally and shies away from his own female musicians even? I think he must have realized by 34 that his mind is not so opposed to men's interest as he tries to show - and that he has nothing to be afraid of, too. I hate to think that some of his careless phrases must have hurt Tsuyoshi so much that he has schooled himself to keep his hands and thoughts away, to not hear any of those evil words again. I hate it but keep running it in my head over and over. Really, when Koichi returns to KinKi and happy and giggly, comes to Tsuyoshi seeking for love and comfort - why holding back if you obviously have some ideas of spoiling and treating him? Okay, now I'm babbling but those thoughts just don't go away. I like how KinKi are happy together again but what wouldn't I give to see them lovey-dovey instead of "distant friends meeting once a year for some fun".
Oh, God, Koichi suddenly realizing he's in love - that's been my biggest - you can call it a kink - in KinKi fics. Like, forever. He's totally the type. And also the type to bite back when he's trying to shove the feeling and thoughts that bother him, into the dark corner. That's the trait I hate in people but that's understandable, too. Only that - Koichi, you claim to be totally honest to yourself and pushing yourself to your limits, but that doesn't apply to the situations when you're attracted to someone? Keep your head up, you, a big coward!
Yeah, Takki is such a fangirl whenever he gets to see his favourite sempai XDD
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Date: 2013-01-13 05:43 am (UTC)Haha, I really like the Koichi-in-denial thing too. I've got another one in stock concerning that. Actually, that will be my next multi. ^_^ He's the type this could actually happen to, right? XD
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Date: 2013-01-11 08:33 pm (UTC)Thank you <3
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Date: 2013-01-12 08:17 am (UTC)And it's very special, coming from you. <3
Thank you very much, I'm glad I could get some good feeling into this. ^_^
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Date: 2013-01-11 08:39 pm (UTC)m(_ _)m
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Date: 2013-01-12 08:20 am (UTC)I'm so happy that you like it. ^^ I had a lot of fun writing it, even though I wanted to slap Koichi sometimes and I was at the verge of tears at some points. ^^" I'm really happy that it turned out like this.
Thank you once again for reading and also for your comment!!! :D
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Date: 2013-01-11 08:42 pm (UTC)For some reason, I burst out laughing at "Their two-hundred-and-sixty-seventh night"
These two are always so cute, hot and perfect together in your fics (and in real life).
Thanks for writing and sharing :)
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Date: 2013-01-12 08:26 am (UTC)I know, isn't Tsuyoshi so wonderful? <3 So loving and caring and always considerate of Koichi's feelings and his denial of them. I absolutely love him in this. Well, I love him always. ^_^ Go, Tsuyoshi!!! <3
Haha, trust Koichi to keep count of things he is wary of. Just in case, he'll know exactly what he has done - and how often he has done it. XDDDD
I'm really happy that you like this. ^____^ It's a story I have developed a soft spot for too and I've gotten such lovely reactions, it warms my heart. Thank you so much!!!!! <3<3<3
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Date: 2013-01-12 08:19 pm (UTC)Oh and Koichi has always been an idiot, jeez, it's scary how accurate the situation between them is in your fic. It's always like Koichi is the one who has to approach (recently, like all the time, no?!), but rarely does, because Tsuyoshi is not sure if he can, so there is no development. Like how they're always talking about how they don't visit each other, which clearly sounds like "We want to see each other, but noone does the first step" because Koichi won't and Tsuyoshi doesn't. Those two are just too complicated for their own good. I would've liked them to regain some of their Phi-lovey-dovey for their 15th Anniv... grr /sorry me rambling too much :''3
Back to your fic, I really enjoyed it :D and the happy end was necessary to cheer my KinKi heart up ❤ thanks again
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Date: 2013-01-13 05:28 am (UTC)Reading your comment I find that I am clearly not the only one who is feeling this way. It's weird, lately Koichi keeps inviting Tsuyoshi in, doesn't he? It seems like Tsuyohi is wary about what's okay, though. He should stop thinking about it too much. Koichi is, after all, a spoilt little brat, who just likes to be pampered and it seems like he's missing it so no matter how he complains, it's something he enjoys. ^^ But maybe Tsuyoshi is thinking something like "if you want it, stop complaining, then I might think about it again".
About their privates - I expect they're both very busy and thus don't meet a lot, but really, from their first claim that they don't have each other's phone numbers I didn't buy the way they are trying to deny all private connection. There has been too much denial on several things, things that later were revealed through slips and I wonder why they (have to?) try to keep this going. It might well be, though, that they don't see each other as often as they could because Koichi would tend to be careless with these things while Tsuyoshi... actually, I don't know why he's gotten to be so wary. He should try to get over it, though, as it clearly seems like Koichi wants some more attention. XD
Phi... I don't know, everything in that concert tour seemed totally natural. It's like they put something on stage with a statement like "if it's us making all the decisions, this is how it would be". Didn't Tsuyoshi even say something like "we wish we could freely share with you, without any restraints, or limitations"? I mean, that's a statement, isn't it? I think it was very unfortunate that they got into trouble, especially over the fan-service stuff. Koichi would be someone to freak over something like that. >< I expect the agency let them in on some of the very strong fan reactions they received. It seems like Tsuyoshi at first tried to break right through that, even putting stuff on top of it, while Koichi kept retreating and as it is now it looks like Tsuyoshi is merely accepting Koichi's wish to keep things... well, "clean", so to speak. It's not like I can't understand the reaction, I just think it's sad and lately it appears that Koichi has revised a bit and tries to get the "mood" back, but Tsuyoshi's still wary. LOL! Koichi should just walk up and kiss him right on - just to make a point. ^^
Now I rambled too. ^^" What I really want to say: I'm really happy that you like my story. Thanks a lot for reading and for commenting!!! <3