Love Episodes - Episode 8.a: I have a confession

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: Bit of angst
Multi-Chapter


Introduction: Important! This takes place even before the story in Episode 1. (Finally, the first break of the time line. It had to come. ^_^" ) It's kind of side story-line that I've been thinking about. It concerns the way in which Koichi tells Nagase that he's gay. Somehow I kept wondering how he would have gone about it. I also want to write another episode that will totally clear the situation between these two, even if it's probably not going to be the next one.

Note: This story was inspired by newcellie . Thanks a lot for reading and even providing me with new ideas. ^_^  I hope you enjoy it.

“Kooouuuuu-chan!” Nagase complained loudly. “Come on. We haven’t done this in forever. And I only just bought this today,” he continued in a whiny voice, waving with the newest version on “Need for Speed”, “and I want to try it out. But it’s no fun alone.”

“Tomo-chan,” Koichi sighed, even though the sight of his friend trying to appeal to him amused him somewhat. “I told you, I’ve got plans tonight.”

“You always have plans for every night,” Nagase pouted. “You never call either. Actually, I’m mad at you,” he informed the smaller boy. “Maybe I’ll be getting myself a new game buddy.”

 

Koichi looked at his best friend. It was true, all of his spare time had been reserved for Tsuyoshi in the past two months. But could he really be blamed? He was madly in love, after all. And Tsuyoshi had only too happily agreed to everything Koichi suggested. But then, he couldn’t really blame his friend for wanting some of his love as well. They hadn’t seen each other in ages, after all. Well, he was sure that Nagase would understand if he knew… And suddenly Koichi felt guilty. He hadn’t even shared his little “secret” with Nagase yet. At first he wasn’t really sure about it.

 

But he had to admit that ever since he had started thinking about Tsuyoshi that way, there was no denying anymore that he was definitely attracted to guys. He bit his lip, pondering his options. Then he got up abruptly.

“Wait here,” Koichi instructed his friend shortly before striving out the door.

The Kansai boy took out his phone and roamed it for Shigeru's number. Then he pressed the call button and held the item to his ear.

“Leader-san, this is Domoto Koichi,” the boy said nervously.

 

“Ah, Koichi-kun,” Shigeru answered kindly. “Are you coming by already?"

“Ano…” Koichi licked his lips. “No. Sorry, I… I think I won’t be dropping in at all. Nagase keeps bugging me about getting together. And I think it might not be a bad idea to share my thoughts with him. Not that I don’t appreciate your kindness, just… He’s my best friend. And I also yet have to tell him about me,” he explained.

A short pause. Then, “I see. Well, good luck to you, Koichi-kun. It’s very brave to through with this.”

 

“Yeah, I wonder whether it’s a good idea,” Koichi admitted. “But… He’s my best friend and… it feels like he doesn’t know me entirely if I keep this from him. He also thinks I just keep neglecting him. If he knew I was in love and why I’m feeling torn right now and that I want some time to myself, I’m sure he would understand better.”

“Again, I wish you good luck, Koichi,” Shigeru answered. “Ganbatte, ne.”

 “Yes, thank you,” Koichi said thankfully. “I’ll call you later and report.”

“Very well,” Shigeru agreed. “Jaa.”

“Jaa ne.”

 

Putting his phone back into his pocket, Koichi returned to his changing room.

“It’s on,” he announced simply.

Nagase, who had settled down on the couch, reading “Tokyo Sports”, looked up in surprise.

“What?” the taller boy asked, confused.

“Well, I thought you were inviting me over to your place,” Koichi told him.

“So, you’re coming?” Nagase beamed at him.

“Yup,” Koichi nodded, gasping in surprise, but laughing as Nagase picked him up from the floor to cuddle him thoroughly.

 

“Yatta!” Nagase announced. “Okay, I’ll come and pick you up later. I’ll just go, buy some strawberry milk.”

“Don’t over-do it,” Koichi said smiling.

“Right, right,” Nagase replied over his shoulder, already heading out the door. “See you later.”

“See you,” Koichi called after the other boy, shaking his head, but smiling mildly.

 

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“Third time winning,” Koichi announced teasingly. “Maybe I should change my profession and become a racer?”

“Well, since singing isn’t your foremost talent,” Nagase muttered.

“Oi,” Koichi said, making a face and nudging his friend’s arm playfully. “My voice is still in development,” he explained. “Just wait and see, once it’s all matured, I’ll sound just as good as you.”

“Oh, I’d like to see that,” Nagase laughed.

“You will,” Koichi assured him. “And for now,” he continued, sounding very pleased with himself, “I’ll just revel in the fact that you can’t race.”

“You can be such a pain,” Nagase said in a mock-whiny voice.

“But you still love me, right?” he beamed at the taller boy.

“Ah,” Nagase agreed, ruffling Koichi’s hair affectionately, “of course I love you.”

Koichi smiled at his friend and put his controller on the floor.

 

Nagase blinked. “What now?”

“Tomo-chan,” Koichi began, shifting so that he could face his friend better, “I’m sorry, but there’s something I want to tell you. I should have told you about this a while ago, but somehow…”

Nagase’s guts suddenly started to twist uncomfortably and his heart started to race at an impossible speed.

 

Omg, is he gonna…?

 

Koichi laughed nervously. “It’s… a bit difficult,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m a bit nervous. I’ve never said this to anyone, so I don’t really know how to go about it. And quite honestly I’m afraid that it’ll freak you out.”

At that point Nagase totally panicked.

 

Omg! Koichi, what are you doing?! Here? Now? What do you expect me to say? Please, you know I’m… straight and all and… I really don’t want to hurt you… But what am I gonna do now?

 

“Can I tell you?” Koichi asked, an insecure smile on his face.

Nagase blinked at the question. His head was spinning so bad with his own thoughts he thought he might pass out.

 

Well, then at least he couldn’t…

 

But despite his reluctance he nodded at his friend.

“Of course,” he assured. “Whatever you want to tell me, I’ll listen.”

“Okay,” Koichi nodded. “I… I really have no idea how to do this properly, so all I can do is really just tell you how it is.”

He looked at his friend and when Nagase showed no signs of rejection, Koichi took a deep breath.

“I’m gay.”

There it was. Blunt and honest.

Koichi looked at his friend, but Nagase showed no reaction.

 

“There’s more,” Koichi said reluctantly. “There is someone that I like.”

“I see,” Nagase pressed out. “Is this… why you haven’t come around?”

“I’m sorry about that,” Koichi said sincerely. “It’s just…”

“I see,” Nagase nodded, his voice even. “I… really don’t know what to say,” he admitted, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“I understand if it shocks you. I mean, if I believe other people’s opinion I’m not the `obvious´ type. I shouldn’t have kept this from you to begin with. And now I’m bugging you with my problems.”

Nagase suddenly blinked at him. “Problems?”

Koichi nodded, smiling sadly. “You know, I want to confess to him. But… I’m scared he’ll just freak out, or something.”

 

Nagase took in his friend’s shaking form and suddenly forgot all about his own dreading. “Who,” he screeched a bit, clearing his throat before he continued. “Who is it? The person you like?”

“Oh, sorry,” Koichi said apologetically, his voice a bit husky. “Stupid Koichi. I… It’s Tsuyoshi.”

 

“You like Tsuyoshi,” Nagase gasped out in surprise, disbelief, and relief.

Koichi blinked at his best friend for a second, then nodded warily. “What – is that off?”

“No, no,” Nagase waved him off quickly. “It’s just… I didn’t think he was your type.”

“What do you mean, `my type´ ?” Koichi asked pointedly.

“Well, with your mind and physique, I would have thought you’d prefer… girls to begin with. But if it’s a guy, then probably someone who is more like… you, perhaps?”

“And that would be?” Koichi asked, face getting darker.

“Ano… cute?” Nagase tried sweetly.

“Girly,” Koichi said flatly.

“I don’t mean to say you are…” Nagase tried to assure him. “It’s just that… well, people think of you that way. And you look...”

“Girly,” Koichi repeated, a sour look on his face.

“Delicate,” Nagase corrected him.

 

“Whatever,” Koichi shrugged. “On the contrary. I can’t really picture Tsuyoshi liking me. I mean, if you like girls, you take girls. But if you like guys, why would you take those with girly features? I like Tsuyoshi’s looks. They’re… masculine. Really cool. I like that.”

“Let me tell you,” Nagase told him, “that especially among guys your looks are very popular.”

 

“And you know this how?” Koichi asked sceptically.

“Well, if it were me…” Nagase tried desperately.

“But you like girls,” Koichi moaned out. “See? People who like guys won’t like me.”

“I don’t think that’s entirely true,” Nagase opposed. “What – did Tsuyoshi ever say he didn’t like the way you look?”

“Wha-" Koichi gasped. “No. I haven’t even told him that I like him. And I don’t think I can do it. He’ll either laugh at me or jump in my face.”

“Or jump your bones,” Nagase suggested.

 

“Eh?” Koichi blinked. “What does that mean?”

Nagase shrugged. “I heard Kimura-kun say that the other day. I think it means sex.”

Koichi made a face. “That sounds off for sex.”

“Yeah, kinda,” Nagase agreed. “I just happened to remember that. Sorry.”

“I don’t think Tsuyoshi would like me back, though,” Koichi mused.

 

“Well,” Nagase tried, but hesitated. “You cannot know until you tell him. You should just confess to him. Get it off your chest.”

“And what if it has a bad impact on our relationship?” Koichi suggested. “We’re working together. It might become troublesome.”

“I really think there’s gonna be more trouble if you keep it in,” Nagase opposed. “It’ll influence your work in a negative way. I mean, if you tell him now, he just might accept you. But even if he doesn’t, it’ll be a mere moment of awkwardness. That will pass quickly. Staying at a distance, always watching, fantasising, dreaming, dwelling, won’t that be much worse?”

Koichi considered that. “I don’t… know,” he decided. “Probably.”

“You don’t have to run off now to tell him,” Nagase told him. “But you should consider the option. You know, in order to move on.”

Koichi nodded, still lost in his thoughts. Then, his focus was on Nagase again.

“Ano…”

 

“Yes?” Nagase blinked.

“So… is it okay?” Koichi asked timidly.

“What?” the taller boy asked, blinking.

“You know, what I just said,” Koichi explained. “That I like guys. I mean, don’t you think I’m… sick, or something?”

Nagase gaped at his best friend. “EEEEHHHHH?!?!?!?!?!”

Koichi jumped a bit at the reaction.

 

“What ever are you saying?” Nagase demanded. “I’m your best friend. I mean, you caught me a bit off guard, I’ll admit that. But you’re still… my dear Kou-chan.”

Koichi sighed in relief. “Yokkata na. You know I was scared that you might freak, or something.”

“Hardly,” Nagase told him. “Although I’ll probably need some getting sued to it. Hey, if I’m making inappropriate jokes or something while you’re on the scene, please let me know, I might be unaware. You know how I’m a bit clumsy in that way.”

 “You tend to be,” Koichi agreed. “But if we’re on a scene together, I’ll just make the same inappropriate jokes and laugh with you,” Koichi smiled sadly. “Because people like me are despicable.”

“What are you saying?” Nagase said, frowning.

Koichi chuckled lightly. “Well, I don’t really think that way. I’ve come to see that love is love, no matter who it’s directed at. Just… I can’t exactly go now and confess my love for Tsuyoshi on our next episode of “Love Love Aishiteru”. Instead I’ll say something like, `I like girls who are shy and self-conscious about their looks.´, or maybe `And then he grabbed me there. Isn’t it off to have a guy touch you like that?´. Our business is like that. We’re all straight singles for the media, right? And all eyes are on us, so we have to be extra careful. So, just for all of them I’ll be a straight single who thinks queers are seriously off.”

Nagase nodded silently.

“But,” Koichi continued in a lighter tune, looking at his friend playfully. “If you ever call me a faggot, I’ll punch your lights out.”

Nagase huffed at that. “Shut up, faggot,” he said lightly, ruffling Koichi’s hair.

“Oi, what’s that?!” Koichi complained, trying to fight the offending hands off. “Wah, Tomo-chan, you’re ruining my hair!”

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Omg, what an incredibly bad cut.  >_<  But there was no more to say, really. I hope you liked. Next chapter will have KinKi interaction again. Thanks a lot for reading! ^_^