Love Episodes - Episode 8: Ne, ganbaruyo!

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: just swearing
Multi-Chapter


Introduction: This one takes place a bit later in the relationship. Quite a few months, I'd say. Not an entire year, maybe. Tsuyoshi is off to Taiwan for work and Koichi has to face some new problems of his own.


Note: I wonder how the Nagase issue came up. I had no intention of writing that. It just kind of happened. Those guys will just do whatever they want. ^_^"  Sorry, this update took a while, but while I already had the other pieces I've posted so far finished, I had to create this from scratch.

“You look worn,” Nagase pointed out.

“Shut it, you big slob,” Koichi grunted out, flopping down on his best friend’s sofa.

“Why on earth was it again that I agreed to take you home with me?” Nagase mock-mused, grinning at his friend.

“Because I’m cute and cuddly?” Koichi offered, blinking his eyes sweetly.

Nagase made a face. “I don’t fall for that kind of thing, you know,” he said, sounding a bit exasperated.

 

Koichi blinked up at him from the sofa. “Oi, what are you being so serious for?” he groaned. “I’m just kidding.”

“Nh,” Nagase made, walking past Koichi. “I’ll get a beer. Want one?”

“Ano… no, thanks,” Koichi answered, crawling back into a sitting position, still blinking after the taller boy.

Nagase only took a minute to return, a bottle of beer in one hand, a pack of strawberry milk in the other.

Koichi smiled thankfully. “Doumo, na.”

 

He took the item, quickly, but it was wet from warming in Nagase’s well-tempered living room, so Koichi grabbed for it, grasping Nagase’s hand with it. The latter boy immediately drew back, jumping away from the Kansai boy.

The reaction had Koichi frown for real. “What on earth is it with you? I’m not gonna rip off your hand, you know.”

“Ano…” Nagase tried nervously, “Yeah… no…. right. – Forget it. Sorry. Guess I’m a bit jumpy tonight.”

 

That statement had Koichi change his attitude. “Why, that sounds like you’re up for a round of fun-wrestling,” he declared, tackling the other without warning.

Nagase instantly jumped up and away again, at the same time shoving at Koichi so forcefully that the boy went to the floor. A moment’s silence followed in which Nagase’s eyes grew wide and Koichi tried to regain his senses properly. The TOKIO boy bit his lip in desperation.

“You don’t have to fly at me like that, you know,” Koichi complained, holding his head. “You can just say it, if you don’t want to play.”

Nagase finally found his voice again. “Oh my god, Koichi,” he gasped out, sounding guilty. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

 

He knelt down on the floor next to his friend and reached out a hand to help him back up, but then hesitated.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Koichi spat out, startling Nagase as he jumped up from the floor.

Nagase licked his lips. “Well… Koichi, I’m really, really sorry. Please…”

He looked apologetically at Koichi. The Kansai boy glared for another moment, then let the immediate anger fly away, scoffing lightly.

“Whatever,” Koichi muttered. “Just what is it with you? You’re so jumpy, as though you’re scared of me touching you.”

 

Nagase stiffened visibly.

Koichi looked at him in confusion. “What is it?”

“Well,” Nagase began, licking his lips nervously. “It’s just…”

Koichi rolled his eyes, getting impatient. “What now?”

“Look, I…” Nagase tried desperately. “I’m sorry, but I think you’ll be mad at me.”

“Koichi blinked at him. “What – did you take my water out of my locker again? It’s okay. I’ve got a spare – just in case.”

 

“That’s not it,” Nagase bit at him.

“What are you getting so worked up over?” Koichi bit back.

“Over the reaction I’ll get when I tell you that…” he broke off again.

“That?”

“Well, that maybe it is bothersome to have you touch me,” Nagase finally blurted out.

Koichi stared at him in disbelief. “W-what?!?!?! Why?”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Nagase told him. “And it’s not like I’ve got a problem with any of it – generally…”

 

“You’re not making any sense,” Koichi told him.

“Say, did it… ever occur to you that you might have shocked me a bit when you told me that you’re gay?”

The two boys looked at each other. They both felt very strongly that the course of this conversation would gravely influence their further relationship, one way or another. It was due to that feeling that Koichi – quite out of character for him – made it a point to stay completely factual – for now.

“How does it bother you?” Koichi wanted to know.

 

“Well, it’s not so much that you like guys,” Nagase tried. “I mean, I’ve seen the way you look at Tsuyoshi and I kind of thought that maybe something might be there, but then, to hear it from your own mouth… The reality of it hit me harder than I’d like to admit.”

“I really thought you were more open-minded,” Koichi informed him coldly.

 

Nagase smiled drily. “So did I,” he told his friend. “And I’m sorry. Really. But I can’t stop this… this uneasiness… this itchy feeling. I mean… We’ve been bathing together, sleeping in the same bed, we’ve touched each other… well, not really intimately, but in intimate places… even if it was all casual – I just don’t know anymore how casual all of that was for you.”

 

Koichi looked intensely at his friend, taking in what he had said and trying to read him as best he could. He was surprised at his own calm. Inside he was shaking with sadness, desperation, anger and frustration, His best friend was basically telling him that he had grown wary of being close to him, because he was unsure about his motive. And as much as it hurt, he could understand him a bit. He saw how Nagase would feel that way. He just had no idea what to do about it, feeling completely helpless.

 

“I should go,” he decided finally, just wanting to get away from that tense atmosphere.

“No,” Nagase shouted out. “Don’t… not like that. Please.”

“Well, then, what do you want to do?” Koichi asked pointedly.

“I don’t know,” Nagase sighed. “But we’re best friends. Sure we can work this out?”

“Well, if there’s something I can do,” Koichi offered, “I’m game.”

 

Nagase nodded at him. “Please, come and sit,” he requested shyly. “I was worried you’d be totally pissed and run off, you know. So, I never said anything.”

“And the more casual I acted, the more uneasy you got,” Koichi analysed the situation. The Kansai boy sighed. “Look, I… it’s nothing I can help. I like guys and that’s just how it is.”

“I know that,” Nagase replied. “And I’m happy for you. I mean, with Tsuyoshi and all. Just…”

 

“I know,” Koichi waved him off. “I might be lusting after you. I guess it’s no good when I tell you that’s not the case?”

“Not really,” Nagase smiled apologetically. “I mean, I totally believe you. You seem to love Tsuyoshi fair enough too.”

“Okay,” Koichi mused, licking his lips. “But then what?”

“It’s not that… you’d actually try anything with me, but…” He sighed. “Look, I know the feeling that I get when a girl touches me. Whether I actually want her, or not. It doesn’t really matter that much. Being touched I will have a certain reaction. And… I think it must be the same for you. So, when I touch you, you must feel… something.”

 

Again the two boys stared at each other. Nagase bit his lip nervously as Koichi took his time answering.

“I don’t know,” Koichi finally admitted, shrugging a bit. “I’m not the type who likes a lot of touching in the first place. You are certainly among the selected few that I undoubtedly enjoy it with. I mean, it’s nice being touched by you. Is that bad?”

“I…” Nagase muttered unevenly. “You’ll touch me back too and all of that is somehow…”

“I see,” Koichi nodded. “Well, it’s nothing I can help. And I just feel comfortable around you. I still think that’s something to treasure, but with the current situation I can see how you’re uneasy about it.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Nagase told him, sounding so guilty Koichi felt his stomach twisting.

“No, I… do you think you’ll be able to live with it?” Koichi asked directly. “I mean, I guess it’ll take some getting used to.”

The taller boy nodded. “Yeah, that might be nice.”

“Okay,” Koichi nodded. “So, let’s be careful about this. I’ll be around, so long as you want me here and you say just how close a contact you want.”

Nagase walked up to the smaller boy and pulled him up into a hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled out.

 

Koichi blinked. “Ano… weren’t you the one complaining about the closeness? What now?”

“I’m just happy that you understand,” Nagase told him, pulling back and smiling at him. He seemed seriously relieved.

“Shall I go now?” Koichi offered, smiling back. “I mean, I’m expecting you don’t really want me to sleep here.”

“Oh, no, no,” Nagase waved him off. “I said you could. And it’s really not a problem. We’re friends, after all. Just… maybe not in the same room this time?” he asked timidly.

“It’s your place, I’ll stick with your rules,” Koichi told him.

 

“Thank you,” the taller boy said again, smiling. “I’ll get you a glass,” he added.

“It’s okay,” Koichi tried, but the other boy was already out the room again.

Koichi looked after his friend, sighing a bit, wondering where they would be going from there. Then, however, he was ripped out of his thoughts as his phone rang.

 

Tsuyoshi…?

 

Koichi mused about that, recognizing his band mate’s ringing tone. He grabbed his phone swiftly.

“Hai?”

“Ano… Hi, Koichi,” Tsuyoshi spoke timidly.

Koichi smiled. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh, not much,” Tsuyoshi said casually. “I just… wanted to hear your voice.”

“Awwww,” Koichi made cutely. “I miss you too. How are things in Taiwan?”

“It’s a bit bothersome,” Tsuyoshi admitted. “Nobody understands me and mainly I’m without management.”

 

Koichi nodded in understanding. “Ganbatte, ne,” he tried to encourage his partner.

“Thanks,” the younger boy replied.

“Ano…” Koichi began, but got distracted as Nagase walked by him, putting a glass on the table. “Thank you,” Koichi mouthed, then returned his attention back to Tsuyoshi.

“What was that?” the latter wanted to know.

“Oh, nothing, sorry,” Koichi mumbled. “Nagase just startled me.”

“Oh, do you have a sleep-over again,” Tsuyoshi teased.

 

“Somehow I have trouble sleeping alone,” Koichi admitted, feeling a bit stupid.

“You’re such a spoilt brat, you know.”

“Hai,” Koichi grinned.

“Well, seems you can afford it, seeing how people will just instantly comply with your every wish,” the younger boy mused.

“Yup,” Koichi agreed, “I’m totally lucky.”

 

“I wonder…” Tsuyoshi dragged out mysteriously.

“What?” Koichi wanted to know.

“Would you grant me a wish too?” Tsuyoshi asked.

The older boy blinked. “What?” he wanted to know.

“Tell me something,” Tsuyoshi requested simply.

There was a pause as Koichi blinked again. “Ano… you mean, tell you about what happened today?”

 

“No, not something like that,” Tsuyoshi opposed. “I… just something you’ve seen, or heard,” he explained. “Something you found interesting.”

“Why?” Koichi asked, a bit confused.

“Can’t you?” the younger boy pleaded.

“Well,” Koichi mused, licking his lips as he tried to remember anything that would fit the request. Then a thought hit him. “Oh, I’ve read something today.”

“What?” Tsuyoshi asked.

 

“Well, it was an article in a magazine I read at a shooting site today,” Koichi explained. “They made some experiments – I don’t really know for what anymore. But in the article it said that water was actually one of the hardest surfaces you could imagine. I was really surprised, because isn’t it only too easy to put your hand into it and move it? Or to just put water into any form that you would like. It seems so… soft. But in reality, when you hit it, it will be as hard as ultra-high performance concrete.”

 

There was a long pause and Koichi wondered whether he was supposed to say something else, but then Tsuyoshi spoke up again.

“That is indeed surprising,” he agreed. “Who would have thought?”

“It’s kinda cool, right?”

“Yeah,” Tsuyoshi said lowly. “Anything else?”

“What?”

“Do you have anything else to tell me?” Tsuyoshi insisted.

 

“Well,” Koichi mumbled. “I’m afraid other than that I can only relate about the F1 weekend,” he said apologetically.

“Okay, let me hear it,” Tsuyoshi told him.

“What?” Koichi blinked in surprise. “But… you’re not interested in that, are you?”

“I might want to give it a try,” Tsuyoshi replied. “Tell me about it.”

Finding this change in Tsuyoshi’s attitude odd he started to relate about what he saw on TV the previous weekend. Tsuyoshi had him go on for over an hour, before Koichi yawned, feeling totally exhausted.

 

“Tsuyoshi,” Koichi mumbled. “I’m sorry, but it’s really late and I’m so tired. And don’t you have work tomorrow?”

A short pause. Then, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks. It was good talking to you.”

“Well, I did most of the talking,” Koichi told him.

A mild huff at the other end. “Then it was good hearing your voice, “Tsuyoshi concluded. “Thank you anyway. Oyasumi.”

“Oyasumi,” Koichi replied, hanging up and looking at his phone sceptically.

Nagase came back into the room. He had left after giving up on trying to pry Koichi away from the phone for about 20 minutes.

 

“Trouble?” the taller boy wanted to know.

“No,” Koichi said, shaking his head, then tilted it slightly. “I don’t know,” he finally stated, shrugging helplessly.

“Hn, maybe he’s feeling lonely all by himself,” Nagase mused. “And being parted from you too.”

Koichi nodded. “Yeah, he tends to feel uneasy on his own. Maybe I can visit him some time next week.”

“That might be good,” Nagase agreed. “Listen,” he continued. “I’ve set up your futon here. It’s okay, right?”

 

“Of course,” Koichi smiled at him. “Thanks a lot.”

“Not a problem,” Nagase smiled at him. “You two are actually quite similar.”

 Koichi blinked at him.

“Well,” Nagase explained, “you too came here because you didn’t want to be alone, right?”

Koichi thought on that, then started to chuckle lightly. “There might be something to that. Again, thank you,” he offered, smiling. “Oya.”

“Oyasumi na,” Nagase answered before retreating into his own room.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________


Right, that's it for now. No KinKi interation. Well, not really. The phone call gave me a sad feeling. I've created Tsuyoshi's character from my personal experience here. I wonder if some of you could already tell, but this is the start of Tsuyoshi's "panic disorder" story-line. It's a very prominent issue to me since my little brother suffers from this illness too. So I'm writing on my experience with living with a person suffering from it. Hope you liked, next chapter will be cheerier again. (I hope. Again, you just never know what they'll end up doing. -_-"  )