Addicted to LOVE - Chapter 7: The art of gaining trust

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: Koichi/Tackey, Tsuyoshi/Shinji
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: Swearing, groping, mentions of sex
Multi-Chapter


Intro: After their little encounter Koichi and Tsuyoshi both have to face changes in their other relationships. Tackey comes into the scene again and causes some trouble and Tsuyoshi and Shinji have to decide how they want to move on...


Note: UPDATE!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry, minna! Please, be patient with me. My new working schedule totally wears me out right now. I'm expecting that in about a two week's time I'll be able to continue as before. It's already geting better. Thus, this little something. QUite honestly, I don't like the solution between Koichi and Tackey. Although... if anyone, only they could work with such simple logics. XD I love the scene between Tsuyoshi and Shinji, though. Somehow it feels very harmoneous to me. Hope you enjoy it. ^^





“Oh. Koichi.”
Koichi frowned at the loud voice disturbing him.
“Koichi? Hey, Koichi?”
He shifted and winced. His entire body was aching.
“Now, now, just stay there, okay? I’ll get a doctor.”




Doctor?




Koichi blinked his eyes open, immediately screwing them shut again with a displeased sound as bright light hit him as stinging.




What ever is happening now?




“Yes, please check on him. He only just woke up.”




Macchin?




“Domoto-san, can you hear me?”
Koichi frowned again at the unfamiliar, disturbing voice.
“Please, open your eyes.”
The second try was a bit easier for Koichi and slowly he found a focus. His other senses kicked back in as well. He was definitely lying somewhere and his body ached. It smelled like… hospital. As he shifted his gaze he could see a rather tall figure standing in front of him, glad in a white coat.
“Can you tell me your full name?” the man asked.
“Ano…” Koichi mumbled, looking as though he was really concentrating very hard on the answer to that question. “Domoto Koichi,” he finally rasped out.




“Very good,” the man said with a nod. “Do you have any idea about the current date?”
“Mh… wasn’t it the 24th of March?”
“Close enough,” the white-clad man commented. “Well, Domoto-san, if you feel like you can…”
“And who are you?” Koichi asked back irritatedly, if still weakly.
The man blinked in surprise, but Koichi could hear a soft chuckle from the back of the room. He stretched his neck carefully and saw Machida standing in a corner, trying to suppress his laughter.
“I am your doctor,” the man explained. “Yamamoto.”
“Koichi-kun still has his charm,” Machida commented merrily.




Koichi smiled weakly. Then he focused completely on Machida.
“Oi,” he called out. “What happened?”
“You passed out,” Machida explained. “Nervous break down.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Koichi sighed, sounding rather annoyed with himself. Then his eyes shot open. “Hold on. What day is it?”
“It’s the 25th today,” Machida answered.
“Time?” Koichi asked immediately.
Machida hesitated for a second, but then answered.
“It’s 11:30.”




“Oh my god, then we have to get going,” Koichi decided, already flinging away his sheets and sitting up.
“I thought you’d say something like that,” Machida sighed. “But listen, wouldn’t it be better to cancel for today? The doctor said you’ve over-exhausted yourself, so…”
“It’s only a few more days,” Koichi told him sternly. “We’re not cancelling now. I promise, I’ll have a longer holiday once we’re done, but I have to finish the shows. I want to.”
Machida looked at him, feeling a bit torn. But then he nodded.
“Okay, I understand,” he told Koichi. “We’ll support you, of course.”




“Ano… excuse me, but… you’re not going anywhere,” Yamamoto finally cut in again. “Domoto-san, you need to rest.”
“I have a full house in about two hours,” Koichi told him. “And I have to be there and perform.”
“Domoto-san, you just had a break-down. It happened because you keep exhausting yourself. There are…”
“Yeah, I’ll be back on Friday, or something,” Koichi waved him off. “Macchin, go call Yone. Get the entire crew. We have to at least get a warm up. I’ll call the agency for a car.”
“You had better order a bus,” Machida told him, a grin spreading on his face.




Koichi blinked at him. “Huh?”
“There’s nobody I have to call,” the younger man explained. “Everyone is here.”
“What do you mean?” Koichi asked, confused.
“Well, we gathered here this morning,” Machida explained. “We wanted to see how you are doing. And if it was in any way possible to bring the show onto stage without you, should you not wake up in time. We’ve been discussing that a lot.”
“Where is everyone, then?”
“Oh, we were actually waiting outside. I just…” Machida blushed. “Well, I wanted to use the restroom, so…”




Koichi smiled happily. “Why, all the better if everybody is here. We can split into groups and drive to the theatre straight from here.”
“Domoto-san,” Yamamoto cut in once more. “You cannot leave.”
Koichi inspected him closely. He knew it wasn’t exactly wise to anger the doctor in charge, but he didn’t have time for arguing, so he simply gave the man his best glare.
“Will you tie me to the bed?” he asked flatly. “Because that’s what you would have to do. Can you force me to stay here?”




The doctor gulped. “Well… No, I can’t force you. But you will have to sign a form that says you’re leaving at your own risk.”
“That’s not a problem,” Koichi waved him off. “Get me that form, I need to leave as quickly as possible.”
Apparently very displeased the other man turned around to get Koichi the form in question.
“Is it really okay?” Machida asked carefully. “To leave like this?”
“I’m feeling fine,” Koichi told him with a smile, grabbing his clothes and dressing himself quickly. “I guess I… over-did it a bit. I’ll be careful.”




“Koichi…” Machida said softly. “Did… something happen?”
“Something did,” Koichi confirmed. “But let’s do that later,” he decided, opening the door of his room.
Once outside he blinked as he saw the people sitting in the lounge.
“Koichi-kun,” Matsuzaki called out, jumping up from his seat. “How are you doing? Are you okay?”
Koichi almost jumped back as most of the others closed in on him too. He could hear many “how are you?”s and “what happened?”s and frowned trying to make some sense of all the voices calling out to him.




“Guys,” he dragged out, “too much. Please… what are you doing here anyway?”
“Checking on you, of course,” Yonehana shrugged. “When I heard you were here I was so worried I came running right here… and met everybody else,” he finished with a sheepish grin.
Koichi took another look into the circle of people. On second glance he made out an almost unfittingly tall figure.
“Tomo,” he mumbled.
“Really, Koichi,” Nagase said with a frown. “You should take better care of yourself.”




“Yes,” Koichi agreed. “I’m sorry to have all of you so worried.”
“Mah, it’s okay,” Machida said, walking up behind him. “Ne?”
“But really, Koichi, don’t do that again,” Fukuda said, sounding bothered. “We totally didn’t know what to do.”
“I’m sorry, you guys,” Koichi said earnestly. “I… I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so… I’m really sorry. I will not trouble you again.”
“But… what did the doctor say?” Yonehana asked. “Can we go?”
“We’re on our way,” Koichi confirmed with a nod.




“Koichi, make sure you eat before you go on stage,” Nagase told his friend.
“Where should I get something decent to eat now?” the other man asked irritatedly.
“Ano…” Tatsumi muttered out. “I… I brought some Katsudon. Nothing special, but…”
“You brought food?” Nagase asked in disbelief.
“Well, since Koichi doesn’t eat well usually…” the boy explained.
“Woah, cool!” Koichi exclaimed, grabbing the box Tatsumi was holding. “Thank you so much.”
“Okay, can we go then?” Machida asked, looking around the group.
“Yes,” Koichi decided. “Let’s get going. We have a show to perform.”



_____________________________________________________________________________________________




Koichi bit his lip nervously. He knew it would be awkward. Beyond awkward. Even though he was happy he and Tsuyoshi had finally sorted themselves out, he knew that it might be difficult to pretend nothing really happened – at least in front of others. For a moment there, he thought it might be better to wait until he could be sure he and Tsuyoshi were alone again. But somehow it seemed off, which was bad, because off could easily mean suspicious. It had already been a bad sign that Tsuyoshi had not been among the people waiting for him in hospital. Yet, even so, he had to let him know that he was doing okay and that there was no need to worry. Taking another deep breath, Koichi finally rang the door bell. A mere moment later, a pair of surprised and confused eyes inspected him.




“Koichi-kun…” Shinji acknowledged him weakly.
“Hi,” Koichi answered simply. “Is Tsuyoshi here?”
The other merely nodded. “How are you doing?” he asked suddenly.
Koichi blinked, but then smiled. “I’m actually feeling quite fine, thank you.”
“Why, that’s good to hear,” Shinji answered and the next second his fist connected violently with Koichi’s stomach.
Koichi gasped, tumbling back a bit, trying to keep his ground.
“Asshole,” Shinji spat at him, as he fell over after all, sitting on the floor.




That was when the door opened a bit more and Tsuyoshi’s face appeared in the frame, a shocked expression coming to it when he spotted Koichi on the floor.
“What the fuck?!” he yelled, not too gently pushing Shinji aside to help Koichi back up and support him a bit. He glared at his lover. “What are you doing?” he demanded.
“He’s the fucker,” Shinji bit out sharply. “He likes playing rough and I can provide that.”
“Very mature,” Tsuyoshi spit out. “Get back inside. We’ll talk about that later.”
“What if I don’t?” Shinji dared stubbornly.




“Then get the fuck lost for all I care,” Tsuyoshi yelled out. “What on earth is wrong with you?! He was only just dismissed from hospital. If you have to take this out on anyone, do it with me. He’s no more at fault than I am.”
“Right… I see you’re very busy taking care of your… whatever he is to you now,” Shinji retorted, sounding flat, but there were tears shining in his eyes. “Never worry. I’ll butt out and never bother you again.” He turned back to Koichi once more. “I won’t be in your way anymore.”
And with that he left. Tsuyoshi cursed silently under his breath, but even so helped Koichi into the house, seating him on the big living room couch.




“You should go after him,” Koichi told him, sounding guilty.
“No point,” the other sighed. “At least not right now.”
“I thought you didn’t want to tell him,” Koichi tried carefully.
“I’m no good at keeping secrets,” Tsuyoshi shrugged. “Least of all from him.”
Koichi sighed. As he looked at Tsuyoshi he too had to bite back on tears.
“Tsuyoshi,” he mumbled out guiltily. “Please, I… I never wanted to… I want you to be happy. I didn’t want to put your relationship in danger.”
“I’m the one who put everything at stake when I accepted you,” Tsuyoshi explained to him. “There is no point in blaming you especially.”




For a while they said nothing. Koichi started to fidget with his fingers nervously.
“Tsu…” he almost whispered out after a while.
“Hm?”
“Are you…? Would you like to be together?” the older one finally asked. “With me?”
Tsuyoshi sighed. “No point in pretending anymore, is there? If you were willing… I’d definitely try it.”
“Why did you never say anything?” Koichi wanted to know.
“What do you mean, why did I never say anything?” Tsuyoshi demanded. “I did. I told you.”




Koichi blinked at him. “Right,” he mumbled. “But then… I mean, later you said…”
“What should I have told you?” Tsuyoshi wanted to know. “That I am hopelessly in love with you? How would you have felt around me, then, huh? I didn’t want things to be awkward.”
“You rather let your feelings dwell inside of you,” Koichi analysed. “Do you think that’s better?”
“I manage alright,” Tsuyoshi explained. “I mean, it’s true, if you told me that you wanted to try it, I’d be with you. But… I don’t know how to explain… I’m not waiting for something like that to happen. Like, today things are perfectly fine as they are. Really, there is no uncomfortable feeling when I’m with you. Or that special yearning, or anything. I… I could love Shinji as I wanted to.”




“And yet you answered my advances,” Koichi reminded him.
“I did,” Tsuyoshi admitted. “Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“Do you think he won’t take you back?” Koichi asked, sounding bothered.
“Quite honestly, I don’t know whether I want him back now,” the other told him. “I mean, after the stunt he just pulled… not to mention…”
“Not to mention what?” Koichi asked, blinking.
“You didn’t hear him before,” Tsuyoshi said, sounding hurt. “The things he said to me… I don’t know if I can love someone who degraded me like that.”




“What did he say?” Koichi demanded, eyes sparkling.
“Relax,” Tsuyoshi waved him off. “I deserve being dissed. I realise that. It’s just that it’s difficult for me to forget… that he thought of me in such a way. And I wonder if I can go on… as we were before.”
Koichi looked to the ground. “That’s sad. But then… if you both did something like that… can’t you maybe…?”
“I don’t know,” Tsuyoshi told him. “I’ll talk to him later.”
“And now?” Koichi wanted to know.
“Well… why are you here?” Tsuyoshi asked, looking at him with gleaming eyes.




“I came to tell you that I’m sorry to have bothered you so,” Koichi said silently. “That I’m okay and that you need not worry about me.”
“I always worry about you,” Tsuyoshi answered.
Koichi nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I realised that quite a lot of people are worried about me. You, Macchin, Yone, Matsu, Fukuda, Tatsumi, Koshioka… I guess I failed to see that there are people around me who actually do love me.”
“Not to mention Ken-san, Johnny, Tomo…”




“I get it,” Koichi said exasperatedly. Then he sighed, calming again. “You know, all this time I always thought you were the only one who really cared for me. When everybody came to see me in hospital,” Koichi saw Tsuyoshi flinching slightly at the mentioning of the hospital, “I was so surprised that they came to make sure I’ll be okay. I mean, I always liked them and appreciated them as colleagues. But I never dared to think they’d actually like me… as a person.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t visit,” Tsuyoshi mumbled.
“Well, at least you must have brought me there,” Koichi suggested.
“I felt… guilty,” Tsuyoshi told him. “Like it would be inappropriate to stay with you, when I already wronged Shinji so much.”




“I understand,” Koichi assured the other. “But really, why did you tell him?”
“He knew,” Tsuyoshi sighed out. “I don’t know whether it was all over my face or if things just added up after me being late yet again. At any rate, he asked me directly and then I just couldn’t… lie to him…”
Koichi sighed. “I see. Some rotten timing.”
“You can say that again,” Tsuyoshi laughed humourlessly.
“Tsu, I’m sorry about that,” Koichi said earnestly.
“As I said, I’m the one who took the risk,” the other stated firmly. “You are no more at fault than I am. Maybe not even quite as much.”




“Come on now,” Koichi dragged out.
“You were desperate and needed to be taken care of,” Tsuyoshi analysed. “I could have brought you to someone who could have done just that. Instead I… I did that.”
“Ne, Tsu?”
“Hm?”
“Was it something you wanted to do?” Koichi asked carefully.
“Yes,” the other answered directly. “I told you I like you.”




“Yeah, you said that. But you also just said that it was okay – you know, with us just being colleagues. So, why?” Koichi demanded.
“I don’t know. Somehow… the feeling never faded,” Tsuyoshi shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to take that one chance to see how it would have been…”
Koichi laughed lightly, shaking his head. “I wonder whether this is actually tragic, or funny.”
“What do you mean?” Tsuyoshi asked, raising a brow.
“You know,” the other said, smiling mysteriously, “some time after I turned you down, I…”




“Ano… sumimasen,” a voice cut into the conversation.
Both men looked up to see Tackey’s form standing in the door frame.
“I’m sorry,” Tackey said apologetically. “I knocked, but nobody opened. When I tried the door it was open, so I got in.”
“It’s okay,” Tsuyoshi waved him off. “Have a seat and…”
“No, you don’t understand,” Tackey interrupted yet again. “When I opened the door… I’m afraid your dog slipped out.”
Tsuyoshi jumped up immediately. “Ken-chan!”
And with that he was out the door and out the house, looking for his dog. That, naturally, left Tackey and Koichi alone together.




“Uhm… I’m sorry about the other day,” Tackey mumbled out, scratching his arm nervously.
Koichi merely shrugged.
“Really,” Tackey continued, sounding guilty, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know why I did that, even though…”
“I slept with Tsuyoshi,” Koichi suddenly shot out, looking daringly at the other. “After you turned me down, I went to visit Tomo. He didn’t feel much like it, so I visited Tsuyoshi in his studio and we had sex there.”
Tackey looked at him, not really knowing what to make of that information.




“I… do things like that,” Koichi sighed out. “I don’t care who will do it to me, so long as I get it. You didn’t want me, so I went to someone else. I don’t even care about being safe most of the time. I just fuck as I can.” His eyes watered slightly as he continued. “You must have heard the rumours. What they say about me. Well, I guess it’s true. I’m a slut. How could you love someone like that?”
Tackey stared at him wide-eyed. Then his eyes turned sad. He understood what Koichi was doing and why he did it. Not knowing what else to do he simply grabbed the other and hugged him tightly. It was Koichi’s time to stare in surprise.




“It’s okay,” Tackey told him. “I don’t care.”
“How can you not care?” Koichi screeched out, apparently fighting back tears.
“I just don’t,” Tackey stated firmly. “I got to know you like that. Just meeting up for an uncomplicated fuck. I won’t deny that I came to you for that. And of course I’d heard that it’s not exactly difficult to get a go. But then, something happened. When I touched you I felt… different. So, even though it wasn’t like this from the beginning, I like you now.”
“I… I’ve never loved someone,” Koichi said helplessly.
“About time, then,” Tackey decided, pulling back enough to look at the other. “If you want to give it a try.”




Koichi bit his lip. He was scared. Even though he knew there was no reason. He did not doubt Tackey’s words. Not in the slightest.
“And I guess we’re even in Tsuyoshi’s consulting as well,” Tackey continued.
Koichi merely blinked at him.
“He told you I like you?” the other guessed.
A weak guilty nod was all Koichi could produce as an answer.
“I see,” Tackey sighed. “Well, I rather would have told you myself, really. But then, he told me a thing or two about you as well… Ouji-san.”
Koichi flinched at the nickname. “Why did he do that?” he complained.




“Same reason why he told you that I like you,” Tackey told him. “He’s worried about you. I’ll live with it. How about you?”
Koichi considered the other for a while. “Is it really that simple?”
“All that simple,” Tackey told him. “Look.”
With that he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Koichi’s lips. Much to his surprise he found the soft petals answering the call and nipping at him carefully.
“I guess we owe Tsuyoshi-san,” Tackey suggested.
“I’ll get a bouquet,” Koichi mumbled before claiming the other’s lips again, feeling pleased as he felt the other chuckling.




_______________________________________________________________________________________________




“There you are,” Shinji sighed out, flopping down on the swing next to Tsuyoshi.
The other man merely grunted his acknowledgement. He felt a slightly warm feeling inside at the fact that his lover had found him. He used to sit in this park a lot when he wanted to be alone, or sort out his thoughts. Shinji was a very understanding person, never pushing him when he said he wanted to be alone and deal with himself. Even so Shinji still had a unique feeling of when Tsuyoshi actually wanted to be found. And Shinji had found him alright. It made Tsuyoshi feel even more guilty. There wasn’t a better man for him on earth and he knew it and yet he had almost dismissively risked everything they had for a mere fling. Even if it was with Koichi and it had been on his mind a lot, in retrospective he found that it had totally not been worth it.




“Are you mad at me?” Shinji asked, swinging back and forth slightly, with his feet still on the ground.
“I’m the one who cheated,” Tsuyoshi stated simply, gazing up at the glowing stars.
“True,” the other man sighed. “And really, I never would have thought you’d actually do that. I took you for the kind who cleaned up their business before starting a new one.”
“I… there is no business with me and Koichi,” Tsuyoshi explained.
“Oh no?”
“Maybe…” Tsuyoshi mused, starting to swing slightly as well, “if we’d talked to each other earlier, if we had considered and listened to each other… Then maybe there would have developed something.”




“Are you telling me that you have no feelings for him now?” Shinji asked sarcastically.
“I still love him,” Tsuyoshi answered readily, stilling his movements again. “But… what did we do? We just met randomly and had a somewhat desperate quickie on a dirty couch. That’s not exactly something I think of when considering romance. Koichi and I are just not gonna happen. We passed our chance and that’s that. Too many things happened between him and me… And between you and me,” he added silently.
Shinji stiffened slightly at that, halting his movements. “You and me?” he asked, sounding insecure all of a sudden.




Finally Tsuyoshi turned his head to look at the other. “Do you think I took you as the next best thing? That I… I don’t know, kept thinking of Koichi when I slept with you? That I actually have no feelings for you?”
“If you’re saying that’s not the case,” Shinji analysed sceptically, “then what am I to you?”
“You are…” He broke off. “I don’t know how to say this. You’re just… important.”
“Important…” the other repeated thoughtfully. “Just not as important as Koichi.”
“I’m not saying that,” Tsuyoshi opposed. “I just…”




“It was important to you to do that,” Shinji suggested.
“Yes,” the other answered.
Shinji winced. “Why do you have to say stuff like that?”
“As I said before, I don’t want to lie to you,” Tsuyoshi shrugged.
“Honesty is way over-rated,” Shinji snorted. “If it’s about Koichi, I’d rather you lied to me.”
“I see,” Tsuyoshi answered.
“So, will you stop loving him?” Shinji asked determinedly.
“No.”




The taller man sighed, but couldn’t help a grin. “I see,” he said with a nod. “But will you at least stop flirting with him?”
“No.”
“You’re not exactly helping me to find a good reason to forgive you,” Shinji told him.
“Who said I’ll forgive you?” Tsuyoshi asked, clicking his tongue and starting to swing again.
“So you are mad at me,” Shinji sighed.
“Do I have to remind you what you called me? The things you said to me?”
“No,” Shinji said silently.




A longer silence spread between them and Tsuyoshi feared that if neither of them said anything any time soon, one of them would just get up and leave and they would never see each other again. It was certainly not as drastic, but the feeling drove Tsuyoshi mad. He fumbled in his jacket, producing a small package.
Shinji’s eyes grew wide with shock. “Hey, you… you’re not allowed. That stuff makes you sick.”
“Shut up,” Tsuyoshi mumbled around the cigarette he had already put between his lips, lighting it with ease and taking a big drag, making the tip glow in bright orange.




“The idea was stuck in my head,” he finally spoke up, taking the cigarette between deft fingers. “I never got rid of the thought… It was stupid. I should have eliminated all of that when I chose you. But somehow I was afraid of letting go.” He put the cigarette between his lips, dragging again. “Koichi was the one person I could always rely on. I kept that image of him that no matter what, he was still the only one, when talking about forever – or whatever we associate with that.” He made a short pause, tapping the ash off his cigarette. “I regret that now. I also regret that I gave in when I was given the chance. It was totally not worth it. If I could turn back time…” Another long drag. “Well, I guess there’s no good in dwelling on such thoughts, but I’d undo it if I could.”




“You keep doing bad things,” Shinji said, still eyeing the cigarette with disregard.
“I’m that kind of man,” Tsuyoshi told him simply.
Shinji sighed, getting up. For a second Tsuyoshi feared that his earlier thoughts would become reality, but then he noticed that the other was not leaving, but coming closer. With deft fingers he picked a cigarette from the package Tsuyoshi was still holding. Tsuyoshi eyed him interestedly, but said nothing. When Shinji crouched down next to him, he wordlessly lit the small stick and Shinji got up again, taking a drag.
“Been a while,” he analysed, eyeing the item between his fingers.
“Mh,” Tsuyoshi acknowledged, bringing his own cigarette up again as well.




“So… do you want to break up?” Shinji asked directly.
Another silence filled the air between them. It was still heavy, but not as gloomy as it had been before.
“No,” Tsuyoshi finally stated.
Shinji just nodded at him. “I’m sorry,” he finally stated. “You know… about our fight.”
“I deserved a good beating,” Tsuyoshi told him, “even though it was just a verbal one.”
“I don’t usually…” the other mumbled, obviously ashamed.




“I know,” Tsuyoshi nodded. “As I said, I guess I asked for it. I still wonder whether you can actually forgive me.”
“I can certainly,” Shinji told him. “Just, do I want to?”
“Do you?”
“Tsuyoshi… Give me a single reason, or just a word of why I should believe you’ll love me well.”
“Koichi…” Tsuyoshi mumbled out, “suggested we give it a try.”
Shinji’s eyes widened at that.




“But when I understood what he wanted to say,” the other continued, “I realised that… you are the one. When I’m feeling down I want you to hold me, when my meds make me sick I want you to pat my head and say it’s gonna be okay, when I feel lonely I want you next to me making me feel alive. If it’s not you… it’s no good.”
“He did not say anything like that,” Shinji claimed.
“Maybe not,” Tsuyoshi said casually, “but I totally could have talked him around.”
“But you didn’t,” Shinji analysed.
“That is indeed true, but that’s not the core of my point,” Tsuyoshi told him.
“And what is the core of your point, then?”




“I didn’t do it… because I didn’t want it,” Tsuyoshi explained. “I want… you. Even though it sounds more than plain – not to mention ridiculous considering what I did – and I hardly deserve you. Hardly did in the first place and now… I mean, you could do so much better. I know I have no right… asking your forgiveness – I just want to tell you that I’m sincerely sorry, that what I did was stupid and I regret it with a passion. I mean, I know you are…”
And then Tsuyoshi was silent. Warm lips were pressing against his, coaxing him into soft playing. When his mouth was released again, he found Shinji grinning at him.




“You’re cute when you stutter desperately,” he stated.
“No way,” Tsuyoshi whispered out.
“What can I say?” Shinji asked with a shrug, still grinning. “Same as you, I’m afraid I won’t learn.”
Tsuyoshi chuckled softly at that. “Ne, Shinji…”
“Hm?”
“Ano… hold me?”
A soft smile appeared on Shinji’s face and Tsuyoshi closed his eyes, sighing happily as he felt warm arms closing around him, holding him tight. Finally, he was home. And just very vaguely he hoped that Koichi would find the same thing.



_____________________________________________________________________________________________




“Look at us, now,” Koichi sighed, as he put on his shirt again. “We did it, after all.”
“So?” Tackey grinned.
“It’s still not really a relationship,” the older man pointed out.
“My, getting demanding again, are we?” the other said amusedly. “How about we take one step at a time?”
“That sounds nice,” Koichi admitted with a smile. “Just… I don’t really know how to walk.”
“I do,” Tackey told him. “For starters, I know the way to a good restaurant. How about we go there?”




Koichi merely blinked at him. “For lunch?”
“For a date, stupid,” Tackey chuckled.
“A… date?” Koichi spelled the word like it was something alien.
Tackey blinked in surprise when he saw Koichi’s eyes gleaming with liquid.
“Sorry,” Koichi mumbled out, wiping his eyes. “Okay, that’s definitely a candidate for my top three embarrassing moments.”
Tackey chuckled lightly at that.
“It’s just that… I’ve never been asked on a date before,” Koichi explained.




The other stared, wide-eyed. “But… you’re 32… You’ve never been on a date?!”
Koichi merely shook his head.
“Well, then it’s definitely about time,” the younger man decided. “Out of a mere curiosity… what are your other most embarrassing moments?”
“Oh, well, one was when I messed up the intro to a song and started early.”
“Well, that happens,” Tackey shrugged.




“Yeah,” Koichi sighed, grinning sheepishly. “Just that at the time I was sick, so I had the playback running. So, what happened was the following. I held the mic to my mouth, as though I would sing, but it was turned off, so no sound would come out. And then the intro was over and the playback set in.”
Tackey blinked for a moment, then smiled amusedly, and not too long after started to laugh heartily.
“Okay, that’s a good one,” he admitted.




“Stop laughing,” Koichi demanded, blushing. “That was one of the most embarrassing mistakes I made on stage. It unsettled me so much, when they then turned off the playback and I had to sing live, I messed up the lyrics.”
Tackey’s laughter became harder, he was holding his stomach, squirming.
“I said stop laughing,” Koichi pouted, watching the other as he rolled about on the sofa.
As he kept watching the picture, a smile tugged at his lips, spreading into a grin before he joined the other in laughing heartily.




“That,” Tackey gasped out, still giggling, “is one of the best epic fail stories ever.”
“Yeah, well, what can I say? Something like that will only happen to me,” Koichi chuckled.
“I doubt it,” the other told him, slowly calming down again. “But when it’s you… it’s not nearly as pathetic as it would sound basically. It’s actually cute.”
“I apologised properly too,” Koichi stated. “Plus, Tsuyoshi was so amused, we had an extra 30 minutes of mere slap-stick entertainment.”
“Oh, trust Tsuyoshi to know how to exploit such an act properly,” Tackey said.
“You can say that again,” Koichi agreed. “Well, he’s just like that. I like that about him, though.”
“What?”




“That… he doesn’t go `Oh, poor Kou, let me pat your head´,” Koichi explained. “He’s cool. He really supports my always, but he never takes over things he knows I can handle myself.”
“He’s a good man,” Tackey agreed.
“The best,” Koichi stated.
“What about me?” Tackey wanted to know.
“You…” Koichi mused. “You are the best… for me.”
“Okay, I’ll reconsider what I said about the epic fail thing,” Tackey said, rolling his eyes. “Try again.”




“What?!” Koichi demanded. “That was sweet.”
“Corny,” Tackey opposed. “Not to mention old. Only an old man would say that to the one he’s been married to for many years.”
“Well,” Koichi scoffed, stemming his hands in his hips, “if I’m too much of an old man for you that’s gonna be a problem, because I’m just like that. Just let me tell you, it makes me feel so off, telling other people how I feel. The statement alone was totally embarrassing, so you had better appreciate it. If you can’t, this is never gonna work.”




“So, you’re saying that I’d have to listen to sappy lines that you think are romantic and be grateful you blurt them out at all,” Tackey analysed.
“That’s the deal,” the other confirmed.
“Well, considering that you give really good head…” Tackey mused.
“You’re comparing things like that?” Koichi asked in disbelief.




“I’m weighing the cons and pros,” the younger man shrugged. Then a grin spread on his face. “I think the pros win. Even when you’re being completely uncharming, you’re still cute. Plus, I think I’ll like your grumpy-morning-face,” he winked.
“I’m gonna kill Tsuyoshi next time I see him,” Koichi grumbled out angrily.
Tackey merely laughed. “Come on. If it weren’t for him, this totally would not have happened.”
“Definitely not,” Koichi agreed.




“You know,” Tackey said with a soft smile. “I learned so many things about you, even when we spent so little time together. Don’t get me wrong, I heard your story and I’m sure it must have been very hard on you. But if you just let people in a bit more easily, you might be surprised how welcoming they’re gonna approach you. I never even noticed you before. I didn’t know a thing about you. But there are many things to know and like about you, you know.”
“Thanks,” Koichi smiled back. “Maybe… I’ll try to make some new friends. And strengthen my bond to the ones I have already.”
“I think that goes to the pro side too,” Tackey grinned.
“To the `head´-side,” Koichi joked.




“Exactly,” the younger man chuckled.
“Well,” Koichi said, slinging his arms around his lover playfully, “I’ll make very sure that this list is gonna be very… long…”
“My, my, someone’s determined,” Tackey said amusedly as he let himself be pulled in for a soft kiss.
“Uhn,” Koichi confirmed. “And once I set my mind on something, I won’t give up until I achieve it.”
“And what exactly is your goal?” Tackey asked, raising a brow.
“Making you happy,” Koichi grinned.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, done. ^^ Well, Koichi's story is not all the way finished just yet. Tsuyoshi seems to be okay, though, and I'm really happy about that. I hope you liked it. Please, look forward to the final chapter. ^^

Chapter 6

Chapter 8 (FINAL)