authors_paradise | Addicted to LOVE - Chapter 5: The art of handling the truth

Pairing: Koichi/multiple, Tsuyoshi/Takeda Shinji
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own KinKi Kids, or anything JE-related
Warnings: Swearing, angst
Multi-Chapter

Notes: What can I say? I hate cliffhangers. So, posting again already. So that my dear

lilly0 will have something to read in her lecture. ^_~ I wonder what you'll think of it. I also want to place a not for my dear

yukitsubute . The reason why I picked Yoko in that one situation was that he was involved with the other characters at the time, not because I think he's particularly nasty. Actually, it's important to me to put that straight in general. There were random names in my head. I could replace them all, but for Nagase, obviously. Oh, you'll see.

Intro: What is Koichi's story? As Tsuyoshi relates, his story shows how certain things can take on their very own dynamics when nobody interferes into them.

EDIT: I forgot: The quotes I'm using at the beginning of the flashback, are lines taken from KinKi in various situations.

*flashback*

I’ve never been invited out to dinner, or had someone say to me let’s have a drink after this.

Koichi flipped through the pages of his F1 magazine lazily. He was pretty happy that the show was over. He hated hosting. Time and time again he was already wondering how he would handle things if they ever got a show to host on their own. Tsuyoshi was supportive, yes, but hardly one to initiate talking. Why he was the one who was supposed to do that he really didn’t know, but he did too know that it was absolutely not fair. But then, with Johnny having such confidence in him, he had to give it his best in order to not disappoint his boss. Or his partner, for that matter. In the corner of his eye he could see people moving. Everybody was leaving and he sighed, feeling relieved. It always felt like he was forced to entertain people when they were around, just because he knew the set.

He looked up slightly, nodding his head towards the Coming Century boys.
“Otsukare-sama desu,” he said politely.
He got three nods in return and then went back to reading.
“Ah, Tsuyoshi,” Koichi heard Okada address his partner. “Listen, we’re going for Ramen. You coming?”
Tsuyoshi seemed to hesitate a bit. Whether it was because of Okada’s weird hushed voice, or because he was pondering if he was actually hungry, Koichi could not know. But he listened to the conversation very carefully.

“Well, okay,” Tsuyoshi finally decided. “Just…”
“Ssssshshhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” Okada hissed out.
“What?” Tsuyoshi asked, now in a hushed voice as well.
“It’s…” Okada mumbled. “Look, we’d really like you to join. Just… can you try to lose your company?”
Another pause.
“Koichi?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? Can’t I ask him along?”

Koichi tensed visibly. For one because of the topic those two were discussing, but for another also because Tsuyoshi sounded pretty bothered.
“Tsuyoshi,” Okada whispered, “I really like you. You’re a cool guy. But your… band-mate is a pain.”

If you don’t like Koichi, never bother with me either.

“Well, he’s a bit strange sometimes,” Tsuyoshi told his friend and that stung in Koichi’s heart, more than he would have thought. “But it’s just because he’s shy. If he could get to know you a bit better…”
“Yeah, thanks, but no thanks,” Okada retorted.
“What’s wrong with Koichi?” Tsuyoshi hissed out.
“Oh come on.” Koichi could almost physically feel the boy’s eyes rolling. “He’s… totally strange. He talks about strange things and other than that he’s creepily silent – unless he can lecture you, that is. Plus… well, you know how it is.”

“No,” Tsuyoshi scoffed out. “How is it?”
“Well, Johnny’s like all over him all the time,” Okada explained reluctantly.
“And?” Tsuyoshi asked, now sounding quite angry.
“Oh, you know… he’s just a spoilt brat. Whatever he wants, Johnny will present him with it. Plus, you can’t know what kind of stuff he’d tell Johnny about us.”
“So you’re jealous,” Tsuyoshi analysed flatly.

At that point there was a pause on Okada’s part. Koichi couldn’t help the grin coming to his face. It still hurt how other people excluded him because Johnny was being especially attentive to him, but the way in which Tsuyoshi stood up for him made him really happy.
“That’s not…” Okada began, but then started over. “Look, this is pointless. Are you coming, or not?”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Tsuyoshi told the other coldly. “See you.”
“Yeah, see you.”

Koichi thought Okada had sounded a bit reluctant at the last statement, but he really couldn’t care less. He relaxed visibly once the V6 boy was out the door. As Tsuyoshi came back, Koichi acted as if he hadn’t heard what had been going on between those two. The younger boy acted pretty much casual too, collecting his stuff and grabbing his bag. Once he was done he halted, looking at Koichi.
“Did you hear that before?” he asked carefully.
Koichi looked up from his magazine, blinking at Tsuyoshi.
“Oh, you had a fight with your friend?” Koichi asked.
And Tsuyoshi understood. He nodded slowly and gave Koichi a smile.
“Wanna go, eat ramen?” he asked.
“Sure,” Koichi smiled back. “Let’s go.”

*end flashback*

“So, that’s your story?” Tackey sneered. “Poor little Koichi was ignored by some of the bad people he never talked to?”
“You don’t get it,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “That was one of many incidents. Koichi wasn’t all that reserved when I first met him. He might not have been the most open-minded person I’d ever seen – not to mention that he was really overly composed, but the man he is today he became because… There was much more, really.”
“Like what?” Tackey dared the other.

Tsuyoshi glared at him. “Don’t you dare suggest I’m dramatising things. You just don’t like the thought that things like that were happening right in front of your nose and you were either too ignorant to notice them, or too much of a coward to do something about them.”
“I’m a coward?” Tackey asked, raising a brow.

“Either that, or a clueless idiot,” Tsuyoshi told him bluntly. “You don’t know what it did to him. He knew. Everything. And it made him…” Tsuyoshi pressed his lips together, as if trying to repress some yet dirties words and keep them inside. “He even took his work home so he didn’t have to come to the agency if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”
“And that’s our fault too?” Tackey asked bitingly.
Tsuyoshi licked his lips. “Maybe not… exactly your fault. But you don’t know what happened to him. How he took in what he experienced.”

*flashback*

Johnny’s always been very kind to us. He kind of raised me and so naturally I have a lot of trust in him.

“Very good, very good,” Johnny cheered, clasping one shoulder of each Koichi and Tsuyoshi. “That’s my boys.”
“Was it okay?” Koichi chirped. “I thought it was a bit off-key.”
“What are you talking about?” Johnny demanded, shaking his head. “You were brilliant.”
Koichi smiled, feeling relieved.
“Come on, we should get changed,” Tsuyoshi said, sounding hurried and pulling on Koichi’s shirt. “We’ve only got two minutes.”

“Hai,” Koichi nodded and they hurried to the dressing room. Unlike when they had lives of their own, during the Countdown they had more like just a dressing spot in the big underground area, where everybody kept swishing about.
“Omg, did you see that?” Toma groaned out and Koichi stopped in his tracks. “Really, Koichi is such a pet. And Johnny always only fawning over him.”
“Well, it’s just like that,” Tsubasa sighed. “Johnny just utterly loves him.”

“Just why, I wonder,” Yoko bit out. “Like, really, what ever is it that Johnny thinks is so special about him? I mean, I’m not the best of singers, but at least I know what I’m capable of. That whining just now was awful.”
“Thank you very much,” Toma said with a nod. “And he’s not even especially cute, or beautiful, or anything. Totally over-rated.”
“Johnny really knows all of that. That’s why he had that know-it-all debut with Tsuyoshi-san. Tsuyoshi is pretty good. Bet Johnny hoped it would add to Koichi’s non-existent charm. But really, that boy is nothing but a totally lame side-kick,” Yoko sneered.

“And his voice is really totally squeaky,” Toma kept ranting. “Honestly, why did he even get to debut when so much more talented people are still waiting?”
“Not to mention,” Yoko added, “poor Tsuyoshi-san, who has to work with that kid.”
“Uh,” Toma made, making a face. “Well,” he added with a grin, clasping Tsubasa’s shoulder, “a fate he shares with you, ne? At least in part. Say, is Koichi just as bothersome to train with for the musical?”

Tsubasa hesitated, looking at the two boys in front of him. But then he didn’t dare oppose them in any way.
“He’s a total pain,” the older boy sighed out. “And really, he looks all `I’m so professional´ on stage, but when we’re training, we always have to wait for him to catch up with the dance steps. It’s totally annoying.”
“I knew it,” Toma grinned.

“A complete waste, that guy,” Yoko mumbled.
“Ssssshhhhhh,” Tsubasa finally cut into the rant. “What if somebody hears you?”
“So, what?” Toma shrugged. “They’re all thinking the same. They’re neither stupid, nor blind. They know why Koichi is where he is and it’s pissing them off just as much as us.”
“You can still be discrete about it,” Tsubasa told him with a glare. “And now get going, we’re supposed to be on stage again any second.”

Tsuyoshi bit his lip, looking at Koichi with fearful eyes.
“Kou-“ he started, but Koichi just cut him off.
“It’s nothing,” he assured his partner. “I know they’re jealous. I live with it.”
“But really, Koichi, you’re not… what they said,” Tsuyoshi insisted.
“Is that what you honestly think?” Koichi asked, eyes shining slightly.
“Yes,” the other stated firmly.

“Well then, just so I’ll know whether I can be sure you will be truthful to me,” Koichi continued, a sneer forming on his face. “Was my singing off-key before?”
Tsuyoshi gulped at that. “Well…” he began, then wet his lips. Then he sighed. “Quite.”
The reaction he got really surprised him. Suddenly Koichi was hugging him.
“Hey, guys,” Nagase called out as he walked by the scene. “Save that stuff for the stage. Come on, already.”
“Hai~!” Koichi called out. As he drew back he grinned at Tsuyoshi. “I really love you,” he chirped happily, then he let go of his partner, leaving him baffled and with a blush on his face.

*end flashback*

Have you ever asked yourself why Koichi keeps working his ass off day and night, never resting properly, so he’ll have the feeling he can at least somewhat keep up?” Tsuyoshi asked, sounding pained.
“Somewhat keep up?” Tackey repeated. “Not quite likely. He knows he’s good.”
“Yeah, well, luckily, his efforts showed effect,” Tsuyoshi bit out. “His thoughts there might have changed from `I’ve got to keep up´ to `I’ll give you something to feel envious about´. You don’t know how he got there.”

*flashback*

Of course, it’s hard, physically, to continue. But if you don’t give it your everything, that’ll ruin it all. You will absolutely regret it later.

“Otsukare-sama desu,” Nakada, their choreographer said with a sigh. “Really, you guys have been working so hard today, make sure to drink well.”
“Hai,” Tsuyoshi said with a nod, detaching the towel from around his head. As he walked towards the door to the showers, he looked expectantly back at Koichi. “You coming?”
“Ah,” Koichi waved at him, “you go ahead. I’ll revise just one more time.”
“What about closing up?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“It’s fine,” Koichi assured him. “I’ve got a key.”
Tsuyoshi quirked a brow. “You have a key to the training area?”
The other merely shrugged at him. “Gotta make the best of being Johnny’s number one.”
“Right;” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Very well. Good night.”
“Good night,” Koichi waved him off.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

It was 2 am when Tsuyoshi finally made his way home. He had met Tsubasa on his way and washed his head thoroughly. In a way he felt a bit bad about it, that’s why he had treated the other boy afterwards. But it simply wasn’t right to keep bullying Koichi like that. Then he suddenly stopped in his tracks. Taking a closer look, he could see that there was still light on in the training area. Carefully he stepped closer. As he went back down to their training hall a knot started to built in his stomach. Then, once he was back and warily glanced back into the room, he found Koichi, in front of the mirrored wall, rehearsing dance steps. Tsuyoshi didn’t know the choreography. It might have been from SHOCK, or something Koichi had come up with himself. He kept moving and twisting and turning and then, with one last flip he tripped over and fell to the floor, panting harshly.

Tsuyoshi watched the scene in utter shock. He bit his lip, wondering whether he should show himself, standing by the other’s side. But then he thought that if Koichi had wanted him there, he would have told him from the beginning. For some reason he didn’t want Tsuyoshi there. Just as the younger boy made to leave he could hear Koichi starting to sing a low scale. Some of the notes were off. Koichi retried. Again. Again. Tearing his eyes away from the sight in front of him, Tsuyoshi turned and fled. He couldn’t watch any longer. Why did Koichi have to do that?

*end flashback*

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Tackey stared at Tsuyoshi.
“He would push himself until he would break down during official rehearsals, because he’d done so much extra work,” Tsuyoshi told him. “He even had a very bad case of laryngitis. But then it showed effect. He got better, and notably so. His dancing and singing and he even learned to play an instrument.”
“But then,” Tackey said, shaking his head, “once he had surpassed quite some of them and effectively shut them up, why wasn’t it okay then?”

“First off,” Tsuyoshi told him with a stern look, “people won’t just shut up. They’ll just gossip about new stuff. `The Prince´ - I’m sure you’re familiar with that?”
“Yes,” Tackey admitted bitterly.
“For another,” Tsuyoshi sighed, “something happened then that wasn’t supposed to happen. And that changed everything.”

*flashback*

It’s just on stage like this. In real life he doesn’t shine.

“We’ll have to think of an entirely new concept,” Ken-san sighed. “It’s too much for Tsuyoshi to handle the role of the cool player.”
Tsuyoshi sighed.
“Stop blaming yourself,” Koichi told the other, rubbing over his thigh affectionately. “It’s not like you can help being sick.”
“But… if I can’t rock the show…”
“Then I’ll do it,” Koichi stated firmly.

Silence followed as everybody was looking at Koichi.
“Koichi,” Ken-san began carefully, “I know you only mean to help, but that might be a bit…”
“What?” Koichi asked, scoffing. “You think I can’t do it? That I can’t pull it off?”
“That… isn’t the point,” Ken-san opposed him. “The point is, you’d have to change your image entirely.”
“I don’t care,” Koichi insisted.

“Koichi, really,” Ken-san tried again. “We’re not talking about one show here. It’s everything. The styling, the manners, the clothing, even the sort of work that you will do.”
“I’ll do it,” the boy decided. “All of it.”
Tsuyoshi looked at him, feeling rather helpless.
“I think it’ll be good for me,” Koichi said with a smile. “I think it’ll help me with my musical work. I want to improve that as well. So, let me do it. Bring whatever it takes. I’ll wear my hair as you suggest it, as well as the clothes that you give me, I’ll sing the songs you provide for me and learn the choreography you think is best for it.”

“Koichi, really,” Tsuyoshi made to cut in, but Koichi wouldn’t let him talk.
“Tsuyoshi,” the older boy said sternly, “in all the things in which you have stood by my side, all the things that you have done for me, given me, ignored about me to my advantage, the only thing I could ever do was to be grateful that you are such a wonderful person. So now, when I get a chance to finally actually do something for you, please let me do it.”
And that was the end of the discussion. There was nothing to be added to that. And thus “So young blues” was produced as Koichi’s first small solo work to introduce his new self.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

“Have you seen the clip?” Aiba whispered. “They even ripped his shirt off.”
“They did not,” Toma opposed.
“Well, close enough,” Aiba shrugged with a grin. “It’s actually quite cool. The backflip too. Have you seen the backflip?”
“Toma rolled his eyes. “Well, sorry, but I’m not watching Koichi-kun’s new clip day and night,” he said irritatedly.
“No need to bite at me,” Aiba told him. “I just thought it’s actually kinda cool.”
“If you say so,” the other boy merely shrugged.

*end flashback*

“And that was when Koichi learned that his sex sells,” Tsuyoshi explained. “That people gave him some kind of positive feedback on it. And he latched onto that like a starving man onto a piece of bread, promoting that side of himself, pushing it further and further. And it got a bit better too. But still… People talk about him. They still do it today, even if the topics have shifted. They tease and… they are nasty. And now guess what – most of the guys who have been badmouthing him have very willingly followed him to his bed – or the nearest closet, for that matter. That’s where he gets his acknowledgement. He feels some kind of weird triumph in that. `They’re all dismissing me, they say that they’re so indifferent to me, but look, here they come, all of them.´ It’s easy for him, but he doesn’t even realise he’s destroying himself.”

“What about you, then?” Tackey asked.
“The things I can do are limited,” Tsuyoshi said reluctantly. “Koichi is grateful for everything I do for him, but… sometimes he keeps thinking that he’s a bother to me, so he will draw back and just try to give me as little trouble as he possibly can.”

*flashback*

I don’t really go out on my days off. /// All you ever do is playing that stupid game lately.

“So, don’t you want to go?” Tsuyoshi asked hopefully.
“Nah,” Koichi dragged out. “Don’t feel like it. I think I’ll stay at home. You call some of your friends and go out with them. I’m sure there’s something going on tonight.”
“Well, I guess so,” Tsuyoshi mumbled. “But really… tomorrow’s your day off. Well, at least let’s get together tomorrow.”
“Tsuyoshi,” Koichi sighed. “I… I have plans tomorrow.”

“You have plans?” Tsuyoshi gasped out, the next second cursing himself for his reaction.
But if Koichi had noticed it especially, he showed no negative reaction.
“Yes, Tomo will come by,” Koichi told him. “He’s bringing his Playstation and some games. Nothing you’d like to do.”
“Very well, then,” Tsuyoshi sighed out. Then his tone changed to sarcasm. “If you absolutely don’t want to see me.”

“Mah, I see you enough at work,” Koichi teased back playfully.
“Growing tired of my face?” Tsuyoshi asked.
“Probably scared I might,” Koichi grinned.
The other chuckled at that. “Okay, you win. See you for recording.”
“Right.”

*end flashback*

“So, now you know all of it,” Tsuyoshi told his visitor.
“But…” Tackey mumbled. “Is it really that bad?”
“It was,” Tsuyoshi confirmed. “Things eventually got better in 04.”
Tackey blinked at him in confusion.
“M.A.,” Tsuyoshi explained. “They were the best thing that ever happened to him in the agency. People he could work with and also have fun with. That’s why it was so bad when Aki left.”
Tackey nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I remember, Koichi made a riot. But not even he could convince Johnny…”

“It was tough for him,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “But then the group grew again, as Koichi picked the four MAD boys for his musical. Today they’re even an established sub-unit like this.”
A longer silence followed in which they both tried to agree on a mood after this intense talk. Finally Tackey sighed.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.
The other merely nodded at him.
“I mean, I can’t believe that I would never have noticed any of that,” the younger boy said frustratedly. “Is that even possible?”

“It’s actually quite likely,” Tsuyoshi told him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to blame yourself. I’m sorry about earlier, I was upset.”
“But you said I was part of the problem,” Tackey opposed.
“I said that, yes, and I think it’s true,” the other retorted. “The problem was that nobody noticed, or did anything about what was going on there. The thing is just that somehow… people will naturally blend such things out, if they can. Not on purpose, or anything, it happens unconsciously.”

“I still don’t believe it,” Tackey said miserably. “And why did you notice, then?”
“Well, for one, I was the other half of KinKi Kids, so naturally, I was hated a bit with Koichi. But that wasn’t really all that bad. More like a mood-thing, really. For another,” Tsuyoshi shrugged, “I love him.”
Tackey smiled at that. “Yeah, you really always supported him.”
The two of them kept looking at each other and a strange feeling started to tingle in Tackey’s stomach.
“Wait, you…” he stuttered, eyes growing wide. “You… love him?”

Tsuyoshi merely smiled at him.
“Does he know?” Tackey asked, still baffled.
“He knows,” the other confirmed.
“And?”
Tsuyoshi grinned. “I make him sick.”
“HUH?” Tackey blinked, confused.
The older man merely chuckled. “Sorry, forget it. There’s nothing between us, never has been, never will be. We’re just… different like that.”

“But Tsuyoshi,” he said intensely, “there must be something we can do. For Koichi. I mean, the way you explain it to me, he’s really destroying himself too.”
“He is,” Tsuyoshi confirmed. “He’s got eating issues too.” He quickly waved Tackey off as the latter shot him an alarmed look. “I’m keeping an eye on that, so you don’t worry about it. But it is bad. Altogether.”
“I’ll talk to some of the guys right after this,” they younger guy decided.
“Pointless,” Tsuyoshi said in an almost bored voice.
“Why?”
“Because they will tell you other stories.”

*flashback*

“Woah, recording an entire album is so much work,” Nagase complained. “The lead title alone took us about two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” Koichi blurted out. “What ever did you do – sing it backwards too?”
“Really, Koichi,” Mabo complained, “can’t you just shut that busy mouth of yours for just a second?”
“Leave him,” Nagase told his band member, hitting his arm.

*end flashback*

“But why did Koichi tease him in such a way, really?” Tackey asked. “How long would he like a song recording to take, including composing and lyrics?”
“Try four days altogether,” Tsuyoshi retorted. “That’s how long we took, talking average.”
Tackey stared at that.

“Well, of course, Koichi would be up all night, until the recording was done,” Tsuyoshi explained, “so we were quick, yes, but we had our own song writers, sometimes even two for one song. So, naturally it wouldn’t take nearly as long as two weeks. The thing is, Koichi never learned how other people did their stuff. He really thought everybody had the same basics as we did. That’s why people tended to think of him as arrogant. But it was really all natural to him. I remember, once he asked Jun why he took a Taxi from the airport, instead of having someone from the agency pick him up.”

Tackey chucked a bit at that. But then his face turned stern again.
“What can I do, then?” he asked, sounding helpless.
“For now?” Tsuyoshi asked, a stern look on his face. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but please keep fucking him.”
“EH?!” Tackey stared.
“I know you might feel off about it, now that you know all of this,” Tsuyoshi told him, “but really, that is the one thing he’s clinging to. If you take that away from him now too… I don’t know what will happen. So, please, for now, just leave things as they are. I’ll talk to him about Uchi-kun once more. It’ll be settled, I promise.”

Tackey sighed sadly. “Very well, then. I trust you with it. And I’ll do what you suggest.”
“Thank you,” Tsuyoshi said with a nod.
“No, thank you,” Tackey said with a sad smile. “For telling me this. I’ll help you now, okay? We’ll find a way out of this.”
Tsuyoshi nodded gratefully.
“Okay then, I should be off. Good night, Tsuyoshi-san.”
“Good night, Takizawa-kun.”
With that Tackey got up and left, his head spinning, already trying to organise his thoughts on the matter and in desperate search of a solution.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Phew. Finally, I fishished this. That was quite something. I feel like hugging Koichi. But now this is finally done. Just... how do I go back to smut now? ^^" Well, I guess you will see in the next chapter. Thank you all for reading! <3

Chapter 4

Chapter 6