authors_paradise | East to West, Shadow to Light, 先 to 後, Me to You

Pairing: TakkiRyo
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, the idea is, but the characters are not.
Warnings: swearing, angst
Multi-chapter

Intro: Now that Ryo is brooding over his feelings for Takki, what does the latter do - and more importantly, feel? Right into that question come some unexpected helpers.

Note: Finally I'm updating! Now, this turned out very different from what I had intended and again I wonder if the person who requested me to write this will like how it tiruned out. Takki's character has become something completely different from what I had thought and intended. For me, this development is perfect. If I can please my readers with this, I think I can finally start to write this story naturally and with ease. Takki gave me some trouble, but with this background I really like him now and I'll like writing his character.

No special dedication on this chapter. Just thanks to

vivi000 , who keeps inspiring me, then my salut to "Cruel intentions", a fantastic movie, starring the equally fantastic Ryan Phillip, who taught me that "people are sheep" and my own tortured mind that has now somehow become Takki's. ^^ Okay, that's it. Now, enjoy.

Hikaru flopped down on the couch with a sigh. Closing his eyes momentarily, he enjoyed a moment of rare silence. Working with nine other people came with a lot of fun – and with a lot of noise. Sure enough, the moment later, the door to the HSJ common room flew open.

“Hicchaaa~n!” Takaki called out merrily. “Found ya,” he added with a grin, pointing at the boy on the couch.

“Congratulations,” Hikaru mumbled, reluctantly opening his eyes again.

His slightly older colleague blinked at him. “Something wrong?”

Hikaru sighed. “No, no. I mean, not really. Just an awful lot of work to do.”

“Shooting’s tiring?” Yabu asked with a sympathetic smile as he walked in, two worked up Morimoto’s in his vague.

“Gimme my DS back now!” Shintaro demanded, dashing after his brother.

“Come on, now,” Ryutaro panted out, while he was trying to avoid the other. “You still have rehearsals, so I can borrow it, ne?”

“No, no, no!” Shintaro called out. “It’s mine. Give it to me.”

The two boys kept running around wildly, taking turns and twisting around suddenly. When Shintaro ran straight into Yabu because he had simply lost his track, the older boy grunted out in annoyance.

“Okay, that’s it,” he decided. “Out, both of you. And the DS stays here. Shin-kun, I think your break’s over anyway.”

Both boys looked at him with puppy-dog-eyes and he gulped, knowing they were trying to get to him. He braced himself as best he could.

“But… Yabu-kuuu~n,” Shintaro whined. “Please, let me take it back. I won’t play, I promise, but let me have it back.”

“You can have it back once your work is over today,” Yabu informed him. “You should learn to share with your brother,” he added with a stern face. “And you,” he said, turning towards Ryutaro, “you should learn to ask for permission properly.”

Both boys kept looking miserable for another moment, but then realised that they didn’t stand a chance and sighed.

“Hai, Yabu-kun,” the said in unison, turning to leave.

Once they were gone, Yabu sighed. “So bothersome.”

“Mou, Yabu-kun,” Takaki chirped out adoringly. “You’re gonna be such a good dad one day. I totally couldn’t handle them like that.”

“Well, you have to raise your kids properly,” Yabu said determinedly. “It’s not easy, but that’s part of the deal.”

“Talk about difficult to handle,” Hikaru spoke up again. “I’m so not going back to that set.”

“Why? Trouble?” Takaki asked, flopping down on the sofa, pulling Hikaru close.

“What are you doing?!” Hikaru demanded, shoving the other away.

“Ano… cuddling,” the other shrugged. “When I feel bad, I like to cuddle.”

“With guys?” Hikaru asked warily.

“With friends,” Takaki said with a pout. “Hey, I just want to help out. If you don’t like it, you can just say it.”

“Sorry,” Hikaru sighed out, patting his friend on the shoulder. “I guess I’m a bit over-sensitive.”

“What is it now,” Yabu cut in, “on set?”

“Well,” Hikaru started to explain, “it’s not like people are fighting a lot, or anything, and Takizawa-kun is really nice to me too. But that’s also part of the problem…”

“What ever is happening there?” Yabu asked, sitting down on an armchair.

“Well, first Mizukawa-kun,” Hikaru related, “she totally has the hots for Takizawa. But he’s totally oblivious to it.”

“It’s not like he’d answer the call,” Yabu shrugged.

“Yeah, the problem is that he should check his voice mail and then change his number, or something, because she won’t take a hint and calls again and again and again.”

Yabu laughed slightly at that. “Okay, that might be annoying.”

“It’s not like Takizawa would mind a lot,” Hikaru explained. “He just keeps attending to me and Nishikido-kun.”

“And she doesn’t like that,” Yabu analysed.

“Not particularly,” the other confirmed.

“Okay, troublesome.”

“Then… I don’t know,” Hikaru sighed with a shrug.

“What?”

“Well, Takizawa-kun attends to Nishikido-kun a lot, I mean, a big lot. Actually, if it wouldn’t look weird to others on set, I think he’d stir the coffee for Nishikido-kun and blow on it before giving it to him for drinking.”

“Ah, that’s Takizawa as we know him,” Yabu chuckled. “And I expect Nishikido-kun is annoyed by it?”

“That’s the weirdest thing about it,” Hikaru continued, sounding more excited. “Nishikido-kun doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest. On the contrary, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he enjoys getting so much of Takizawa’s attention.”

Yabu blinked. “Eh? He doesn’t complain?”

Hikaru just shook his head.

Takaki sat up and tried to snuggle up to Hikaru again, who did not push him away this time. With a happy smile on his face, the older boy sighed contentedly.

“Maybe he likes Takizawa,” he suggested.

Both boys blinked at him.

“What?!” Yabu asked, shaking his head. “Think about what you’re saying. Nishikido-kun’s straight.”

“He’s been going out with girls,” Takaki corrected him lazily.

“And that tells us… straight,” Yabu shrugged.

“Ever heard of bi?” Takaki asked, clicking his tongue.

“Bi?” Hikaru gasped out. “What – you think?”

“Well, it’s not like I know,” Takaki shrugged helplessly, “I was just trying to suggest a thought.”

“But something like that,” Yabu mumbled.

“Well,” Hikaru mused, “I haven’t considered it before. But if I’m going that way…”

“What?” Yabu asked, blinking.

“There was this incident on our shoot yesterday…”

________________________________________________________________________________________

“Takizawa-kuuu~n,” Mizukawa called out, waving.

“Hai?” Takki asked, blinking.

The woman blinked right back. “Ano… otsukare-sama desu,” she mumbled, bowing.

“Hai, otsukare,” Takki returned politely.

“So, you’re done for today? Or do you still have work to do?” Mizukawa wanted to know.

“Done for today. Luckily,” Takki said with a smile.

“Well, how about having dinner, then?” Mizukawa suggested. “We haven’t been out yet.”

“Ah, that’s true,” Takki said apologetically. “Sumimasen. But I can’t tonight.”

The woman’s face fell. “Really, ever since we started shooting, you’re always busy and going out with people, but you totally neglect your current colleagues.”

“I’m really sorry,” Takki assured her. “But I promised an old friend that we’ll meet tonight. I haven’t seen him in forever and now we’ve finally found some time to spare. We’ll go out. Definitely. How about next week, right after shooting?”

Mizukawa still didn’t look happy, but she nodded in agreement.

“Next week,” she confirmed.

“Next week,” Takki repeated, nodding.

“It’s a date,” she nodded back.

“Right,” Takki smiled. “Ah, Hikaru-kun, otsukare.”

“Otsukare-sama desu,” Hikaru mumbled, bowing as he passed by.

“Hey, next week, after shooting we’ll have a cast dinner,” the older boy informed him.

Hikaru blinked. “Oh, okay.”

“My treat,” Takki offered. “Make sure you get enough sleep tonight. We had a long shooting day, ne?”

“Hai, papa,” Hikaru teased, grinning.

“My, I haven’t heard that in a while,” Ryo’s voice sounded from behind the small group. “Ne, Takki?”

“Ah, you never called me that anyway,” Takki returned, with a smile.

“Well, you weren’t really that much older,” Ryo shrugged.

“True. Oh, we’re having a cast dinner next week.”

“Next week? Oh, sorry, I can’t,” Ryo sighed.

“Eh? Why not?” Takki asked, sounding disappointed.

“I’ve got a promotion photo shoot after drama shooting,” Ryo explained.

“Oh, that’s a pity,” Takki sighed, “but it can’t be helped. It’s all just because you’re working too much,” he added, trying to scold, but ending up pouting.

“Gomen, gomen,” Ryo said, bowing. “I’ll try to do better.”

“Again trying so hard,” Takki teased.

“Well, we can have dinner tonight,” Ryo offered. “I haven’t really eaten yet.”

“What – nothing?” Takki stared. “That’s no good. I keep telling you to watch out more. You don’t have to copy all the habits of Koichi-kun, you know.”

“I’ll be more careful,” Ryo assured him.

“I’ll keep an eye on it too. For now, yes, let’s go and have dinner. I’ll just quickly cancel my date,” Takki told him, pulling out his cell phone.

Ryo blinked. “Oh, you have plans?”

“It’s nothing important,” Takki waved him off. “Just a second. Ah, Kubozuka-kun? Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry, but I have to… well, there’s something I really have to do right now, so… can we meet some other time?”

There was a longer pause in which Hikaru caught Mizukawa glaring daggers at Ryo, while the latter seemed somewhere between nervous, flattered and overly pleased.

“I know, me too,” Takki spoke into his phone again. “Yeah, next week Monday sounds great. Same time. See you then. Ja.”

With that he clapped his phone shut and put it away again.

“Okay, all done,” he announced. “Come on, let’s go.”

Ryo looked at him with wary eyes. “Are you sure it’s okay like this?”

“Of course,” Takki said as though he’d asked him whether it was okay to breathe. “It’s all settled. We’ll meet on Monday instead and now the two of us are having dinner. One long dinner too. Or maybe, we’ll make a short tour, having a second and then a third dinner,” Takki mused.

“Whatever is fine with me,” Ryo stated, smiling brightly.

“Okay, let’s be off.”

“Hai. Ah, otsukare,” Ryo called out into the room as he left with Takki slinging his arm around his shoulder.

______________________________________________________________________________________

“Oh my god,” Takaki breathed, staring.

“You can say that again,” Hikaru sighed. “Mizukawa won’t even talk to Nishikido-kun again. I really dread our next shooting day.”

“What about Nishikido anyway?” Yabu asked, shifting.

“What do you mean?” Hikaru asked.

“Well, you said Takizawa is oblivious, but what about Nishikido? Does he understand what’s the deal with Mizukawa?”

“Oh,” Hikaru blinked. “Well, he’s a bright guy. And it seems that he’s already avoiding her, so he might have an idea.”

“Well, that’s a start,” Yabu sighed. “Maybe he’ll tip Takizawa off.”

“He won’t,” Takaki stated simply.

“Why not?” Hikaru asked, surprised.

“Well, if he likes Takizawa, he won’t tell him. Gay or straight doesn’t matter. If you like someone, you won’t point out someone else’s attention to them.”

“That… is true,” Yabu admitted. “But what about Takizawa in the first place? Does he like Nishikido?”

“I vote yes,” Hikaru declared. “That dinner incident really says it all. He didn’t even blink before he cancelled that date he had.”

“But Takki being Takki, he hasn’t realised it,” Takaki analysed.

“So, you vote yes too?” Yabu asked, sounding amused. “Well, I won’t deny it’s highly probable. But really, what kind of couple would that be?”

“Oh my god, they’d be such an attraction,” Takaki flailed. “And really cute too. Takki being all protective of his little lover and Nishikido-kun giving cute and shy smiles and vague touches. Aw, kawaii~!”

Yabu and Hikaru blinked at the boy, who had started to hop up and down on the couch excitedly.

“You should write fiction, you know,” Yabu stated, shaking his head.

“Or try to be a match maker,” Hikaru suggested, laughing.

Their little chat was suddenly interrupted, as the door to their dressing room flew open again. Much to their surprise, it was Takki who stood in the frame, looking stern.

“What are you all doing here, gossiping about?” he asked, hands in his hips. “If you don’t have work to do, go home, or go out, or whatever you guys do when you’re off.”

“Aw, Takki-chan is all moody,” Takaki teased, hopping up from the couch.

“Who are you calling Takki-chan?” Takki scoffed.

“Maybe we should get Nishikido-kun and see if that won’t make Takki-chan happy?”

The world seemed to freeze. Takki stared at the boy in disbelief, while the other two wanted to strangle their band mate for fear they would soon meet exactly that fate.

Takaki just blinked. Then he frowned. “Oh, come on. You’re all grown men, aren’t you?” he asked, mimicking Takki’s pose. “Why can’t we talk openly?”

“Talk about what exactly?” Takki asked, sounding a bit calmer, but Yabu had a feeling that he was still out for pray.

“Well, Hikaru has told us about your shooting set and what’s happening there and so on and from what he’s said, we were wondering, if maybe you and Nishikido-kun are hitting something off.”

Takki took a moment to even get himself to think into that direction. Then he shook his head wildly.

“What – you mean… me and Ryo-chan… like what – lovers?”

“Yeah,” Takaki nodded firmly.

“Whoever gave you such an idea?” Takki gasped out in disbelief. He turned to look at Hikaru, who gulped at the look on his senpai’s face.

“Hikaru-kun, what on earth are you telling them?” Takki demanded.

“I didn’t say anything about you and Nishikido-kun,” Hikaru assured him. “Not like that, anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Takki bit out and he looked like he was gonna jump his pray any second now.

“Nothing in particular,” Hikaru stuttered out, voice breaking in panic, “I just told set stories and then Takaki suggested it sounded like you liked Nishikido.”

Takki’s head immediately flew back to the boy in question. “How would you claim something like that?”

“You guys just seem really close,” Takaki shrugged. He was either completely fearless, or completely oblivious that Takki was out for a kill before that conversation was over.

“Well, we are close,” Takki admitted, sounding almost confused. “We practically grew up together. We’re… friends.”

“Well, that’s one option,” Takaki gave him.

“What are you talking about?!” Takki demanded, suddenly bursting out, if surprisingly not in fury, but apparently in defence. “Me and Ryo-chan? Together? That would never work. No, I’m not even going that far. We’ve known each other forever. We’re close alright, but not in that kind of way. It would be totally off. He feels like some kind of younger brother. I’d never look at him that way.” Takki panted a bit after his little outbreak. “Plus, it’s completely pointless. He’s straight, isn’t he? And I’ve had my share of one-sided love to straight guys. I’m so not going there again.”

“Why does everybody eliminate the possibility that Nishikido-kun could like you?” Takaki asked, a stern look on his face. “Because he’s been dating girls?”

“Well, some people say that’s a dead give-away,” Takki sneered.

“Well, quite a lot of people are sheep,” Takaki shot right back. “Quite some people who date girls are interested in guys.”

“Ryo-chan’s not like that,” Takki waved him off.

“Well, he might not be gay,” Takaki shrugged.

“Oh?” Takki said, rising his brows.

“Maybe he just… likes you,” Takaki mumbled, his determination suddenly gone.

“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, Yu-chan,” Takki said, suddenly sporting a smile. “I see… you’re still trying to find your place, aren’t you? And you think you can choose where you want to be in the end. But let me tell you, reality’s a bitch and things don’t work that way.”

“Just because it doesn’t work well for you, doesn’t mean it can’t for someone else,” Takaki tried vaguely.

Takki just shook his head mildly. “It’s okay. You guys are still young. Ryo-chan and I are good friends and maybe you think it would be interesting, or something, or maybe you’re interpreting things. But believe me, I’ve never looked at Ryo-chan that way. And he’s straight. And that’s that.”

“Fine,” Takaki finally sighed, flopping down on the couch again.

“Okay, then. Stop arguing about other people’s love lives and get going,” Takki told them.

“Just one more question,” Takaki suddenly blurted out just as Takki was about to leave.

“Yes?”

“Are you one of those who think that people who call themselves `bi´ are only those who are in denial about their own sexuality? Or do you think such a thing actually exists?”

Takaki looked firmly at Takki. The older boy blinked for a moment, then smiled.

“I’ve met bi people. And I would hardly think they’re in denial. Well, not all of them.”

“Then,” Takaki continued, “set the case you’ve never thought about being into guys, because you found appeal in girls and thus you yourself assumed you’re straight, but then you’re with this guy and suddenly your heart starts beating faster and your stomach gets all fluttery. Don’t you think that could happen?”

Takki smiled again, but in his eyes there was a dangerous glint again.

“Well, who knows?” he answered shortly, and with that was finally out the door.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Once outside, Takki shook his head, chuckling to himself.

Ah, youngsters. They think things are so easy. If you just wish for it enough, the person you like will like you back.

He started for a second, before resuming his walk to the entrance.

Well, not that I actually like Ryo-chan like that. That’s where the impossibilities start. They simply don’t understand the way we work, our relationship. Fuck, that sounds just like KinKi. Well, there are a lot of relationships that are hard to pin point.

As if to distract himself, Takki walked faster, as though once he was in his car he could simply leave his thoughts at work.

I mean, I’ve never even thought about such a thing. I haven’t. I mean, okay, who wouldn’t notice Ryo-chan’s abs? You must love it, if you’re gay – or a girl, anyway. So, that’s just a simple physical thing. Anyone would notice.

Feeling his throat getting dry, Takki stopped at a drinks machine to get some water. He nervously fumbled with his coins, finally dropping one. He cursed as he picked it up, quickly putting it into the machine.

And it’s also a simple fact that he’s a good singer. He’s one of the most outstanding that we have. His voice too. Everybody says that. So, it’s not exactly an infatuative feeling on my part. His voice is just plainly nice to listen to, nothing to it.

Grabbing his bottle quickly, he opened it and took a gulp, quickly resuming his way to his car.

And all that stuff about being “bi”. The chances are one in a million. Not that I’d care.

Takki sighed as he reached his car, fumbling for the keys, then opening the car quickly and slipping in. Once inside he sighed again.

It’s not… like that.

He tried to tell himself.

I’ve never thought of him that way. Just his… physical features are nice and his voice is cool. And his smile is adorable. And he looks cute when he’s embarrassed. But that’s just plain watching. And liking these things means I might like… well, maybe I’d like guys who are a bit like that. But certainly not him. No. Never.

He heaved a bit.

“Fuck,” he hissed out, angrily wiping suddenly wet eyes.

I don’t like him. I can’t like him. I… shit. The only reason I let myself grow so comfortable around him was the security of his straight character. He’s straight, he’s unattainable. It’s impossible, I cannot have him. So, I can be casual, right? With him. He would think nothing of it. Never.

He hit against his steering wheel repeatedly in fury.

Come on, now. Not again. You’ve been there. You know what it’s like. And there are no fairy tale endings to such stories. It’s not gonna happen. They’re just kids and what do they know? You can’t fall for a straight guy again.

Sighing in defeat he weakly let his head fall against the steering wheel.

Are you really such an idiot? Haven’t you suffered enough? Do you get off on that? You get confessions several times a week and you keep turning them down, because… why? He’s too tall, too skinny, too blond, too plain, too… what, gay? What’s wrong with me? Do I only fall for straight guys? Shit…

Takki started up in shock as he heard a knocking sound. He blinked, raising his head, then froze, staring.

“Takki,” Ryo said through the window, knocking once more, if more softly. “Are you okay?”

________________________________________________________________________________________

Done. Yay! Okay, I hope you liked and for those, who are waiting for it, I promise won't take forever, and there's gonna be some hotter action soon. Maybe not in the next chapter, but the one after, definitely. So, please wait a little bit. m(__)m That's all for now. Comments please. I'm particularly curious about thoughts on Takki. Somehow he turnedo ut like this and even though I never imagined he could be like this, now that I've written it, it seems quite possible. What do you think?

Chapter 1

Chapter 3