Lucky Charm (Bring me Love) - Chapter 3: My Life with my Dancers

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Pairing: KinKi Kids
Other characters: Nagase Tomoya, MA, 4U, Uchi Hiroki, KAT-TUN mainly
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just love them ^^
Setting: AU
Warnings: Bit angsty. And some swearing.
Multi-Chapter


Notes: This is one laaaate update. I'm so sorry. m(__)m  This totally took me forever. I hope you're gonna enjoy it, though. Have fun. ^^


Intro: It's time for "shock"...





Koichi flopped over onto his other side. Again. He sighed deeply, finally settling down to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling. He tried to ignore it, but it was downright impossible. Obviously Tsuyoshi was having trouble sleeping too. Every now and then Koichi would hear shifting on the living room couch. Sometimes Tsuyoshi seemed to get up and walk around. Maybe he got himself water? Or maybe alcohol? Koichi wouldn’t have blamed him. He felt like a good getting pissed himself, but he didn’t feel safe with a guy, who obviously lusted after him.




Koichi felt a bit guilty for having such thoughts. He knew Tsuyoshi well, there was no way the other man would touch him without permission, but even so… To even think that Tsuyoshi would want him in such a way made the man outside that door just that much of a stranger that for a moment he asked himself how he could have agreed to sleeping even in the same apartment. He sighed once again. Then he gave up. He slipped out of bed and opened the door, finding Tsuyoshi sitting on the living room floor, playing with Pan. Hearing a noise the younger man turned his head. He smiled at the sight of Koichi.




“Oh, hey,” he offered warmly.
“Hey,” Koichi mumbled back.
“What’s up?”
“Can’t sleep,” Koichi sighed, seating himself on the sofa.
“Ah,” Tsuyoshi nodded, petting the little dog some more.
“Hey there, love,” Koichi said sweetly, holding out his hand.
Sure enough, Pan tripled over to him, first glancing at him with big eyes and then sniffing his hand interestedly.




Koichi chuckled at bit. “Do you think she knows?” he asked, looking at Tsuyoshi.
“Huh?”
“Well, that I’m not really her master,” Koichi explained.
“Oh,” Tsuyoshi blinked. He thought about it for a moment. “Ah… I don’t really know. She might find something off about you, though. She’s too… not careful, but – I don’t know, kind of too curious about you. When it’s Koichi, she would usually just jump right onto his lap and get petted. Looks like she’s trying to get to know you?”
Koichi smiled warmly, petting the dog’s head lovingly. “Smart girl.”




Tsuyoshi bit his lip. The picture was too cute. He always liked Koichi being cute – even when his lover generally avoided to show that side of himself. A new sting shot through the younger man’s heart. How he wished he could just move over to Koichi and simply kiss him. It was just too absurd that he couldn’t do anything, but sit and watch.
After a good petting session Koichi finally sighed, shifting his attention back to Tsuyoshi.
“We should talk openly,” he suggested.
“What do you mean?” the younger man asked warily.
“Well, it’s just too normal that we’re both worked up a bit, but still… I feel like I haven’t slept in days, but somehow I can’t sleep.”




“Sorry,” Tsuyoshi mumbled. “It’s just because…” He blushed. “Well, it’s just… I can’t sleep without…”
“Me,” Koichi finished the sentence.
The younger man simply pressed his lips together, avoiding the other’s gaze.
“Why, I guess it can’t be helped, then,” Koichi sighed as he got up.
Tsuyoshi merely blinked after him as he left for the bedroom again. Then he blinked again when Koichi returned, a mattress and sheets under his arms. Koichi flung the stuff on the floor, trying to set up a sleeping place.
“What are you doing?” Tsuyoshi asked.




“Well, if you can’t sleep, I can’t sleep either,” Koichi shrugged. “You can’t sleep without me, so we should be in the same room. Even so, there’s no way I’m sharing a bed with you. No offence, but that would be just too weird. Plus, it might be easier for you too. It’s not like I’m thinking you never did anything in here – not that I’d ever want to hear anything about that – but I expect you won’t be as tempted to try anything. Plus, Pan might help me relax a bit too. So we’ll both be sleeping here.”
“So, nobody is going to sleep in the bed?” Tsuyoshi asked, sounding like the idea was pure idiocy.
“Exactly,” Koichi nodded as he set up his pillow and lied down with a sigh. “This is actually quite nice. Will do. Now sleep.”
“O-okay,” Tsuyoshi muttered with a nod, getting back onto the couch.
There was some more shifting and turning for several minutes, but slowly the sounds were ebbing out and Koichi felt his lips curving into a smile as he felt a light weight pressing against his left leg, as Pan obviously set down on the new resting area to get some sleep too. And a few moments later the room was filled with nothing but even breathing.




______________________________________________________________________________________




“I said you could stay,” Tsuyoshi stated, “and thus you’re my guest.”
“But this is ridiculous,” Koichi demanded. “It’s your bed.”
“You take the bed,” the other insisted. “I’ll be fine.”
“Oh, come on now,” Koichi dragged out. “Why can’t we both sleep in the bed, at least?”
“Together?” Tsuyoshi asked, sounding disturbed.
“Yes,” Koichi sighed exasperatedly, “together. Come now, we’re both grown adults. We can handle that.”
Tsuyoshi just shook his head, though.



Koichi sighed yet again. “Really? Are you that freaked out about me?”
“I’m not freaked out,” Tsuyoshi told him. “It’s just… it doesn’t feel right.”
Finally, the taller one gave in. “Okay, then. But we switch,” he suggested. “Tomorrow night you sleep in the bed. Otherwise I’ll feel like a total asshole.”
“Fine, then,” Tsuyoshi nodded.
Koichi grinned at that. “So we’ll both be sleeping in the same bed, after all.”
Tsuyoshi gave him a pointed look. “I’m warning you, if I find you jerking off in there…”
“Then you’d be spying,” Koichi teased. “That’s naughty, Tsuyoshi.”
The other blushed at that. “D-don’t be ridiculous. I just don’t want you to…”




“Okay,” Koichi shrugged casually, “then tell me just where I am allowed to jerk off and I won’t do it in any other place.”
“You’re impossible,” Tsuyoshi told him.
“Hey now, I was joking, okay?” Koichi tried to ease the mood.
“Well, it’s still a problem,” Tsuyoshi told him. “I mean, of course you’re gonna do it.”
“Er… yeah. If you’ll feel any better, I promise I won’t think of you.”
“Well, that’s the least you can do,” Tsuyoshi told him.
“Even though it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve often done it, thinking of you,” Koichi shrugged.




“Well, I just don’t want to think about that, okay?” Tsuyoshi demanded.
“Okay, okay,” Koichi waved him off .”Just saying. There’s nothing wrong with it. Sex fantasies are often totally nuts anyway. Did you know that about 80% of sex fantasies is about stuff people would never actually do?”
Tsuyoshi blinked at that. “Really?”
The other man nodded. “It’s true. I guess there’s a thrill in imagining you’d find certain things hot, or something.”
“Hm…”
“Ever thought of me when you did it?” Koichi asked suddenly.




“What?!”
“Just asking,” Koichi said warily, trying to give a sheepish smile. “I wouldn’t think much of it. It’s just normal, I think. Working together for so many years. It’ll do things to your mind, one way, or another.”
“That, again, is very true,” Tsuyoshi grinned.
“Maybe we should call it a night,” Koichi suggested. “And no dirty stuff, I promise.”
“Good kid,” Tsuyoshi kept grinning. “Let’s try to get some sleep now.”
“Yup.”




Koichi still felt awkward, lying in the bed. What felt much more awkward, though, was the fact that Tsuyoshi wasn’t only not there, but outside the door. The situation had a rather cold feeling to it. Like they’d had a bad fight, or something like that. He tried to shrug the thought off, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling. He got up carefully and opened the door to the living room.
“Hey, uhm…”
“What is it?” Tsuyoshi asked, sitting up. “Need anything?”
“No, I… I was just wondering… if it would be okay to leave the door open?”
“I don’t know,” Tsuyoshi mused, “Pan might get in. I don’t like it when she sleeps in the bed.”
“I’ll change the sheets for you,” Koichi offered.




Tsuyoshi smiled slightly at him. He liked it a lot when Koichi showed how he was weak like that. It was a rare thing to witness – but all the more precious.
“Fine, then,” he decided. “Leave it open. And sleep now.”
Koichi grinned. “Yes, sir.”




_______________________________________________________________________________________





“Koichi,” Tsuyoshi called from the kitchen. “It’s about time.”
Koichi stirred and shifted on his mattress, grumbling his annoyance and burying his head under his pillow.
“Ah,” Tsuyoshi grinned as he popped his head into the room, “I think I’ve found a new similarity between you and… well, Koichi. Having a hard time getting up?”
“I’m not a morning person,” Koichi stated, his voice muffled by the couch. “Get me coffee.”
Tsuyoshi just shook his head with a smile. “Coffee’s already prepared. Do you have anything in it?”
“Milk, no sugar,” Koichi stated, finally turning around, so Tsuyoshi could hear him properly – and see him too. Sleepy Koichi was still a sight. Tsuyoshi loved watching him sleep whenever he had the opportunity. Like, when they were on tour together, or during shooting breaks for SDK. He just looked so… cute…




Oh, dangerous thoughts. Just keep going…




“Got it,” Tsuyoshi nodded.
“What’s for breakfast?” Koichi asked, yawning as he finally got up.
He blinked. Tsuyoshi stared at him as though he had just… well, dropped in from another dimension, perhaps.
“What?” Koichi shrugged.
“That’s just… rare,” Tsuyoshi said with an apologetic smile. “Koichi doesn’t really eat when he leaves the house. Or when he gets home for that matter.”
Koichi blinked at that. “But… when does he eat, then?” he asked, confused.




“That’s what I’d like to know too,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Well, if you’re hungry,” he mused. “I can make some French Toast, I guess,” he offered with a shrug.
Koichi’s mood seemed to get better immediately, as he beamed at the other. “Yays! I love that. And you’ll prepare them too?”
“Just go take a shower,” Tsuyoshi told him, “I’ll take care of everything.”
“Wow,” Koichi laughed lightly. “You’re really a good…” he hesitated for a second, “wife?”
Tsuyoshi made a face. “Are you trying to be funny, or are you really… that clueless?”
“Well, what does he call you, then?” Koichi asked.




“He’s my… I don’t know. We’re partners. After all this time, I’ve come to call him my husband and I think it works the other way around too.”
“Well, you’re a good husband, then,” Koichi offered warily.
This time he got a smile, though, with a playful glint in Tsuyoshi’s eyes. “You’re damn right, I am. Now, off into the shower,” he ordered, slapping Koichi’s ass playfully.
“Oy,” Koichi complained, glaring at the other, as he rubbed his butt.
“My, still so touchy,” Tsuyoshi teased gleefully. “Move it, now.”




Koichi still grumbled as he made his way to the shower, but he had to admit that Tsuyoshi had a very unique way of actually making him feel… awake. He quickly took his shower and dressed himself before getting back into the kitchen. He sniffed the air happily. It smelled sweet and the air was slightly warm.
“Sit down,” Tsuyoshi offered, still working in his frying pan.
Koichi watched him for a while, then found a seat at the table, where a cup of coffee was already standing.
“Do you always spoil him like that?” Koichi asked. “I could definitely get used to that.”
“I get sex for it, so I’m not complaining,” Tsuyoshi told him, still with his back to Koichi.
“Ah, Tsuyoshi,” Koichi began warily. “I appreciate you’re trying to provide a light kind of mood, just… I don’t really like it,” he admitted.




Tsuyoshi turned to look at him.
“You know,” Koichi continued, “when you pinch me, or… or say stuff like that…”
“Oh,” Tsuyoshi made, suddenly feeling awkward. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I guess I’m used to it and… well, since you have his face…”
“And his ass,” Koichi tried to joke.
“I get it,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “No more teasing,” he promised. “Now, here,” he offered as he pulled up the frying pan and placed three big pieces of French Toast on a plate, “eat. You’re gonna need it, Machida will be all hyper about the beginning of rehearsals.”
Koichi blinked at him. “Who?”




Tsuyoshi flinched slightly. “Ah… Machida-kun? You know, the one who adores you most definitely at least into the next dimension?”
“Is he a dancer, or something?” Koichi shrugged.
“Koichi, really,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Are you… you are doing your musical, right?”
“Shock,” Koichi nodded.
“Good,” the other nodded back. “And… who is your first background?”
“My first background?” Koichi asked, frowning. “How can you even ask that? I mean, you don’t come to see the show, but…”




“Just tell me already,” Tsuyoshi said impatiently.
“Akanishi and Kamenashi, of course,” Koichi shrugged. “Who else would I be talking about? Those two are the most brilliant.”
“KAT-TUN,” Tsuyoshi breathed out.
“Well, duh,” Koichi made, “I picked them myself, remember?”
“So you did,” Tsuyoshi confirmed. “Just…”
“Just?” Koichi sounded alarmed.




“Well… I don’t really know how to tell you this. You know, some time in 2004 you were so fed up with them, you asked Johnny-san for a new background group. That’s when you got MA. And a few years ago 4U.”
Koichi stared. “But… why would I…?”
“It’s complicated,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “Let’s say you and those guys didn’t really… work well together. You kept being so aggravated you started to have bodily issues. That’s when management decided you’ll get a new group.”
“I totally don’t get it,” Koichi sighed, shaking his head. “And you say this Machida guy…”
“He totally has the hots for you,” Tsuyoshi grinned. “Better watch your ass at work too.”




“I am cursed with this face,” Koichi fake-sighed. Then he tried to concentrate. “Okay, MA. Machida. I think I’ve heard of him… Who else is my background, then?”
“Well, in MA there are still Yonehana and Yara, although he’s not a fixed part of the show anymore. 4U consists of Matsuzaki, Fukuda, Tatsumi and Koshioka.”
Koichi got up and grabbed for the phone.
“What are you doing?” Tsuyoshi asked.
“Calling in sick,” Koichi stated drily. “There’s no way I can pull that off.”
“Oh, come on,” Tsuyoshi groaned, fishing the phone from Koichi’s hands. “It’ll be more suspicious if you don’t show. It’ll be okay.”




“No, I’m not going,” Koichi insisted, trying to get the phone back, but Tsuyoshi kept hiding it, switching positions and getting out of range whenever Koichi got too close.
“Oh, come on, this is just childish,” Koichi stated, hunting after the phone.
“Who’s childish?” Tsuyoshi asked.
They had started an actual fight over the phone. Koichi kept grabbing at Tsuyoshi, while the latter repeatedly pushed him away again.
“Give me that thing now,” Koichi demanded.
“No,” the younger man insisted.




Finally Koichi grabbed him around his waist and squeezed him. In return Tsuyoshi tried to twist into an angle that would force Koichi to let go. After some time Tsuyoshi finally went lax.
“Okay,” he panted. “You win. Just… let go.”
Koichi did and the two of them looked at each other, still panting, hair and clothes a complete mess and suddenly they had to laugh at the situation. Tsuyoshi finally placed the phone on the nearby table again, then he looked at Koichi warmly.
“I won’t tell you what to do,” he stated, “but you’ll be okay, I’m sure.”
“But I don’t even know any of them,” Koichi stated, sounding somewhere between scared and worried.




“You’re not a people person, huh?” Tsuyoshi analyzed. “Koichi has the same issue. But hey, it’s not like you can skip rehearsals until you go back. Or the shows, for that matter.”
Koichi sighed deeply. “I guess not…”
“You can do it. You’ll see,” Tsuyoshi tried to encourage him. “Meeting people isn’t half as scary as you keep telling yourself. And those kids are really nice.”
“Okay, fine,” Koichi finally nodded. “Just… I don’t even know their names.”
“Nothing they’re not used to,” Tsuyoshi shrugged.




“Come on, now, I’m not that bad with people,” Koichi grumbled.
“No, you’re not,” Tsuyoshi grinned. “And you’ll get through this, I’m sure. Just don't forget we're shooting tonight.”
Koichi nodded, thinking that his "dimentional twin" was definitely a workaholic much like himself - which suited him just fine.




_________________________________________________________________________________________





“I’m not going,” Koichi insisted ardently.
“Don’t be such a child,” Tsuyoshi sighed. “What do you plan to do?”
“I’ll call Johnny-san and make him give me a suitable background,” Koichi decided, already grabbing his phone.
“I really don’t know what your problem is,” Tsuyoshi said, shaking his head. “They are totally cool, extremely popular and well-educated.”
Koichi looked at him as though he had just told him that the theory of relativity was total nonsense.
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, putting the phone back down. “You mean, he… is okay with them?”




“Koichi, you mean? I dare say that he is more than pleased and I can see why. They are talented, hard-working, modest and they can deal with him pretty well too.”
Koichi stared. “That…” He shook his head. “How?”
The other merely shrugged.
The older man sighed. “I really tried,” he explained. “Hard. But somehow… we could never make it work. They were sulky, unconcentrated, totally unwilling – hell, they even fought backstage. And I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I’ve often thought if maybe I could have done something different. You know, to help them finding a good line that they can follow…”




“They might well not be the same people they are here,” Tsuyoshi said sympathetically. “You’re definitely not the same as Koichi.”
“There are similarities, though,” Koichi opposed. “Plus, I can’t put all the blame on the other party. It’s always two parties involved.”
“Well, as it is, things work pretty well between you here,” Tsuyoshi tried to reassure him.
“No,” Koichi shook his head. “They work well between him and them. What if I… still can’t handle it and destroy a good thing that obviously worked here?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tsuyoshi waved him off. “They’d follow Koichi to the moon. You will see, it’ll be okay working together.”




The older man still looked skeptical. But then he sighed.
“It can’t be helped,” he decided. “I’ll give it my best.”
“There you go.”
Still, Koichi felt his guts twisting nervously as he made his way to his rehearsal.




______________________________________________________________________________________




“Koichiiiii!” Machida called out cheerfully, waving madly with his hand.
Koichi stopped dead.




Right, Machida-kun. I knew I’d heard his name before and memorized his face. He’s the one who always gets into trouble over his wild affairs. Johnny-san has repeatedly sanctioned him. And he just keeps flirting away. A new girl every week. And here he’s… gay?! What a weird dimension.




“Ah, good morning,” Koichi tried carefully.
“Are you feeling excited?” Machida asked cheerfully.
“Excited?” Koichi asked, blinking. “About what exactly?”
“Well, today you’ll have your first rehearsal with your new opponent,” Machida stated. “Aren’t you excited about that?”
“Ah… Nishikido quit?” Koichi asked, frowning. Why on earth had Tsuyoshi said nothing about that?
Machida blinked at him. “Ah, Koichi… are you okay?”




Koichi tried to cover as best he could. “What’s with you?” he asked, ruffling Machida’s hair. “Can’t I make a joke to lighten the mood?”
Machida chuckled lightly. “Oh, Koichi’s playful,” he analyzed. “Well, fine with me. Uchi-kun will like that too.”




Uchi… Ah, he‘s in Kanjani8. A capable singer, if I remember correctly. None of them are extraordinary dancers, though… Well, we’ll see.




“Okay, let’s get started, then.”
“Yay, here we go,” Machida cheered.
“Aw, look at Macchin,” Yonehana teased with a grin. “All hyper, because he can see his Koichi again.”
“Don’t be mean,” Machida pouted. “I’m just feeling excited… for the show.”
“Ah,” Yonehana waved him off, before throwing an arm around Machida’s shoulder, “you know I don’t mean anything by it. How about I buy you a coffee?”




Machida eyed him skeptically. “A big Moccachino with flavor?”
“Anything,” the taller man promised.
“Okay, then.”
Koichi smiled slightly. Those boys were actually quite fun.
“Ohayo gozaimasu,” a new voice rang into the room. “I am very happy to get to work with all of you. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.”
Everybody blinked at the young man in the door.
“Ah, hi, Uchi-kun,” Machida greeted him warily. “Why… don’t you come in?”




Uchi smiled gratefully. Just as he was about to slip into the room he jumped as an arm was thrown around his shoulder casually.
“And here’s our new main actor,” a rather tall guy announced with a grin. “I hope you’ve had a good breakfast. Koichi will go full out from the first minute.”
Uchi had shrunk back a bit, feeling awkward.
“Really, Matsu,” Machida scolded him. “Look at the poor kid, you scared him.”
“Scaredy cat?” Matsuzaki (Right, that was his name. Sheesh, how should I remember all of them?) asked, inspecting Uchi, who only started to feel more uncomfortable.




“You’re just are scary,” Machida told him. “God knows why Koichi likes your kind…”
Matsuzaki just grinned, patted Uchi’s shoulder and finally let go of him, preparing for warm-up. Uchi sighed in relief.
“Hey, come here,” Machida offered. “Never mind him. He’s just… well, you’ll get used to it,” he shrugged. “If you need anything, just call me, okay?”
Uchi smiled thankfully and nodded.
The rest of 4U came strolling in the following minutes and soon they were in the middle of their first rehearsal.




_________________________________________________________________________________________




“Koichi-kun,” Kame greeted Koichi happily and politely. “Good morning. How are you doing?”
“Er… fine, thanks,” Koichi said awkwardly, nodding his head slightly.
“Oh, Koichi-kun is feeling wary today?” Kame teased.
“I, ah…” Koichi mumbled. “Well… I guess. Am I acting weird?”
“No,” Kame shrugged. “Just wary. Which is very… you.”
“I’m a routine guy,” Koichi sighed. “Sorry, if it’s bothering you.”




“Not at all,” Kame assured him. “I’ve been looking forward to rehearsals already. Although I’m a bit nervous about the character rehearsal.”
Koichi blinked at him. “About what?”
“Well, you know…” Kame stuttered uncomfortably. “You said you wanted to change the plot this way. Since Higashi won’t support us anymore, you want to change a character into the theatre owner’s son? And you said we’d have the try-outs today.”
Koichi’s head was racing.




This is quite different from what I am doing, it seems. Higashi stayed in the production for so long? Well, I did change the plot that way. It was the storyline before Uekusa joined us.




“Right,” Koichi dragged out.
“It’s not like I’m trying to appeal,” Kame said with an apologetic smile. “It’s just that… I’ve always dreamed of playing a bigger part.”




Oh, so he’s on the list.




“I know, of course, that Jin is definitely the better vocalist,” Kame sighed. “But then, I wonder if he really… wants it as much as I do. It’s bad to say something like that,” he added guiltily.




So, Kamenashi versus Akanishi. If Kame’s acting abilities are anything like I know them, he would definitely and without second thought be the first choice. Who cares about vocals? It’s not like there’s a lot of live singing during the show… At least I hope Koichi handles things like that… But why even bother with this… act? Unless Akanishi is very different from what I remember – which isn’t exactly unlikely from what I’ve seen thus far...




“I understand your feelings,” Koichi said with a smile.
“It’s difficult, because we’re friends,” Kame sighed.
“Mh,” Koichi nodded. “Listen, I’ll hear his feelings about it too and then we’ll have the try-outs at the end of today’s session, okay?”
“Okay,” the younger boy nodded.




They seem to be close too. I wonder if Akanishi has that drive for the US? I guess I’ll see soon enough…




Sure enough, the second later Jin came through the door, wearing baggy Jeans and a sweatshirt that looked like he must have lost at least 40 pounds since he’d bought it. The outfit was highlighted with a pair of huge sunglasses and a wool cap.




Okay, that answers that question.




“Yo, Koichi,” Jin greeted him casually.
“Yeah… hi,” Koichi said awkwardly.
He wondered for a second, whether he was supposed to fit in with the wording, but then decided he’d rather die than go that way.
“Ah, a word?” Koichi asked right away.
Jin first blinked, but then nodded and followed Koichi into a far corner of the room.
“About that change of plot,” Koichi started warily.
“It’s about the new character, right?” Jin asked.




The older man nodded. “Yes, I… I am going to make my choice today. I wanted to know how you feel about this.”
Jin bit his lip as he eyed the older man. Then he sighed.
“Well, what do you want me to say?” he asked, sounding agitated. “That I don’t want the part?”
“No,” Koichi told him, “I want to know what you’re thinking.”
Jin sighed. “I’d really love to get the part. But… he’s so much better fit. He really wants it, you know. And he deserves it too.”
“And you don’t deserve it?” Koichi asked, raising a brow.




“That’s not…”
“Listen, I don’t care about your reasons for being pre-occupied. But if you want the part, you should forget them. Whatever you’re thinking, if you want it, fight for it. Or else just leave the part to him. I just don’t want you to think that I’ve already made my decision. Because I haven’t.”
“But you think Kame would be better fit,” Jin stated flatly.
“Yes, I do,” Koichi answered honestly. “But you have every chance of convincing me that I have the wrong feeling about it. Akanishi, listen, I’ve seen total bunglers flying high and the most brilliant artists missing their aim. It’s really totally all up to you. What I mean is, you shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that there’s a favorite. Just go full out, okay? You might surprise yourself – and me too.”




Jin just stared at him. Then he bit his lip again.
“What if… it’ll cause problems?” he asked warily.
“Ah, now we’re getting to the actual point,” Koichi grinned. “Listen, if you’re worried about your relationship – if it’s that kind of friendship, that’ll break over something like this, it wasn’t a good friendship to begin with.”
“It’s not just that,” Jin explained, shaking his head.
Koichi stopped short. “What – are you… you’re not sleeping with each other, are you?”




Jin looked at him as though he had suggested eating slugs. “Are you trying to be funny?”
“Er… yeah?” Koichi offered with a shrug.
Jin grinned. “Again, so lame.”
“What is it, then, that you’re worried about?” the older man wanted to know.
“I’m afraid that… if I get the part the others will think it’s… not fair,” Jin finally explained.
At that Koichi’s eyes grew wide. “So, you’re not foremost worried about Kame, but the other members?”




Jin nodded vaguely. “They keep saying that it should be his part and such.”
“Well, it’s not their choice, but mine,” Koichi stated firmly.
“Of course,” Jin sighed. “But they’re still gonna say…”
“That you stole his position,” Koichi finished the sentence.
The other merely nodded.
Koichi considered the younger man for a while. It was understandable that he had doubts. He understood only too well what the other was thinking and how he was feeling.




“Akanishi-kun,” Koichi finally began sympathetically, “I know exactly what you’re talking about. But… even if they hate you – for a while, anyway – it’s still better than hating yourself. You know, back when we were young, Tsuyoshi and I, we had to face a lot of envy. And I always tried to, you know, appeal to everybody. But in the end I got totally frustrated and felt disgusted with myself. So, basically – and I understand that you like them – but fuck them and whatever they’re thinking.”
Jin just stared at him for a while. Then he gave a wicked grin.
“I’ll make your eyes pop out, then,” he decided.
Koichi grinned and nodded back. “That’s the spirit.”



_________________________________________________________________________________________




Koichi bit his lip. Both Kame and Jin had been well-prepared for their role application. Unexpectedly Jin had shown some remarkable acting skills too – which left Koichi in the very uncomfortable situation of being completely clueless as to what to do. It would be justified to choose them both for the part, but that was impossible. Then a thought hit him. He turned to face the two boys, who were sitting on the floor, drinking from their water bottles and chatting, obviously relieved they had both acted their part.
“I’ve made my decision,” Koichi told them.
He felt sympathy for both of them as he saw them tensing up again visibly.
“Kame will be acting the part of the theatre owner’s son,” Koichi stated plainly, not wanting to aggravate them any further.




Kame bit his lip, obviously trying not to show too openly how happy he was. Koichi smiled. These guys were actually really cute. Considerate too. And, he noticed with a glance towards Jin, who simply sank his head, totally compliant too.
“I’ve made another decision too, though,” Koichi announced.
Both boys blinked at that.
Koichi merely grinned. “I’ll be changing the plot further and Jin, you will get a solo part too.”
Jin just stared for a moment. Then he blinked again.
“R-really?” he asked, voice high-pitched with excitement.




Koichi merely nodded. “You’ve both done really well. I’m very proud of you and that’s how I show my gratitude for your hard work,” he explained.
The two guys looked at each other again and finally they burst out, jumping up from the floor and around the room, hugging each other happily, cheering non-stop.
Koichi chuckled at the reaction. “My, seems like Akame’s becoming real,” he joked.
The hopping stopped.
“What’s Akame?” Kame asked, tilting his head.




Jin merely grinned. “I remember. We thought up fanpairing names some time. Akame, that was you and I. That was like ages ago, when Koichi told us how a fixed pairing partner totally sucks, because the fans will go mad.”
“Well, that’s kind of true…” Koichi mumbled, feeling struck.




A world without Akame… seems totally unbelievable.




“They call it Akanashi in the fandom,” Jin kept going. “Not that it’s big, but somehow Akame really sounds better.”
“You keep yourselves up to date with these things?” Koichi asked, sounding amused.
“Well, for you it’s different, of course,” Kame shrugged. “It’s not like you can switch, or anything.” The next second his eyes flew open, as if in shock. “Sorry, I… didn’t mean…”
“Idiot,” Jin scolded him. “You know how hard it is on Koichi, with the fan reactions and all.”
“Sorry,” Kame apologized again.
Koichi merely blinked. “Well, I guess it’s just like that,” he shrugged.




Kame blinked at him. “But… since when do you not mind at all?”
“I guess it’s just accepting a fact I can’t change,” Koichi stated casually.
He realized, though, that he must seem very out of character and thus tried to change the subject.
“I’m very proud of both of you,” he stated with an approving nod. “Keep up the good work and let’s make this year’s shows a success, okay?”
Kame and Jin both agreed cheerfully and with that Koichi ended their session.
“Get some good rest tonight,” he advised them. “And eat well.”




“Please, if I eat like you do, I’ll be rolling down the street,” Jin complained.
Koichi just grinned. “Do I really eat that much?”
“Well enough,” Kame agreed with his friend.
Koichi just kept grinning and considered whether it would be safe to eat more randomly. It might be a new experience – not to mention that Tsuyoshi kept complaining about his eating habits anyway…




_________________________________________________________________________________________




“Honey, I’m home,” Koichi joked, as he stuck his head through the kitchen door.
The second later he regretted his careless attitude. Obviously Tsuyoshi did not think of it as funny, but felt rather awkward about it.
“Ah, sorry…” Koichi mumbled apologetically. “I thought…”
“It’s okay,” Tsuyoshi waved him off with a smile, but Koichi easily detected the hurt look in his eyes.
“I’m really a thoughtless slop,” Koichi sighed, shaking his head. “I’m really sorry.”
Tsuyoshi considered him for a moment, then his eyes lit up notably.




“You’re an impulsive character – much like him,” he mused. “He does things very randomly and without thinking about them too much. We often fought over stuff like that.”
“Really?” Koichi asked, blinking. “But… if it didn’t work well, why didn’t you break up?”
“Who said anything about how it didn’t work?” Tsuyoshi asked. “Just because we used to fight more doesn’t mean we weren’t happy. It’s just the kind of thing you have to go through, I think. You know, to accept each other.” Koichi merely blinked, making the other smile at the picture. “How to explain it? Ah… it’s something that is very prominent about him and back when I wasn’t used to it I thought of it as annoying. But then, after living together for a while, you will realize that there are things about a person you’ll just have to live with when you live with them. So either you accept them, or you separate. In the end, I guess, it didn’t bother me enough to make me leave. What’s more, when he acts that way today it always feels a bit… I don’t know. It makes me feel warm. I’ll smile, thinking `That’s Koichi´ and it’ll make me happy.”




“Eh? Even though it used to annoy you?” Koichi asked, sounding confused.
“That’s what love does, I guess,” Tsuyoshi shrugged with a smile.
Koichi considered the other with a slightly sad look. “I don’t even really know any of Tsuyoshi’s major characteristics. I wonder whether I’d like them or if they would annoy me…”
“Well, as far as I can, I’m glad to be of help,” Tsuyoshi offered, “so if you’re interested, you can always ask me anything. But maybe you should think about it twice before you turn your life upside down.”
“True,” Koichi agreed. “Maybe I should just call Tomo. He’s always good for me when I need to share thoughts.”




Tsuyoshi blinked at that. “Nagase?”
“Yeah,” Koichi answered warily. “Don’t tell me we’re not friends here.”
“Oh, you are,” Tsuyoshi told him. “Just…”
“Just?”
“I don’t know,” the younger man shrugged slightly, “you haven’t really been in touch, I guess. When you’re off work and have some spare time… well, you basically spend it with me.”
“Do you think he’ll be mad at me?” Koichi asked, sounding worried.




“I don’t know,” Tsuyoshi answered honestly. “I don’t think he’s the type to sulk, but I can’t estimate where he stands right now.” When Koichi merely blinked at him, he smiled. “Meaning that calling him and asking to have dinner together might get a different reaction from `my life’s a total mess right now and I need a friend´ - if you know what I mean.”
Koichi merely nodded thoughtfully.
“But it can’t be a bad idea to call him,” Tsuyoshi decided. “Actually, Koichi should have done that a while back already. Maybe you can do it for him now.”




______________________________________________________________________________________




Koichi sighed as he closed the door to the apartment. While it had been an unexpectedly fun day, he was feeling rather exhausted.
“I never would have thought that I’d really enjoy working with these guys, you know,” he analyzed, smiling slightly to himself. “I’m back,” he added cheerfully.
He tilted his head slightly, when he didn’t get an answer and made to check the rooms for the other man. Tsuyoshi couldn’t have gone out, the door had only been pulled closed.
“Tsuyoshi?” he called out warily.
Pan came running towards him, huffing and whining slightly. Koichi bent down to pick her up.




“What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong?”
He carried her into the living room and dropped her suddenly in shock. On the sofa Tsuyoshi was lying, eyes half-opened, pupils rolling back and forth, he was sweating and seemed incoherent. In the blink of an eye Koichi rushed to the other’s side.
“Tsuyoshi,” he demanded, shaking the other, “can you hear me? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
Koichi felt a cold shiver running down his spine as the other began to laugh. He still seemed a bit out, but he was suddenly laughing pretty bad. Koichi bit his lip, wondering what to do. In his panic he looked for the phone and stopped short as he found something else on the table.
“What is this?” Koichi asked, eyes widened in horror.




“It’s mine,” Tsuyoshi dragged out heavily. “Get your own.”
“Oh my god,” Koichi gasped out. “You’re not sick – you’re high.”
The younger man giggled as he shook his head.
“On the contrary,” he explained. “I’m very down today. Only tranquilizers – since I’m not working.”
“Do you take that stuff regularly?” Koichi asked, still in shock.
“No,” Tsuyoshi opposed. “Did you not listen? Only when I don’t work. Or when I have to come down from the work pills.”
“You take stuff for work too?”




“Like you’re any better,” Tsuyoshi grumbled out. “Who are you to lecture me, huh? I was bored and I couldn’t sleep.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Koichi demanded. “Are you… are you saying he’s taking that stuff too?”
Tsuyoshi gave him a pointed look. “Two shows a day, Koichi. Two months in a row. Interviews, shootings, recordings… don’t tell me you go without.”
“Entirely without,” Koichi assured him, sounding abashed.
“Well, that’s just stupid,” Tsuyoshi told him. “We get them for free and since they’re meds and we always have prescriptions they’re not considered drugs.”




“That…” Koichi tried to find words he needed. “That doesn’t matter. That shit fucks with your body. How can you…? How long have you been doing this?”
“What – the work help out? Dunno,” he shrugged.
“Fuck,” Koichi cursed. “You don’t even remember?”
“It works alright,” Tsuyoshi waved him off.
“You wouldn’t say that if you could see yourself right now,” Koichi told him. “Okay, this has to stop. Immediately,” he decided, grabbing the bottle of pills and storming out.




“Eh?” Tsuyoshi blinked. “Hey! I still need those.”
“We’ll see about that,” Koichi decided as he came back.
“What did you do?” Tsuyoshi wanted to know, trying to get up, but his legs wouldn’t carry him.
“Flushed them,” Koichi told him.
“What – all of them? Are you mad? There’s a limit to supplies, you know.”
“Well, good,” Koichi barked at him. “I can’t believe you…” He sighed. “Just look at yourself. You’re a total mess.”




“It’s not like you ever cared,” Tsuyoshi spat back at him.
“That… can’t be true,” Koichi demanded. “If he had known…”
“He’s doing them himself, idiot. He knows.”
“Well, then…” Koichi bit his lip hard. “I don’t know, but I’ll put a stop to this.”
“What do you care?”
“I love you,” Koichi told him bluntly. “It doesn’t matter which Tsuyoshi you are. You are Tsuyoshi and I love you. And no matter what your relationship, Koichi must love you too. If he didn’t, he would have left you altogether.”




Tsuyoshi laughed bitterly. “Well, he did leave now, didn’t he?”
“But I’m here now,” Koichi stated firmly. “And I’m not leaving you.”
“No?” Tsuyoshi asked bitingly. “Don’t you want to go back to your not fucked up life?”
“Our life has been fucked up several times,” Koichi explained flatly. “But I never left Tsu. And I’m not gonna leave you. I’ll be here and I’ll help you. If you care at all – because right now you’re the one fucking everything up.”




Tsuyoshi considered the other for a moment, then he sunk back into the couch again.
“Head,” he complained.
“I’ll get water for you,” Koichi told him. “Don’t move.”
“No, when I drink, I get sick,” Tsuyoshi opposed.
“Good,” Koichi retorted. “The sooner that shit gets out of your system, the better.”




______________________________________________________________________________________





Tsuyoshi looked at the sleeping form of Koichi on the floor. After throwing up several times he had passed out. Sometimes he would become aware of a voice talking to him, or a wet cloth on his forehead, but mainly, he was out cold. Now that he looked at the other man he didn’t know what to do. He was feeling good enough to sit up and pour himself a glass of water that Koichi obviously had prepared for him. Maybe he had even helped him to the liquid before? He couldn’t remember. But there was something he understood, something he hadn’t really realized before. Koichi really did love… Tsuyoshi – and that was bad for him. It was… dangerous…

________________________________________________________________________________________


Tadaa. \(^o^)/ This is it. For now. Oh dear, dark secrets are coming out. @_@ Poor Tsuyoshi. I think it's good for everybody that this happened. Sometimes you don't even realize how messed up your own life is until someone barges in and shows you. I'm very much looking forward to the next part already. ^^ As a little preview, the next one will have Nagase. :D Thank you so much, everybody, for reading. Love you all! <3<3<3

PS: I know I made a mistake in the second chapter about the time span. I'm just about to go and change that, in case you're wondering. SHOCK will, of course, only be possible when it's a very different time of the year. ^^

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Comments

[ritchuuki.livejournal.com]

thank you for writing it !!! I really enjoyed <3
I love this story and the way how you tell this in simple way so I'm not get confused and mix this two. This is a very interesting idea really... I wonder where you got this xD

*off to the next*

[yoru-no-hikaru.livejournal.com]

Awwww, thank you so much!!!!! <3 I'm sorry for the late reply, but my working hours don't allow me to hang aroudn as much as I used to. ><

Lucky Charm is among my favourites. I really love it. I had a flash of a story-line when I was in Japan abotu two years ago. The first thing that came to my mind was a scene that's in a later chapter in the story and somehow the story developed around it. It was a lot of fun, thinking what could have happened if this or that had developed in anotehr way. ^^ I was also able to finish this within one year, which also makes me very happy. :D

Thanks a lot for reading and for commenting! I always love readers thoughts and it's good to know that KKL fans are out there, seeking input. ^_^